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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or just petty

71 replies

elf0508 · 10/12/2015 14:38

My mum has asked me to give her my tv for my brother coming up for the holidays, as he wants to bring his PS4 I said she should just tell him not to bring it and spend time with family and she accused me of being selfish. I don't see why the golden child should get everything handed to him while I'm just there to sort out whatever might get in the way of said golden child geting what he wants..

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/12/2015 15:20

He can buy his own cereal. He can bring his own tv. He's 28, ffs, not a fucking child.

You must say no. To the tv and the cereal, there is absolutely NO reason why you should give in on either count.

catfordbetty · 10/12/2015 15:21

I'm going to take a different view - don't hate me! Perhaps brother has suggested he won't visit your mum unless he can indulge his PS4 habit and because she really wants him to stay she's promised the TV without asking you. Unless he's got a car, he's not going to be able to bring his own. Also, it might be worth considering, if he's determined to be so unsociable, whether it's worth the effort of making him spend more time with his family. Perhaps everyone will have a nicer time if he's locked away twiddling his knobs!

hellsbellsmelons · 10/12/2015 15:30

Tell her to checkout ebay - loads on there really really cheap.
He can have one there all the time then Grin

Threesquids · 10/12/2015 15:35

If he can bring his PS4, he can bring his own tv too!

expatinscotland · 10/12/2015 15:37

'Perhaps brother has suggested he won't visit your mum unless he can indulge his PS4 habit and because she really wants him to stay she's promised the TV without asking you'

That's not the OP's lookout. He's 28, not 8.

You tell her, 'No. That's not happening. I am not petty or selfish. You stop calling me that. He wants a telly for that he can go buy one himself the way I did.'

And then you repeat.

She is using classic manipulation on you. FOG. Fear, obligation, guilt.

Don't fall for her gaslighting bollocks.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2015 15:42

I'd reply - "So you want me to give up my TV so a grown man can play games all day. And spend nearly £3 on cereal for the man-child. Anything else you'd like me to give him, mum? A kidney? My first born child? The moon on a stick? If he is that spoilt, you are the one that spoiled him, so you give him your TV!"

manicinsomniac · 10/12/2015 15:46

Is there any particular reason why your mum favours your brother or panders to a 28 year old who wants to 'visit' yet get up at 3pm and play games for 10 hours straight.

Not that it would make you unreasonable in any way but just wondering if your brother has autism or something that would make him rely on the games.

That's the only reason I could see that would make your mum's request in any way ok or would make me consider adhering to it for a moment.

SilverOldie2 · 10/12/2015 15:50

I'm really shocked at your Mother's audacity. You are definitely not U nor petty. You know what they say on MN - No is a complete sentence.

diddl · 10/12/2015 15:54

Are you going to be staying there at all?

If so I might considertaking my telly for him to use then if not too much trouble.

Why would you buy cereal for him?

Why would she even ask that??

00100001 · 10/12/2015 16:05

why can't brother bring his own TV?

Chattymummyhere · 10/12/2015 16:06

If it's that important to her, he can plug the ps4 into her living room TV. I'm sure if he only eats a certain cereal he can buy it himself.

Sounds like his been spoiled for too long and your mum is quite happy to enable him.

AdoraBell · 10/12/2015 16:06

Sounds like my late mother.

When a sibling got married mother pointed to a necklace I was bought when I was about 10 and said "when they have a girl you give that to them" her face was a picture when I said - okay, and when I have a girl I'll take it back, yes?" turned out that sibling had boys and I have girls, but that's not the point.

YA so NBU OP

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 10/12/2015 16:07

Why can't he buy his own effing cereal!
She's bred a man child and now needs to deal with the consequences!

battlebacktonewlife · 10/12/2015 16:11

I'd reply - "So you want me to give up my TV so a grown man can play games all day. And spend nearly £3 on cereal for the man-child. Anything else you'd like me to give him, mum? A kidney? My first born child? The moon on a stick? If he is that spoilt, you are the one that spoiled him, so you give him your TV!"

This...

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/12/2015 16:14

WTAF?

NO! Just that! It's a full sentence you know!!

StrictlyMumDancing · 10/12/2015 16:15

I seriously suggest you 'break' your TV the day before you see them Wink

Penfold007 · 10/12/2015 16:15

I wouldn't buy the cereals or lend him the TV but I'd also make my own arrangements for Christmas.

DinosaursRoar · 10/12/2015 16:17

Please tell me you aren't spending christmas day with them? Just be busy. Or ill, and need your TV then....

Or tell her that you can't give up your bedroom TV because you and DP have a Christmas eve tradition of watching p0rn in bed after you've set out all the stockings etc. See if she dares ask again...

ricketytickety · 10/12/2015 16:22

yanbu to say no. It's a totally unreasonable request. But, what happens when you say no? Has she got form for throwing a strop?

ricketytickety · 10/12/2015 16:24

Just a thought...buy the cereal and wrap it up for his xmas present....I know you can't really do that...!

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/12/2015 16:46

OP, my oh my, your mother and brother sound horrible. Do not give her the tv and don't cater to any of her bonkers commands. Just say "No" no need to explain or justify to her. He's 28??? Let him bring his own tv.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 10/12/2015 16:47

it is obvious why he can't bring his own telly it is a 50" plasma that requires 3 people to carry.

But his own cereal?

Youarentkiddingme · 10/12/2015 16:53

Of course you don't give it to her Shock iys your to in your room at your house and you use it.

Imissmy0ldusername · 10/12/2015 17:04

My DB is the golden child. But we laugh about it with certain elements of our family. He hasn't figured it out yet. He's not in the same league as yours, OP. But still, standing up to his wants & needs (because why wouldn't we, he's delightful!) requires a pile of balls that I'm only just beginning to grow. I'm so greatful to MN and the people who post about their circumstances on here. It's made standing up to his bullshit more bearable. And my DM has started to take a leaf out of my no bullshit book recently.
I can highly recommend taking a stand (in the nicest possible way "no, that doesn't work for me" is beautiful - reminds people that you are an actual human being!).
Just give it a pinch of "no that doesn't work for me", and see where the conversations go. It might be quite fulfilling for you, OP x

DinosaursRoar · 10/12/2015 17:10

oh yes, special cereal under the tree (even if it's an extra gift).

And go elsewhere Christmas day.

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