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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to want to keep out baby stuff?

35 replies

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 22:21

Our DS is nearly 1. His newborn, 0-3 month and 3-6 month clothes are now packed away in the loft. Before packing them away, I threw away stuff that was too badly faded/sicked/pooed on, and a few other bits that weren't our kind of thing got given to charity. We still have quite a lot of stuff, I admit.

DH's colleague's daughter is expecting a baby girl next month and he randomly told his colleague we have loads of baby stuff to get rid of, and we wouldn't need it back.

I have tried to suggest that actually the stuff I've kept has been kept for a reason, i.e. us having further children, and I don't want to give it away. If I was going to go around giving stuff away it would be to friends and family, not the daughter of a colleague who neither of us actually know.

He has suggested just giving away the unisex stuff as he knows she is having a girl. I pointed out that there is a 50:50 chance we will need it when we have another baby.

He is having a total grouch now about "losing face" in front of this colleague. I have suggested his easy way out is to say that I only packed away stuff we wanted to keep and gave the rest to charity, which actually is pretty much the truth! He still seems to think this is unreasonable of me.

AIBU to want to keep my baby clothes after our first baby, in anticipation of further babies? DH is trying to make me feel like I'm a heartless uncharitable cow, but fuck it I just don't want to give my son's things away to a stranger!

OP posts:

Original poster

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 22:22

Grrr title should read "our" not "out"

OP posts:

Orangesarenot · 08/12/2015 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpanglesGalloway · 08/12/2015 22:30

If its likely that you will be having another baby yanbu. Personally I think it's your stuff and if you want to keep it forever even to show future grandchildren then yanbu!
How about selecting one or two pieces you don't care much for so dh 'doesn't loose face'

Dogsmom · 08/12/2015 22:33

Does your dh want another? Maybe he's happy with the one and didn't expect to be needing the clothes again.

abbieanders · 08/12/2015 22:33

Let him buy a bag of second hand clothes on ebay, wash and iron them and bring them in. Then he's got a load of second hand clothes to give with no face lost and you'll have your own for the new baby, when it happens.

LumpySpaceCow · 08/12/2015 22:36

No, YANBU.
I did exactly the same. Kept all the newborn /0-3 unisex baby stuff and then all the really special /decent stuff after that. Had another DD 5 years later and loved getting all the old stuff out!
I don't understand why he is putting this colleague before you in this. He just needs to say that he's sorry but you've decided to keep them/have already given them away etc. It's a non issue-the colleague won't even think twice about it.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 08/12/2015 22:37

Well maybe this will teach your DH a good lesson in the art of not making promises to people without discussing with you first.

I can sort of see why he is uncomfortable (though it's entirely his fault), but rather than pushing this onto you, he just needs to own his mistake and tell his colleague/lie

"I spoke to my partner, and it turns out she already gave away the baby stuff in a recent clear out. Sorry!"

Is that really so difficult?

And you aren't being a heartless cow. If you think you might have more children in the future, why on EARTH would you give away your baby stuff that you would just need to re-buy?!?!

DramaAlpaca · 08/12/2015 22:39

I don't think YABU at all. You are perfectly within your rights to keep the stuff for as long as you like, and you're not being heartless or uncharitable.

Your DH should have checked with you before offering the stuff to his colleague. Your suggestion of what he can say to his colleague is a perfect way out, or as a PP says maybe give one or two items that you don't like as much.

BooAvenue · 08/12/2015 22:42

YANBU but it seems your DH isn't in anticipation of more babies, have you spoken to him about it?

Maybe he thinks you won't be needing them again? If he's up for more babies he's just being a thoughtless tool!

Original poster

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 22:44

Thanks all, so I'm not going mad then!

Dogs he's definitely onside about having more than one, has even volunteered a discussion on when we should think about TTC for the optimal age gap...

Nice idea abbie but I have trouble enough getting him to wash and iron his own stuff let alone stuff for someone else!

That said, I could do what Spangles suggests and see if I can find any random bits that aren't as precious as I maybe thought they were when I packed them away a few months ago.

It just irritates me being put in this position because he just doesn't think before he speaks sometimes.

OP posts:

Rivercam · 08/12/2015 22:45

I entirely understand why you want to keep,your stuff. I Kept lots of baby stuff from my first baby for the second, and it's lovely getting it out, and re-living memories.

After the second, I sold some of the stuff, and even now (both boys are now teens) regret selling a couple of items (eg. Trouser outfit with fireman design on it).

If you want to keep it, then keep it.

People above have suggested good comments your partner could make.

Or hopefully colleague will have forgotten what he offered (clutching straws)

BillBrysonsBeard · 08/12/2015 22:45

He's being a dick! I'm not giving mine away either just to have to re-buy it all.. I like the idea from a pp of getting a bag of clothes off ebay if he's really not prepared to tell the truth.
Maybe a deeper issue is it sounds like he's not planning another baby but you are? Or he just thinks you'll buy it all again.

Original poster

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 22:52

He really is planning another baby, he just didn't think.

His thought process will have been "well, we aren't using it right now this actual minute, it is just sitting there in the loft..." and it won't have crossed his mind that I haven't just kept it all for a laugh. It won't have registered that he'd be saving someone from buying some baby stuff only for us to then have to re-buy baby stuff.

He has said that the next baby had better wear every bloody stitch of what's been kept!

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 08/12/2015 22:52

Tell him that's fine, no problem. And you promised all his clothes to one of your friend's husbands, because hey you were sure he didn't need them any more.

They weren't his to promise away.

woodwaj · 08/12/2015 22:54

Personally I didn't use the 2nd hand clothes I was given anyway. I got too much new stuff that I bought or was gifted and it was just in my way in the end. Buy them a little something like others have suggested (with his cash of course!)

pullthecracker · 08/12/2015 22:59

There's a good chance that the colleagues daughter is hoping your dh forgets about it, as she probably won't want baby clothes from someone she doesn't know. There may be a sigh of relief when your dh tells him there isn't anything!

leccybill · 08/12/2015 23:02

OP, my DD is nearly 6 and no signs of another any time soon (ttc for 3+ years) yet I still couldn't give her baby clothes away. It's irrational I know but I couldn't.

Original poster

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 23:05

I agree pull - I would have felt a bit weird having clothes second hand from someone random.

He has gone to bed, and gave me a kiss before he left so clearly isn't in too much of a strop.

I'll have a look through some of the stuff tomorrow and find a couple of token gestures. Though quite why I'm bailing him out of his daftness I don't know.

Thanks for the support, I knew I wasn't being a weirdo over this!

OP posts:

Original poster

fishcake84 · 08/12/2015 23:06

leccy Good luck TTC.

Even if we weren't planning another, if I want to keep them I should bloody well be allowed to.

OP posts:

Spilose · 08/12/2015 23:09

YANBU. You did have stuff to get rid of - it went to charity. Your oh just needs to tell them he was mistaken and you have given them to charity, no big deal.

PurpleTreeFrog · 08/12/2015 23:14

YANBU, I love keeping hold of DS"s best baby stuff "just in case", it was bad enough boxing it up for the loft, I would have cried if I was saying goodbye to those cute little baby grows forever

Therewasanoldladywho · 08/12/2015 23:18

My heart sinks every time someone offers their used baby clothes. Can't say no, but can't pretend to look happy about it either!

Ungrateful, maybe, but I like to buy stuff myself. We don't go over the top buying clothes, so don't spend a fortune on it, can afford to get things to our own taste. Like a pp said, they'll probably be happy about it!

And as a separate, unrelated rant, bloody sodding fed up with sil giving us clothes we're going to have to store up to a year and more before they fecking fit! We live in a house; not Mary fucking Poppins' carpet bag. Grrrrr

YANBU

Morganly · 08/12/2015 23:19

YANBU. As a previous poster said, I doubt the intended recipient wants a load of used stuff from her dad's colleague anyway. She'll want to buy new and her friends and family will also want to buy new stuff for her. Anything you give her, she'll probably bin anyway, so I really wouldn't bother.

WhitePhantom · 08/12/2015 23:20

Is there something you could buy for him to give to his colleague to help him save face

Seriously??? Something she can buy for him to give to his colleague to help him save face??

Because the OP clearly has nothing else to do than sort out her DH's little messes...

I've heard it all now!

Shockers · 08/12/2015 23:20

Just tell him to say sorry, but you'd already donated it all to the charity shop.

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