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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest that ff babies are generally more content than breastfed babies?

931 replies

mrsb26 · 08/12/2015 20:16

...because they are fuller for longer?

Following on from an article I read recently regarding a study that suggested that of its recipients, the ff babies were generally deemed to be more calm, easy to settle to sleep etc than breastfed babies.

I know this is bound to be a taboo subject, but I must say, as a breastfeeding mother myself to a 4 month old dd, I have considered whether she'd be more satisfied on formula. She's not the easiest of babies and, to me, seems fussier and more demanding than her formula fed peers.

For example, she is really hard to settle to sleep for naps. She will sometimes feed to sleep, but not always (I know this is a debate on itself). I have never been to the shops or out for a walk for half an hour without her fussing (even if it's just for a little bit). She will sit on my knee or go to someone else for five minutes tops before fussing and starting to cry.

I'm not doubting the benefits of the quality of breastmilk, obviously. I guess I just feel like I'm filling up a tank that's emptying as quick as it's filling^^ and that she's never fully satisfied. I know breastmilk is digested quicker, but still.

She has no issues re: reflux, tongue tie or anything either.

Of course there are behavioural differences amongst all babies, but as a general rule, what is your opinion? Interested to hear from anyone who has perhaps breastfed one baby and formula fed another.

OP posts:
FattySantaRobin · 10/12/2015 12:12

culture I agree with you. And if breastfeeding doesn't work out, despite support then they shouldn't be made to feel like a failure, from the mw, hv or other mothers being all smug because they managed it.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/12/2015 12:20

Absolutely. It would be great to be in a position where women are supported in their chosen method of feeding, and don't end up feeling like they've failed if they end up feeding in a way they hadn't planned to. I have to say I never encountered any judgement from any health care professionals with DS, but I did encounter a lack of real help with feeding. I pretty much had to resolve my own issues with breastfeeding as the HV had no useful advice. The breastfeeding drop in sessions were fortnightly and often cancelled which is no use at all when you've got an immediate problem. There was no suggestion of referral to any other health care professional, and no suggestions of how to access further support. To me that's paying lip service to the aim of the NHS to promote breastfeeding.

FattySantaRobin · 10/12/2015 12:30

There does need to be more support for breastfeeding mothers. My friend breastfed her DDs and had hardly any support from anyone. But the same can be said for bottle feeding mothers.
I ff all 3 of mine (still do the 18 week old) and what happened with my hv was this.

HV: how do you plan on feeding
Me: formula
HV: you should bf
Me: no I shouldnt. I don't want to
HV: yes you should. At least try it.
Me: no. I'm bottle feeding.
Hv: well express then
Me: no. It's not always that simple anyway
Hv: of course it is.
Me: no it's not. I'm feeding my baby formula. I have a steriliser and bottles ready.
HV: fine

That was it. That is the extent of my "support"

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 12:36

Fatty I find it funny they don't show you how to make bottles before birth because "you'll forget anyway" but they tell you to read as much as you can about breastfeeding...

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 12:41

Isn't bf on demand and cluster feeding fairly modern?

My mum and mil both breastfed but on a 4 hourly routine and weaned at 2 months.

A lot of women I know started breastfeeding but gave up within day or weeks.

I think the message that breast is best is well and truly out there. Something in between isn't working.

DixieNormas · 10/12/2015 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FattySantaRobin · 10/12/2015 12:58

tali I know, its unbelievable.
I was so pleased in hospital. One mum on the ward was really struggling with bf, in tears over it and decided she wanted to switch. So they eventually gave her those ready made bottles. One mw came in with a tub of powder and some basic bottles. She had gone to the shop to buy it with her own money, then took mum and dad separately to show them how to make a bottle. I thought it was brilliant. No judgement at all. One day she was trying to get baby latched, the next she was showing them how to make formula. That's what there needs to be more of. Less judging, more support for what mum wants.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:00

Yes mil always says she didn't have enough milk. They always say the babies were starving.

I just can't see how it ever could have worked.

Both my babies were ff from a couple of weeks and even then they fed tiny amounts every 1.5 hours until they got older.

DixieNormas · 10/12/2015 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:08

I do agree however it's difficult. I wanted to bf both of mine and stopped because it was painful, the latch was all wrong.

I said I wanted to ff in the fog of the early days, when it was so painful, I was exhausted, I was confused about it all.

The worst thing was I was advised to break the latch and start again but after 5-6 times and a creaming hungry baby you just put up with the pain which then makes it worse.

I really regret it now, I wish I'd at least bf until 6-8 weeks and then at least I'd have had more of an idea what it was all about.

There's a line somewhere between mums who just don't want to and mums who give up.

Guilt tripping doesn't help.

FattySantaRobin · 10/12/2015 13:09

Dixie my 10lb 10 at birth baby is 18 weeks and never goes longer than 3 hours. Sometimes an hour and a half! And I give him 8oz. He also only feeds for me. Wont let anyone else feed him

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:09

Screaming baby

FattySantaRobin · 10/12/2015 13:17

pyjama I think the mum I mentioned felt pressured into bf. That's the impression I got from talking to her. She didn't really want to but felt she had to. So when she broke down and starred formula, it was a relief to her. I think the mw knew that too which is why she did what she did.

Giraffescandance1 · 10/12/2015 13:18

Yabu every baby is different. I bf both of mine and both have been very different, one much easier than the other.

I agree there should be more support for mums with whichever method. Dd2 was born with a very restrictive tongue tie and struggled terribly to bf until I paid for it to be cut privately as the nhs was so slow to address it and the midwives all wanted me to use formula when I wanted to bf Hmm if I hadn't bf a baby before then I'd have switched to formula, assuming it was my fault she couldn't latch.

Once I had paid for the tongue tie correction (£80 privately) she fed really well, it took a few days for her to gradually improve her latch but she's still ebf at 18 weeks which is what I wanted, I like bf and would find formula harder.

thelouise · 10/12/2015 13:19

Having been on MN (under various names) for quite a few years, I already know who will be on a breastfeeding thread before even opening it. I'm sure a klaxon goes off for some of you when a BF thread appears on here. Grin I just cannot bring myself to a shit about how other people feel their kids, as long as they do indeed feed them.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:23

Ah I see what you mean, there does seem to be a lot of guilt trips and less support.

DixieNormas · 10/12/2015 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 13:47

Fatty that's great! That's how it should be. I was open to both bf and ff and when bf didn't work I was happy to switch, I got really nice midwives who didn't make me feel shitty for it. I don't know why it's difficult for sone

Original poster
mrsb26 · 10/12/2015 13:56

Aren't dummies considered to lower the risk of SIDS?

If your baby has always had a dummy to sleep, removing it can increase the risk of SIDS (I think before 6 months). If your baby has never had a dummy, the risk is no greater.

This thread has moved on! Good to hear others' perspectives. It appears that, according to the experiences of the majority, it is the behaviour of the baby that is key, regardless if they are bf or ff.

OP posts:
Mrsw28 · 10/12/2015 17:27

I haven't read all the comments on here but it's the same shit every time someone asks a question like this.

The fact is breastmilk IS better than formula. It just is, it's tailored to the baby drinking it and changes according to what they need. Formula is not, it's fortified, yes, to help give some of the many nutrients contained in breastmilk but it's not as good as breastmilk.

Having a baby isn't just about being pregnant and giving birth. Our bodies are designed to nurture our babies; having a baby means giving up your own wants/needs for a while and devoting yourself to sustaining and nurturing the new life you created.

It amazes me how many women can't be bothered don't have the time to breastfeed their baby and choose the option of formula feeding. Why have a baby if you don't want to look after it?

I know people won't agree with me, I am so fed up of formula feeding mums thinking that they can bash breastfeeding just because they didn't do it. I also resent the ignorant comments trying to dismiss all of the benefits that breastfeeding provides for the baby and mother.

unimaginativename13 · 10/12/2015 17:33
Shock

Have you ever stopped to consider that most formula babies have actually been breastfed at some point!!!

I would say it's a small minority that do not even try to breastfed and go straight onto formula ( with first child anyway)

So your comments are pretty shocking to be fair.

It's one think promoting benefits of breastfeeding but it's completely below the belt to comment on the mothers decision.

Mine was medical so I had no choice I find your comments bloody offensive.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 17:36

MrsW what are you talking about? Who says that ff mothers aren't taking care of their baby's?

Why do all the ff bashers suggest that ff mums just do it so that they can pass their baby to someone else?

I ff and I can count on one hand the amount of times someone else has fed him.

I've been with both my boys 24/7, held them almost constantly, I'm up all through the night with this one.

How dare you be so insulting.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 17:40

Also how does ff save me any time I have to faff around washing bottles and sterilising making up powder cooling it it's a ballache it's not the easy option it was just the one that didn't cause me excruciating pain.

I'm really embarrassed to ff and I shouldn't have to be but people like you make me feel inadequate, guess what, I do t love my children any less than you love yours I just found one aspect of parenting really hard.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/12/2015 17:41

Oh, come on, Mrsw28! Every mother takes care of their baby, I've not met a single one who can't be bothered. Giving your baby formula is taking care of the baby, obviously. Formula is a safe adequate substitute for breastmilk. Hospitals give formula to babies if they need it, are they not bothered about looking after the babies too?

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 17:41

Mine were both ff. Dd1 was a very highly strung baby, Dd2 content and relaxed. I'm not sure.

The 270 cot deaths were not all 'because' of ff though. The biggest factor in cot death is smoking by miles. Premature babies are also more at risk which is something that you have absolutely no control of. OK bf probably reduces the risk slightly (maybe because ff babies sleep longer, if that is the case it makes sense) but as always lets be careful not to overstate.