WIBU to have asked this couple to move?

[LondonStill83]

Not too serious but a very odd situation...

DH and I had grabbed some food at a local food market, then walked down to the river to eat it. By the river there are these long cement walls, about waist height, which form the walls of the garden iyswim? Everyone sits on them and eats their food, lounges around, etc.

Anyway yesterday wasn't super busy surprisingly. There was a long wall (I would say about half a kilometre long?) and only us and another couple on it. So there was TONS of space for others to come and sit, eat, etc.

Then this lady comes up and sets her coffee down about a foot away from my thigh. I thought it was odd that she chose to do it so close, it was kind of like an empty bus and the person still chooses to sit next to you? Anyway she fumbled with her coffee up for a while and hen was joined by a man. They both fumbled around for a while, then she puts her bag right next to me (touching my thigh), pulls out a cigarette, and lights up!

Literally about five inches from my face whilst I was eating!!! The guy she was with did the same.

So I asked her if she would mind moving down as she was smoking right in my face whilst I was trying to eat.

She glared at me, so did the guy, for a few seconds before grudgingly moving about two feet down.

Why? Why on earth would you rock up next to someone who is eating, sit directly next to them, and light up a fag? I wasn't even sitting that close to DH!!!

So WIBU to ask her to move, and to be annoyed that her continual glares put a dampener on our lovely lunch???

It's the 'herd instinct.'

It can be seen up and down the land in car parks, caravan sites and parks and to a lesser degree, cafes.

People will automatically want to go and sit/stand next to another person, even when there is ample space to go elsewhere.

I'm a loner and always stay as far away from other people as possible given half a chance. I know that most people don't feel the same way as me though. They assume I'm lonely and want company. I don't.

I think of it as a throw-back to our hunter-gatherer days when safety was to be found in numbers. Regarding the smoking, some people just don't give a fuck about others.

Next time grab the coffee and say Thanks [Grin]

It's probably couples like that one that are the first to moan about the 'nanny state' as stricter and stricter rules around smoking are introduced. They don't seem to realise that it's because of rude, inconsiderate knobs like them that everything has to be backed up by legislation nowadays.

I would have been annoyed about that too. At first I thought she was alone and might have needed company but I see she was joined by somebody else. I would have moved away myself. Yes she was cheeky and inconsiderate.

Lucky you, it was bloody freezing where we are!

Yet but not everything happens in your town. Not sure what your astrophysics colleagues have to do with it; I was at the allotment in a t-shirt.

I'd have just said in a mildly curious tone 'what are you doing?' and raise an enquiring eyebrow at them. If that didn't raise the correct social response, I would have a rifle through the handbag they had just given me.

Slightly different situation, but one day I was sat on a wall in a shopping centre eating a sandwich. A market researcher (I think) approached me and ask if I would answer some questions. I politely declined. Instead of simply moving on he said "Why not? You're only sat there doing nothing!" He was very persistent. I ended up having to be pretty forceful, saying I wanted to be able to enjoy my lunch in peace, before he eventually got the message and left me alone. Some people are just weird!

People can be arseholes, I had someone sit next to me and light a fag up when I had my 6 week old in the pram in front of me. Safe to say I had strong words with her!

Gosh, is it just me who thinks this is a perfectly reasonable thing to post about in AIBU

Why would she even WANT to sit right next to you?

I reckon they were brother and sister. Waiting to catch her husband coming out of somewhere he shouldn't have been (then the brother will beat him up) and you sat in the only spot that had a good view of the exits.

I do not know why people do this.

Me and DH once went canoeing down this enormous, long, long river.

The entire trip took about three hours and there were 100's of little islands and places to stop and picnic etc. We spotted the perfect little island, just made for two (we were quite newlywed).

We 'parked' the canoe and jumped out, got our food out and started eating on the sand.

This woman came in to view and started drifting towards our island. 'No, she isn't!' I said to DH. She did.

She parked on our island and got out and started sunbathing. There was hardly room to swing a cat.

WHY? Why?!!! There were so many island, it was a huge river, why?!!

Yanbu. They were being very inconsiderate. Someone did something similar to me recently. Sat on a table next to me outside a cafe even though there were loads of tables free then lit up a cigarette whilst I ate my lunch.

They'd have got more than a polite request to move from me.

Even if they weren't smoking I'd have felt it was a bit odd sitting so close, I don't get why some people don't respect personal space! I wouldn't have the confidence to ask them to move though so would have moved myself, hopefully making the same point.

It's not quite the same thing, but when shopping in Aldi I go and use the window shelf to pack my bags, and someone always comes and puts their stuff right by mine, when they can see I have a trolley full and will therefore be using several bags! That or they allow their kids to sit/stand on the shelf right where I'm trying to pack!!!

Trills I love your conspiracy type theory of there's more to it than meets the eye suggestion.
Personally when people invade my space I always check my pockets in what I think is a discreet way.
Full respect to op tho, I probably would have moved but op was right on xx

Sorry it's been so long- work distracted me from the important things in life :-).

To those saying it's not worth dwelling on- I totally agree and can promise I am not at home stewing. Just thought it was odd and wanted to share with you lot for similar funny anecdotes and a lighthearted discussion.

To those saying only people outside in the winter are those who smoke, I can see where you are coming from in the sense of at a cafe or restaurant where there is ample space inside, and people still sit outside. I may then think they may be smoking, but truth be told I like the outdoors so often sit there myself as a non smoker, in all seasons.

This wasn't like that, either way. It's an outdoor market in Greenwich with no seating. So, if you buy food, you have to stand and eat, walk and eat, or lean against the garden cement walls. It's definitely not a smoker's haunt like certain spaces outside pubs- there are families with children, couples being all loved up, people reading normally in the summer, etc.

The thing is I don't mind if people smoke. I don't like the smell but generally can avoid it. I just think it's incredibly rude to smoke pretty much in my face while I am eating. My DH wasn't even as close to my face as she was!

To the poster who said I should move- why do you think so? I realise that she has every right to be there, but this issue to me is about general consideration for others, rather than her right to be there. Just like I have the right to tell her off due to freedom of speech but I chose to be polite and ask her to move instead.

She parked on our island and got out and started sunbathing. There was hardly room to swing a cat. WHY? Why?!!! There were so many island, it was a huge river, why?!!

You are good people. I would have had to say something, and probably thrown her back into the river for good measure. This would seriously piss me off.

I dislike cigarette smoke intensely. However, to be blunt, given that you were managing to sit on the riverside wall without being swept away by flood waters, I think you're dwelling on it rather too much.

Yanbu no need for people to sit on top of each other when their is plenty of space around!

Where is the line between musing on an incident about slightly strange human behaviour that happened recently and starting a conversation about it...and dwelling 'too much'..?

Yanbu

I don't get it either! Smoking on top of your meal. Ugh:

A couple of week ago I was in m and s coffee shop - it was deserted, I was at a table for 6, in a corner, with dd (3 weeks) BF ing and Dc 1 and 2 were beside me dh was getting drinks and had his jacket on chair.
Another lady came along with her toddler and proceeded to park her buggy at the end of table, thereby hemming us all in - we couldn't move in or out without asking her to mover her buggy such was the arrangement. She proceeded to take out pots and spoons and bits for spoon feeding her dd, now for us to move or dh coming back with our tray of food we would have to ask her to move and disturbing her if kids would be moving around her to get to loo etc.
So I told her we had people coming and would it be ok if she moved slightly further up to another table as we would disturb her and our food order was coming and we would be a little on top of her . She glared and gave me the evils for the rest of our lunch. There was literally a full restaurant for her to sit at otherwise.

Oh and bingo
The "how dare you even think about this when there are people worse off than you on the planet" post has been made
Mumsnet really is becoming a parody of itself these days.

Weird people !
Like people who are basically spooning you they are stood so close to you in a queue

I think sometimes people are so used to their own ways/habits that they don't even notice they are inconveniencing anyone else.

For example, if DH goes to the cinema, he always sits in the same place. It's because his eyesight is poor in one eye and so he always gravitates to roughly the same distance and angle from the screen. He'd still sit there even if the cinema was empty and the only other person was sitting two seats down from where he wants to sit. It just wouldn't cross his mind that they'd be pissed off that he was sitting nearby.

I'm guessing the smoking couple always gravitate to the same part of the wall, and they orient themselves by the view so that's what they did. OP was incidental.