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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that kids be left in the bath...

296 replies

Flashbangandgone · 06/12/2015 22:32

... While I go to another room upstairs from the age of 4?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 23:33

clare I don't think mrscog meant an official one. Just that she is happy with the risks and her actions.

SoWhite · 06/12/2015 23:33

Ie, if a 14 year old needed saving, and a 17 year old died, why should an 18 year old be allowed to lock the door? The risk is the same.

Senpai · 06/12/2015 23:35

clareash Two teens having serious accidents sounds like there's more going on than just an accident.

Your particular house might need no locks because of your unique circumstances, but the typical household does not past age 12.

Mrscog · 06/12/2015 23:36

Potato face, of course you can risk assess a bath based on variable factors!

A deep bath for a 4 year old would be riskier than a very shallow one. A shallow one doesn't remove all risk, no especially not in the bumped head scenario, but they're much more likely to try a silly underwater game in a deep bath, or lose their balance in a deep bath.

clareash99 · 06/12/2015 23:36

it is a risk, sowhite, I am pretty paranoid about baths! but there does come a point where you cannot continue to worry.

I also have a rule, for adults 18+ as well as teens, that no one is allowed to stand up to get out of the bath until the plug is out and the water draining away.

That does make me slightly less anxious!

That might also have saved my cousin.

treaclesoda · 06/12/2015 23:37

I think that as a teenager, if my parents had insisted that I wasn't allowed to lock the bathroom door, I would never have washed. Ever.

harrasseddotcom · 06/12/2015 23:37

sorry but insisting that a teenage child keeps the door unlocked so that an adult can 'check' on them in the bath sounds ludicrous and quite frankly quite creepy. As for younger children, depends on your child. Under 3's probably not. That said we have a shower and both dc used to stay in that for over an hour unsupervised (id check on them regularly).

Mrscog · 06/12/2015 23:38

A risk assessment is considering the likely risks, and taking action to minimise them. So the thought process I've outlined is my form of risk assessment.

SoWhite · 06/12/2015 23:38

I think that either you're incredibly paranoid, or that your home doesn't sound very safe.

Good luck enforcing those rules!

clareash99 · 06/12/2015 23:39

clareash Two teens having serious accidents sounds like there's more going on than just an accident.

No, I don't think so, just coincidence that both have happened to people close to me.

The two incidents were 30 years and nearly 300 miles apart.

And its weird to know that if my cousin hadn't died my son would have. Because if I hadn't been paranoid he would have had the door locked, and I would have heard him fall ( he fainted) but have been unable to reach him in time

Mrscog · 06/12/2015 23:39

And as for the locking thing, we have locks like sparklings - you can just use a coin or something to get in if you have to. Much easier than enforcing rules.

clareash99 · 06/12/2015 23:41

mrscog - I certainly don't consider what you have outlined to be a risk assessment. I can't even see that you have assessed a risk, so how can you call it a risk assessment?

You have just made a decision to leave your child unsupervised in a dangerous situation for short times, and trust to luck. That isn't a risk assessment.

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 23:41

It would be good if the OP came back and revealed why they were asking.

SoWhite · 06/12/2015 23:44

Our bathroom locks are just a curtesy thing. They lock from the inside, but you can open them from the outside if needed. Like the ones I have attached.

This means that the bathroom user gets to feel in a private space, but that someone can get in if the worst should happen. The little flat bit twists around very easily, meaning that noone can be truly locked in.

Suits us just fine. Safe and secure on both sides of the argument.

To think that kids be left in the bath...
clareash99 · 06/12/2015 23:46

sowhite, that sounds ideal

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 23:47

They look much the same as ours.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2015 23:47

I was thinking the same thing rainbow spiral. I would imagine the 'norm' of pottering about close by is 4 or 5 depending in the child.
Certainly any time I've happened to be around friends who are bathing their kids, they're on their own from 4 or 5.

DixieNormas · 06/12/2015 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goingmadinthecountry · 06/12/2015 23:58

I don't actually remember that far back but can't imagine I stayed in the room all the time with mine at the age of 4. We always had a non slip mat and I've always encouraged independence. I am aware there are some harrowing stories on here and you have my utmost sympathy, but children really have become far less independent and it's not always a good thing.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 07/12/2015 00:01

You can get privacy without locking a door, just close it an say if the door is closed then people should knock. No one has ever even locked the door on my family bathroom be they 12, 42 or 62. Do you lock your bedroom doors to get privacy.

Yes a 4 year old can drown, so can a 17 year old or a 50 year old and it really does take seconds, and to the poster that said they only leave their little ones in very shallow water, you do realise you can drown in a cm of water?!

Your children aren't allowed to stand up, brilliant do you know the first thing their going to do when you leave the room?!

Any way yes, 4 is much much too young to leave in the bath, although yes audio monitoring for seconds to grab a towel or night clothes is normally ok. Although my parents tended to lift me and my siblings out of the bath or call to an older sibling rather than leave us up untl 6, after that often they'd still be in the bathroom till 8, and after that yes calling through the door til 13. And certainly this what my sister does. No drowning or near drowning incidents that I'm aware of just being water aware.

All very good swimmers, family bonding time was mainly around the pool. Just not worth the risk.

Sparklingbrook · 07/12/2015 00:08

We all lock the bathroom door here. Doesn't cause any problems.

CakeNinja · 07/12/2015 00:09

My 4yo sits and plays while I potter.
I'm usually sat on the loo seat chatting with him, or plucking my eyebrows, and more often, cleaning the sink and loo!
I will leave him to get a towel or whatever but only for 20-15 seconds I would guess, and I usually remember to take one in anyway.
Sometimes I sit in the hallway and fold washing where I can see him constantly and he's yabbering away.
I have decided this is fine for us.
People make their own decisions.

loubyloubylou · 07/12/2015 00:11

I have an 18 month old and 3 year old. I currently run to the end of our upstairs corridor to get nappies/clothes whilst they play in the bath. Takes me 10=20 seconds maybe - I can see them, I can hear them, but I know its not ideal. At 4, I may leave one child to run somewhere and be back within 30 seconds. I'd feel uncomfortable, but I would probably do it.

unlucky83 · 07/12/2015 00:13

I think DC can always take you by surprise - you really can't trust a small DC not to stand up etc.
I just had a Shock DD2 is 8 nearly 9 and usually has showers but the other day she said she'd like a bath...I use it as a good opportunity to give her hair a really good wash and condition.
From about 6 I have pottered whilst she was in the bath (small house) never gone downstairs, listening out for her, got her to sing or asked her if she was ok every 15 secs or so etc and we have no standing or submerging your head rules.
So whilst she was in the bath (door open) I was next door putting washing away, listening out for her. When I went in she said 'surprise!' - she had washed and conditioned and brushed through her hair. We have quite a big bathroom - to get the shampoo etc not only had she stood up but had had to get out the bath and walk a metre to the cupboard and get back in. She had also submerged her head. She was being deliberately quiet but I hadn't heard her do any of it ... made me realise that when I thought she was safe before she probably wasn't...

Gruntfuttock · 07/12/2015 00:18

"I currently run to the end of our upstairs corridor to get nappies/clothes whilst they play in the bath."

What is your reason for doing this while they're in the bath instead of before they get in?