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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage curfew

33 replies

Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:07

Having a slight disagreement with OH. What do you think is a reasonable curfew for a 16 year old boy?

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BoomBoomsCousin · 05/12/2015 07:21

Depends what he's like. Why does he need a curfew?

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2015 07:24

None. By 16 it needs to be on a case by case basis. And negotiated. Well, I think it should be that at any age, actually. It's no use saying "be in by 9.00" if the film or gig or whatever doesn't finish til 10. And it's no use saying "be in by 11" if they have two exams the next day.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 07:36

We let ds3 stay out to finish what he's doing. If he's at power league til late, as long as he phones and let's us know it's not a problem.

He's been to a lot of parties recently and he's been home by midnight, usually a lift home.

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:37

I think you answered my question boomboom, 16 year olds don't really have a curfew do they?

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Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:38

Although, I will clarify, I don't mean 10pm. But is coming in at 3am acceptable?

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londonrach · 05/12/2015 07:40

Depends on the child. My dsis and i never had a curfew, just had to inform parents where we were. Is he sensible?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 07:41

I wouldn't be happy at 3 am.

Fuck that, is your lad staying out til then.

Sirzy · 05/12/2015 07:43

Unless it is from a specific event, and pre arranged then no I wouldn't say 3am is acceptable.

Where was he until that time?

Mistigri · 05/12/2015 07:47

I think it depends on how often it happens, why, and whether he's capable of coming in at 3am without waking the rest of the house ...

OfficeGirl1969 · 05/12/2015 07:47

I second BertrandRussel - there wasn't a blanket curfew time for my three - it was always dependant on day of the week/what the event was/what needed to be done the following day. I actually think it gave then a better understanding to say "tonight it's better for you to be home by ten because you've got xxx tomorrow, but next Friday you could stay out as late as you like" than just a general "you must be home at ten regardless"

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:48

Friend's houses mainly. If it was a gig or something I wouldn't even mention it. But just hanging around...

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Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:49

What does sensible mean Rach? He is 16 😉

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Izzabellasasperella · 05/12/2015 07:49

No 3am is not acceptable. We like dd (just turned 16)to be home home 8.30/9 on a school night. Later on a Fri /Sat but usually around 10ish.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 07:53

3 am isn't acceptable here.

I wouldn't let him walk/ cycle at that time and he's not getting a lift home either.

Sirzy · 05/12/2015 07:54

How old are his friends? Must be very understanding parents if they are a similar age to him to let them hang out til 3am!

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:54

I think my use of the word "curfew" is misleading. We don't have a set time regardless and certainly take into consideration what he is doing. However should he just go out without any prior agreement about what time he comes home?

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 07:56

In response to your last question, no, he should talk to you first about where he's going and what time he'll be home.

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 07:57

Friends are older. At university, but still living at home

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Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 08:01

Stillclassy, what if he is telling us where he is (true according to find my iPhone) but saying he wouldn't be home until 3?

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 08:11

I'd be unhappy about ds3 staying out til then and would insist that he was home earlier, like midnight.

What's the disagreement with your OH?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 08:14

How's your relationship with your ds generally.

I'll be honest and admit I've never had 'staying out' issues with any of mine at 16, those came later at Sixth Form and beyond then booze became the problem.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/12/2015 08:14

Is there a problem with him coming home at 3? Are you waiting up or does he wake you? Is he unable to do the things he should the next day? is it unsafe for him to come home then?

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 08:19

He would be 6th form. There are a lot of drugs here, (not in the UK) he works every weekend and NEVER misses a shift. (he misses so much bloody school, but never goes out in the week!)

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/12/2015 08:22

Is there more to this than staying out to 3.00?

Do you think he's taking drugs?

Original poster
Sadmother · 05/12/2015 08:29

Yes, like most teenagers he drinks and takes drugs. not always. Invariably he doesn't because he has to get up for work.

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