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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think that mil didn't deserve to be talked to like this by the teacher?

54 replies

Sothisishowitfeels · 04/12/2015 20:53

I am in hospital with my 5 week old who has a chest infection she is on oxygen now and being tube fed . We only came in last night and dh had to go into work for a few hours so I needed to call mil to collect my 3 year old from nursery.

This morning dd was getting worse she needed to go onto oxygen, she was being sick and choking after the tube feeds and going for chest X-rays etc and tbh I just totally lost track of time and before I even blinked it seemed to have gone from 6am to midday.
I called mil who went to the school she was about 20 minutes late.

The head of the early years was very rude to mil ( who hadn't actually done anything wrong herself and I did explain to her on the phone

OP posts:

MissMoo22 · 04/12/2015 21:48

Even if she DID mean it as there are so many other babies getting sick too (which I read it as) it's still very rude to give off to your MIL about being late considering the circumstances.

I hope your LO is well again soon, poor little mite!

MrsDeVere · 04/12/2015 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unreasonablebetty · 04/12/2015 21:59

I hope your baby feels better soon,
That was an awful thing of her to say, as if that diminishes the effect an ill baby has cod you've got five others,
If you have time to, I'd be writing a strongly worded letter of complaint and saying that the comment was not only unprofessional and a vile thing to say about a baby, anD you want an adequate explanation as to what she was implying, and that it seriously makes you consider if she is the right person for her job, you know dealing with multiple children and absolutely no empathy by the sounds of it.

Mmmmcake123 · 04/12/2015 22:00

Incredible lack of empathy from teacher, either she is completely awful or maybe she didn't fully understand the situation.
Once your little one is better I would simply explain exactly what happened and if she is reasonable she should apologise. If she doesn't, then complain to her manager or headteacher.
Best wishes for you, your prescious little one and all the family xx

Justaboy · 04/12/2015 22:05

Look Mum don't worry re the teacher. I think when the circumstances of what's going on are told to her then she may and i hope she does apologise. Perhaps she hasn't had children as yet cos if she was in your shoes i expect she'd be shitting herself with worry.

Please the only important thing right now is your child that surpasses everything else.

Bless you:)

dodobookends · 04/12/2015 22:59

I read the comment to mean: "there's plenty of other people with sick babies at the moment and they managed to get here on time to pick their kids up". Perhaps the early years head got the wrong end of the stick and didn't quite get the bit about you being in the hospital with your other dc. She was probably narked and not interested in listening to 'excuses' and didn't actually pay attention to what she was being told.

Still a horrible thing to say though.

ThirdThoughts · 04/12/2015 23:09

Once you are home with well baby, I'd put in a complaint about an over-reaction to an emergency situation, they know that you are not generally unreliable about pick ups and you are with your baby in hospital.

I'd also report her comments and how you interpreted them (including the context of previous comments about your family size).

So complain, complain, complain. Once your baby is well and you have the strength to do so, you were not unreasonable.

febreeze · 04/12/2015 23:16

Did you call the school, explain and say that your Mil was on the way but would be late?

TrinityForce · 04/12/2015 23:51

"The head of the early years was very rude to mil ( who hadn't actually done anything wrong herself and I did explain to her on the phone"

I understood that to mean OP did in fact ring the school ahead and explain.

I hope your baby's health improves soon, OP. This wasn't your fault, not at all. Rude teacher, she deserves a bollocking.

MidniteScribbler · 04/12/2015 23:52

It's sometimes worth bearing in mind that teachers also have their own children to collect or care for. A late parent can mean the teacher ends up being late to pick up their own child and may have to pay penalty rates (it has happened to me and the parent concerned couldn't care less), and then by extension cause problems for the child care worker who needs to collect their own child, or a partner being late for work waiting for that parent to come home. After about the fifth time it happened to me, I now take a very hard line on lateness, and whilst I would be sympathetic to your situation, I would point out that you need to make arrangements for your child to be collected on time. Could you arrange MIL to collect everyday for now unless she hears from you otherwise? That way you wouldn't have to be worrying about picking up on time and can concentrate on your baby.

I didn't read it as a dig on your family size, but more a dig about the number of parents being late. When it happens repeatedly (even though this could be your first time, she may deal with the same issue every day from other families) then it was probably just frustration and constant lateness from people.

Bakeoffcake · 05/12/2015 00:35

There is no excuse at all for a member of staff to speak to your MIL like that, especially given she knew your baby was ill in hospital.

She may have had a bad day herself but you'd have to be a complete cow to speak to someone like she did.

OP I hope your baby gets better soon.

Pico2 · 05/12/2015 00:38

Perhaps you could start by 'clarifying' the situation on the basis that they need to know about how poorly your baby is as it might be worrying your 3 yo and the teacher can't have fully understood given her comments to your MIL. I know it's a bit of a PA approach, but then the teacher can either choose to dig herself a bigger hole or profusely apologise for the misunderstanding. If she goes for the bigger hole then you can complain more easily.

Crazypetlady · 05/12/2015 00:52

Just wanted to send you and your baby some positive thoughts

bakingaddict · 05/12/2015 01:42

Sorry about your baby but I think you just need to let it go. The teacher was just reinforcing that there are lots of people with sick kids not a comment on your family size. Yes your situation was very difficult but if your MIL was the umpteenth late pick-up she's dealt with then you can see why the teacher has reacted in that way plus I wouldn't put in a complaint as you only have your MIL's version of the exchange.

mmgirish · 05/12/2015 02:17

I think that was rude. I used to hate it when parents were late for pick and often lost my lunch break too. If it was a first offence, I would accept an apology but if they were serial offenders I would always make a comment about the lateness. Are you often late picking up?

mmgirish · 05/12/2015 02:18

Sorry, just read that you are not usually late.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 05/12/2015 03:10

MIL should not have told you this OP. I hope you and baby are feeling ok. Forget about it now! It doesn't matter at all.

Pico2 · 05/12/2015 07:33

There might be a lot of sick babies about in the sense of older babies with mild colds. But there aren't lots of hospitalised 5 week olds. Whichever way she meant it, it either means that she doesn't understand the situation or was being deliberately unpleasant.

I hope your baby gets better soon Sothis .

BlueJug · 05/12/2015 08:19

Suspect misunderstanding. Teacher also right to look out for the child in her care who may well have been distressed as no-one there to collect her. Absolutely right to comment that it is a priority.

You need to focus on your children not on a comment from teacher to your MiL who was late picking up a 3 year old, (not an older child but a 3 year-old who was probably needing to be reassured).

The teacher had no idea why you were late so may also have been worried. She may also have her own child to collect, your MiL was likely stressed and worried about you, your baby, the 3 year old, being late etc.

What are the chances that anything that was said in those circumstances could be misconstrued? What will you gain? Teacher could have meant anything, more likely she meant nothing and was just relieved to see your MiL collect the child. Your MiL should also have more sense than to pass on this comment which could only stir trouble, when you are in hospital.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 05/12/2015 08:24

I read it as teacher meaning there's lots of sick babies this time of year and other parents get their kids on time still.

OP did your mil actually say that baby is in hospital or did she just says she's poorly? Because unless it was specified the teacher would just assume it was normall slightly grizzly baby with a cold.

Dipankrispaneven · 05/12/2015 08:27

I now take a very hard line on lateness, and whilst I would be sympathetic to your situation, I would point out that you need to make arrangements for your child to be collected on time

Midnite, would you seriously make that comment if you'd been told that the problem arose because a baby was hospitalised and very ill? And would you make the comment to the person who was helping out at the last minute rather than the parents whose responsibility it actually is?

tobysmum77 · 05/12/2015 08:36

Yanbu at all. The teacher having a go at someone just doing their best to help is totally out of order.

ArmchairTraveller · 05/12/2015 08:41

I don't think the teacher understood the seriousness of the situation, but when I felt up to it, I'd write a long and disappointed email to the head of the nursery, setting out the circumstances and being horrified at their lack of compassion and flexibility for a rare and unpredictable event.

NoahVale · 05/12/2015 08:50

hope your baby recovers soon op. focus on her. perhaps the school was a misunderstanding.

5madthings · 05/12/2015 09:11

I am.not sure why peoole think the nursery didn't understand. The op says she phoned herself and explained, so am assuming she will have said she was at the hospital with poorly five week old hence mil picking up and being late.

Anyway op I can see why it riled you. Not worth doing anything about it now, but maybe have a word once baby is home and well just to clear the air.

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