to not let 12 year old eat supper?

[Jw35]

My 12 year old dd is a little overweight. She's not fat and she's growing but she's in age 14-15 clothes.

I also have an almost one year old. I get up at 5.30 most mornings and by the time baby goes to bed at 7pm in shattered (I'm also pregnant so more tired than usual).

Kids have dinner at 5pm. Always a biggish meal, dd is always full afterwards. She wants more to eat around 8pm-usually a sandwich. By this time I'm tired and want peace and quiet. I've introduced 'quiet time' between 8-9pm so she goes upstairs and reads or whatever then comes down to say goodnight at 9pm

I said she can have supper at 7.30pm but my sister has said to me (while she visited last weekend) she shouldn't need anything else and I'm over feeding her. (Not in front of her) Is she right? Does she need supper at all? How should I handle this? She doesn't snack much just 3 meals a day and supper

I don't think there is anything wrong with a small snack if she's eating that early but a sandwhich is not a snack it's a meal.

Could she have fruit/a single slice of toast? And is she actually hungry or is it habit?

I would move to a three meals three snacks model. It's possible that your dd is overeating because she isn't eating frequently enough. If you plan snacks, say fruit mid morning and afternoon with a plain biscuit...then a milky drink and piece of toast at bedtime...but reasonably sized balanced meals, plenty of activity.

If she eats dinner at 5.30pm, then assuming she eats breakfast around 7.30am, that's about 14 hours to go - that is too long.

Even if each of her meals are 500 calories (that's quite decent portions for a 12 year old), she would still be lacking and still hungry. Planning the snacks will avoid overeating because she isn't getting enough.

I would keep more healthy food around the house so she doesn't have the option of junk. Sugar can make you even hungrier later.

Starving her isn't going to make her have a healthy relationship with food.

Does she have a pudding at 5pm? If so, could she save that and have it later?

I sometimes give my DS a sandwich or something but only after sports training.

When I read any threads regarding amounts eaten I always wonder what the actual portion size is. One persons biggish is another persons small and yet another persons huge.

Plus what is snacking much? I'm an older mnetter and snacking just didn't exist like it does these days it was unusual when I was a child so I just never got in to the habit.

I would say protein or something with a low g i. So either a boiled egg 155 calories high protein or a bowl of porridge with milk. OR move the time of your main meal

If you only have the right type of food in l think you should let her eat. My dc always had supper before bed. Slice of toast or cereal..not sugary stuff. They are too skinny if anything. They always hated when they were in a friends house where there was always rules around eating and they were hungry. So many families seemed to make a big deal about eating. My lads would eat stones., have no interest in desserts, love vegetables etc.When they went to college they cooked for themselves and ate well although a lot of their mates seemed to eat unbelievable stuff. If a child wants supper let her have it with no junk of course. She needs to learn to listen to her own body.

I'm thinking dinner sounds too early too.
What is she like to look at? Does she look a healthy weight? Just being in an older clothes size isn't in itself an indicator she's overweight.
If you don't want to shuffle the meals around could you try a 'half sandwich' (one slice of bread folded over) to tide her over until breakfast? Or second the PP about a slice of toast. At least that way she's getting something that'll fill, but it's halving the calories.

We always had supper (a bedtime snack) as kids. Toast, cereal or similar. My DS does if he has had tea early or after an activity. Nothing wrong with this if her weight is OK

I wouldn't give a sandwich, that's another small meal. If she's overweight then change this "supper" to a small snack and make all her portion sizes a bit less. But don't let her know you feel she's overweight, just say she's growing up now and doesn't need snacks like a toddler did, or some other explanation.

All of our 5DC have 4 meals a day.Breakfast,lunch and pudding if they want it,dinner and again pudding if they want it and then supper about an hour before they go to bed.

They're all very active though,oldest DS19 has a very physical job and works out nearly every day,bikes or walks everywhere including to work every day,second oldest DS17 is in college,walks the dogs everyday,works out at the gym or at home everyday and goes jogging twice a week and either bikes or walks everywhere.
DS14 massive school to walk around all day,does P.E. 3/4 times a week at school,goes to the gym 2 times a week,plays football once a week and Rugby once a week.
DD12 same massive school to walk around all day,doess P.E. 3/4 times a week,goes to judo once a week,goes to gymnastics once a week,practices her gymnastics at least 2/3 times a week at home,goes running or jogging 1/2 times a week.
DD8,P.E plus swimming 2/3 times a week,physio every day before school(DD is disabled)Judo once a week,dancing classes once a week,gardening class once a week,yoga,ballet and more dancing at home when she feels like it.

I wouldn't let anything be said about what your DD weighs or eats in front of her.I try to be really careful about that subject around all of our DC as I was anorexic for 9 years when I was growing up and a few other people in my family have had eating disorders in the past.

I think as long as she's eating healthily 90% of the time and is active enough then there's nothing to worry about and I'd let her have the supper.

Personally I would give her smaller portions at dinner and carry on with supper.

Teens need more calories then adults and some posters are reacting like your dds needs are their needs.

To work out if my kids are overweight I use the "red book" provided for babies in Scotland which has percentile charts for height and weight up to age 18. In fact my son who I felt was overweight was 75 percentile for both height and weight so he was average. My other one was 80 percentile for height and 50 percentile for weight so in fact it was him who was on the slimmer than average.

Thanks for all the replies.

We eat at 5 because I don't want to cook later as I'm tired and the baby couldn't wait that long. I eat with the children.

I agree a sandwich is probably wrong.

I've never told her she's overweight, she has mentioned it and I've always told her she isn't.

She's about 5 foot 5 and doesn't look fat, she looks a little chubby in the face, slight double chin but not fat.

I eat normally, maybe a bit extra at the moment being pregnant.

She has breakfast at 7, lunch at 1 at school and dinner at 5. She's not always hungry at 5 but usually wars it anyway.

I don't keep biscuits in the house anymore as she has a weakness for sweet food and junk. She only drinks water. Her diet is mostly healthy.

She does no exercise and this could be a big part of the problem!

My two (8 and 11) have supper, usually a mug of full fat milk and a couple of biscuits. I know they shouldn't and don't need it but it's become a habit. DH and I pretty much always have a cuppa and biscuits before we go to bed. They often have pudding after their evening meal too (we eat at 6.30ish) but while they're skinny and full of beans, it's one of the things I can't get too worked up about.

Tbf there is a puppy fat phase for a lot of kids pre/early puberty that sorts itself out for most during puberty.

Also most people forget that children require very different diets to adults and it can actually be harmful if they don't get enough of the right fats. Diet is such a damned if you do, damned if you don't topic. People will always have an opinion on it.

At 5ft5in she is pretty tall for 12 years so not surprised she's in age 14 clothes.

7am til 1pm seems a really long time for her to go without anything during the school day though. Does she usually have something from her lunch during mid-morning break?

I would suggest the supper thing may be mostly habit, which can lead to over-eating. I would try and reserve something protein-based for supper such as a greek yoghurt (make it a low sugar one though) or cheese strings, baby bel, dairylea etc.

Once a child gets to 12/13 they develop hollow legs and it's very difficult to fill them up.

I don't think it's very fair to not allow her some supper because you want peace and quiet. She's 12, she's more than capable of making herself some toast and milk. She won't sleep well if she's hungry.

I agree with reducing portion sizes and don't think 5pm is too early but this will depend on what time she tends to fall asleep. A warm drink is satisfying at bedtime rather than a full on snack so maybe just a banana til she gets used to it. Also, I don't give bread as a side with most evening meals. I think it fills you up but then later makes you feel more hungry. You will need to gradually make the changes though and maybe if you bought new plates she might not notice.

Exercise is good for stimulating the metabolism.

I've always been small and slim, but as I hit puberty, my appetite suddenly rocketed. I'd eat the stodgiest option possible for school lunch and be ravenous all afternoon. My mum was cagey about portion sizes, so I'd end up secretly eating an extra dinner of beans on toast straight after dinner. I did moderate exercise a few times a week. My appetite naturally calmed after.

It's worth thinking about the calorie content of how much she has overall and how much that matches her needs. Also how satisfying is the food. Are there enough fats and proteins that take longer to digest and keep hunger at bay.

If I'd had something easily digestible like pasta at 5, I'd be wanting supper a few hours later.

I would let her keep having a snack because otherwise you're highlighting a 'weight' issue and a 12 year old may take that badly because leading to more problems.

I would agree with those that say it's about activity levels and overall consumption in a day. I have two DC and my DS who is 8.5 will eat a sandwich at 7.30 or a bowl of cereal. He often has a big dinner with dessert. He will also have a big packed lunch, a sandwich after school and breakfast. He eats a lot but is on 6th percentile. My DD is only 4.7 and is included in all of the meals but never wants supper- she is quite small, 25 perecentile However, they don't always finish the carbs in their meals and they both walk a minimum of 2 miles a day, sometimes 4 if to and from school. My son plays football every lunch time and my DD likes 'fresh air' and will often opt to run around in the cold on her own, stroking slugs and wood lice, when the other children in REception find it too cold and stay on the patio area for reception children only, that doesn't require much running about. I do therefore think 'activity' is the reason they can eat a lot but still be very slim! Then again your DD is obviously at a completely different age of development when your body does change etc.

If she is just a lil chubby in the face that is completely normal for her age. If you are concerned tho check the red book or you can Google growth charts if that's easier.

She's 12! A slightly fuller face and a hint of a double chin is the perfectly normal pre pubescent/pubescent puppy fat at precedes growth of bone. She needs supper. Not a fourth meal - toast with healthy spread and milk or similar. How tall is she? The age range of clothes is irrelevant. My DD (13) is in adult size ten but then she is 5'11" tall.

Why shouldn't they Harold? I'm just interested as I had supper every day as a child and still do. DH wasn't allowed to eat after tea at 5 and thinks supper for the DC is unnecessary even though he scoffs biscuits well into the evening. Maybe your approach to this depends on upbringing and family habits.

My daughter's school (she's been boarding since age 10, long story and we hadn't planned it that way!) keeps snacks in the boarding house for the 12-13 year olds who have a later bedtime and are mostly growing fast. I think a sensible supper is a good idea for that age group. Cheese toastie is one of her preferences and I think a sensible option, they need protein while they are growing fast and plenty of calcium even when the girls have stopped growing.