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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Workplace bullying, stress and facebook

75 replies

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:11

Talk Employment issues
Workplace bullying and facebook1
Today 14:47 ForeverLivingMyArse

It's a long story but basically I'm signed off my work with work related stress and am starting formal proceedings against the manager for bullying and harassment.

She's the only and overall manager and I've had to go to our board with my complaints, small place with 14 members of staff.

I've had my manager as a fb friend from when before she was my manager. I felt it was innaproproate especially recently but feared a backlash from her if I removed her. I hid her from my news feed and added her to limited profile so she couldn't see anything I done in fb.

As I'd feared she questioned me about this. I went off not long after that.

I have a few other members of staff in fb. Last week was our Christmas night out, I didn't go. My manager posted and tagged mutual friends on fb thanking them for a great night out and how lucky she was to work with such a great bunch of people. hmm

I thought fair enough she can post what she's like but its a bit innaproproate given I'm not the only one signed off with stress directly related to the way she treats us.

I let it go

Last night she's posted and tagged mutual friends in a post with a picture which says 'if you think I'm mental you should see my work mates'

No one has replied.

I've screen shot it.

Am I being over sensitive or am I right in thinking this just isn't appropriate as manager when 2 of your staff are off with stress?

OP posts:

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:01

I haven't posted about her and Facebook before.

OP posts:

OneofTHOSEWomen · 04/12/2015 16:02

Are you getting advice/support during this process? A union, leagal advice? I would run it by them. In the meantime edit your Facebook preference so work colleagues do not appear on your newsfeed so if she does tag them you won't see it on your page.

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:03

I have blocked now, had only unfriended previously and hid from before that.

OP posts:

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:03

Yes I have the support of the union

OP posts:

summerwinterton · 04/12/2015 16:05

if you block her you won't see any updates

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:05

I have blocked her now

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 04/12/2015 16:06

It probably was her intention that you saw it, I would ignore and delete. See this lots- little digs - most from 12 year olds.

rookiemere · 04/12/2015 16:06

I have a FB rule that I'm not FB friends with anyone where I provide feedback on them or they report into me or who I work for.

Happy to have work colleagues but not if they fit into the above categories.

Sadly it's a bit late for you but I think it's a good general rule to follow.

I have to concur with what others have said, YABU.

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:09

She was just a colleuge when I accepted her request.

OP posts:

OneofTHOSEWomen · 04/12/2015 16:12

She is messing with your head, perhaps not actively, perhaps in a subtle passive aggressive way. Either way, it's affecting you and you don't need it.

KeepOnMoving1 · 04/12/2015 16:13

Honestly it sounds like you are really trying to make this about you. She has been blocked by you, she has not mentioned you in her post and it only came up because of mutual friends. You are way too invested in turning this about you. You have started proceeding against her, not working with her so your contact with her is limited. Step away from fb a bit as well.

m0therofdragons · 04/12/2015 16:16

That things been going round fb for years and really not something to even comment on. I understand that in your situation you've taken offence but I'm afraid that in this instance you're being unreasonable. It's a joke - nothing more and nothing less. Some jokes people find funny and others people get offended by but I wouldn't mention it as I think it would take away from your actual complaint which I assume is far more serious and robust.

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:16

Ok thanks.

The whole thing has consumed me so much I've lost perspective and felt so unwell with it all.

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 04/12/2015 16:23

Completely understand and work stuff like this is crap - usually a middle manager thinking they're more important than they are. A true manager shows leadership by doing and treats the team as equals. She may well have deliberately done it hoping you'll see it or she may have seen it and shared because it made her laugh. You'll never know but I just wouldn't focus on fb. Hope everything improves quickly.

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 16:25

I just want to be back at my work doing what I love.

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 04/12/2015 16:32

From the OP I can't see what she has done wrong

think you are maybe over sensitive

mintygirl664 · 04/12/2015 16:37

Work place bullying isn't always obvious to those who are not the intended target.

Keep a detailed note, especially screenshots of anything that could be directed at you.

Sadly bullying and bullies dont stop when they leave school, they are in all areas of life.

ricketytickety · 04/12/2015 16:39

I don't think you are being oversensitive - if she's a bully and has just heard you have put in a complaint then it's entirely possible she did this on purpose.

However, it is very immature and you need to resist looking at her posts in the future as if she is the bullying type chances are you'll see something like it again.

Just put it down to her twatish behaviour and move on from it. No one can prove she meant you and your colleague unfortunately, it's too much of a grey area. Unless it's similar to something she has already done/sa

ricketytickety · 04/12/2015 16:40

*done/said.

Original poster

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 18:27

Thanks. I've blocked her completely now.

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 04/12/2015 22:39

I think you're overthinking it. It's a bit like a recovering alcoholic getting upset if someone posts about needing a drink after a hard day at work, or a vegan getting upset if someone posts a photo of their steak dinner. Not everything is always about you. I have 450 friends on facebook (no work people) and other than avoiding anything that is political or religious, I'm not thinking about anyone who may be an alcoholic if I post a picture with friends enjoying a night out with a drink in my hand, or the vegans if I talk about a BBQ. I doubt she even gave you a thought when she posted, especially since you already said that you and her are no longer facebook friends.

Cloppysow · 05/12/2015 00:02

That "if you think i'm mental you should see my workmates" meme is doing the rounds on facebook just now. I've seen a few folk posting it, wouldn't take it too personally.

Birdsgottafly · 05/12/2015 01:53

It's totally unacceptable for a Manager to post that. All the MH campaigns have included others attitudes at work and how Senior Staff can make a difference.

I wouldn't take it as personal, but I would anonymously send the screen shot into HR, only because you have enough going on to do this un-anonymously.

BeanGirls · 05/12/2015 09:10

From the information given it sounds like Yabu. Why would she Include you in the post on the night out when, you weren't there and you'd previously unfollowed her on fb. The second one was probably poor judgement on her part. But I wouldn't be offended.

Do you always take things so personally? I'm intrigued now as to what happened with the bullying.

mintoil · 05/12/2015 09:37

It does sound like you are very oversensitive OP and reading too much into it.

She probably made those posts without giving you a second thought.

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