Would I be unreasonable to steer clear of my friend?

[TudorTrace]

An old school friend of mine (who is absolutely lovely as a person, to me anyway), has got herself into a bit of a pickle with steeling and fraud.

For example, she goes into Debenhams and searches for things (small) without security tags, picks up one of their catalogues, and walks around the store looking deeply interested in things on show before leaving. She also has a 'can't not have something if I bought something' attitude, meaning she'll pick pocket anything, I mean anything, as a little token of thanks (to herself, from the store), for actually buying something.

I was with her last Saturday and I went for lunch together (A13 so no shops around there to take anything).. I asked where she managed to buy all of these genuine goods and sell them on EBay/Facebook selling pages, and this is when she admitted what she does (quite detailed too), in a very proud manner. I was shocked, and somewhat disappointed too because I never saw that one coming, she's a very innocent/bubbly type. She'd do anything for anyone in need, IME.

Furthermore, she says she complains to multiple companies around Christmas time, claiming she was spoken badly of by members of staff in that store and when they conclude that there's no evidence but her word etc, they send her vouchers as a 'good will gesture' of which she then has a 'spend up, as she put it, in the January sales!

AIBU to be deeply concerned and distance myself from her? She claims she does it as a release from the pressures surrounding her divorce, but to me it's much more than that and that doesn't excuse her actions.

I just don't know what to do, Mumsnet. She's a lovely woman to people but appears very (successfully) deceptive. And claims she's never been caught which I think isn't teaching her a lesson.

AIBU to distance myself? Or, should I leave the situation well alone and keep my nose out. I really don't know.

IT doesn't matter how 'lovely' she is with people- she is not a nice person. I would tell her that she needs professional help with her personal problems and if she isn't willing to get help then I would drop her as a friend and tell her why.

You bought something?

So you bought an item that was stolen, you now know it was stolen and you know she is going to continue to do this.

I am no legal expert, but by selling you this and revealing it's stolen.... She seems to have put you in a very precarious position.

"Stress release" my arse. She is doing this to make money and doesn't care if anyone gets hurt in the process. She is most definitely NOT a lovely person.

No way would I have any relationship with her. I would tell her what I think and would advise Debenhams of her activities. I hope she gets caught asap.

I couldn't be friends with someone like that. She clearly doesn't care about other people because her false complaints are jeopardising shop assistant's jobs and therefore their ability to support their family over Christmas! She's not the person you thought she was. I don't buy her excuse either, she's doing this for cold, hard cash not emotional reasons, she's selling on the stolen items and going on spending sprees with the compensation vouchers she gets from lying. I feel for you because distancing yourself from a friend is never easy but I do think it is the right decision in this situation. I do feel concerned that she might lie about your reasons for distancing yourself to mutual friends since she is obviously untrustworthy. I am not saying you should gossip about her but don't protect her either, be prepared to tell the truth about why you why you don't want to be friends with her anymore if mutual friends ask.

Now that you're aware that the goods are stolen, and you've bought them, you may well be handling stolen goods.

I used to be friends with someone like this. I was a retail manager at the time and I was so upset when I found out. She used to look after my daugher while I was at work and had taken her out as a cover for her shoplifting.
She had listened to me talk about how much my job was impacted by shoplifters and had even been in my store when I was arguing with my area manager about a complaint that was blatantly made up that my assistant manager nearly got fired for.
It is not some faceless corporation that she is ripping off. Normal people are heavily affected by this. If stock levels are wrong its shop floor staff that get in trouble. People on tiny contracts of minimum wage. Distance yourself and seriously consider reporting her.

You need to report her. By knowing about it and not reporting it makes you just as bad as her. She is despicable.

She steals as a thank you from the shop?

Don't be too sure she hasn't stolen from you. If she buys you a drink she may well take the money from your purse to thank herself. What's the difference?

And obviously she prefers to go shopping by herself, because you'd be on edge and drawing attention to her.

Where she's completely mad is in telling you that she does it. Does she think you'll approve? Join in? Buy the crap she steals?

I really hope she gets found out.
The amount of people she's got into trouble.
I'd report her.
I understand you must feel stuck op but this person would not be my friend and i would tell other friends why.

Op my son used to work in a shop that buys second goods and re-sells them (think high end electrical, computers, 'phones etc) he took in some items from a woman who had "receipts" long story sort he was arrested for receiving stolen goods!!!!!!!!

We had to get him legal representation and I cannot describe the trauma he suffered.

Your "friend" is an absolute selfish horror of the worst sort. those purchasers on E Bay automatically become criminals!
The poor shop assistants who get pilloried for their rudeness/bad behavour it
does go on their record make no mistake.

She is not lovely she is poison!

Your friend is not a lovely person. You should tell her to her face that her behaviour is disgusting, selfish and impacting on other people and then have nothing more to do with her.