Would I be unreasonable to steer clear of my friend?

[TudorTrace]

An old school friend of mine (who is absolutely lovely as a person, to me anyway), has got herself into a bit of a pickle with steeling and fraud.

For example, she goes into Debenhams and searches for things (small) without security tags, picks up one of their catalogues, and walks around the store looking deeply interested in things on show before leaving. She also has a 'can't not have something if I bought something' attitude, meaning she'll pick pocket anything, I mean anything, as a little token of thanks (to herself, from the store), for actually buying something.

I was with her last Saturday and I went for lunch together (A13 so no shops around there to take anything).. I asked where she managed to buy all of these genuine goods and sell them on EBay/Facebook selling pages, and this is when she admitted what she does (quite detailed too), in a very proud manner. I was shocked, and somewhat disappointed too because I never saw that one coming, she's a very innocent/bubbly type. She'd do anything for anyone in need, IME.

Furthermore, she says she complains to multiple companies around Christmas time, claiming she was spoken badly of by members of staff in that store and when they conclude that there's no evidence but her word etc, they send her vouchers as a 'good will gesture' of which she then has a 'spend up, as she put it, in the January sales!

AIBU to be deeply concerned and distance myself from her? She claims she does it as a release from the pressures surrounding her divorce, but to me it's much more than that and that doesn't excuse her actions.

I just don't know what to do, Mumsnet. She's a lovely woman to people but appears very (successfully) deceptive. And claims she's never been caught which I think isn't teaching her a lesson.

AIBU to distance myself? Or, should I leave the situation well alone and keep my nose out. I really don't know.

I'd have to anonymously report her, she'll be caught eventually anyway.

Thing is, nicking small things is one thing, but stealing to sell on is something else and a more serious criminal offence. It starts to looks professional, which is what shops and police really worry about. How much money is she making? Any idea - that would help.

I work in a charity shop as a volunteer - people do nick stuff now and then, if you're nicking a secondhand jumper you're probably desperate (they are) but our big losses come from people who've planned the liberation of something usually expensive they want to sell on. Yes, we do catch them.

Like your friend - it's professional thieving. She's a bloody idiot for advertising it, as well - and on FB to boot.

Cory she advertises it through an anonymous FB page and I'm apparently the only friend aware of this. She doesn't disclose too much info, in general. I only know it was her because I bought something off her EBay page and wondered why my friends address was the 'pick up address'

I don't think I could report her, even though I know she's in the wrong. Perhaps I'm a bad person for that, I'll accept that.

Oh I'm glad it's not just me who knows an otherwise normal person who does this! A former friend of mine used to do something similar. He would always justify it somehow. For example he stole something and then said it was so overpriced he refused to pay for it so obviously he had to steal it . Once we were in Sainsburys and he opened a packet of chicken, ate a chicken drumstick and then put the pack back as he said it didn't taste nice and that he would have bought the pack if it had. I was obviously . Bonkers. He was not at all in need of money either. So weird.

ofall like your friend, she too is not in need of the cash!

Funny you should mention the supermarket thing. In school, she'd walk around the shop with an opened can of something and then not proceed to pay for it at the end. Maybe I should've seen this all coming.. It starts off small sometimes.

I'm sorry but I hate this. People working in those shops will have all sorts of problems because of the accusations. Stealing is horrible. If I were you I'd steer clear. What happened to Mermaid is a good lesson. Guilt by association.

Anyway, who says that when you have a bit of extra cash that she feels for some reason that you don't deserve she won't take it. Or if you were to leave your bag at the table and pop to the loo what would stop her having a quick look "just to see". You cannot trust that sort of person.

She claims she does it as a release from the pressures surrounding her divorce...

If she sells it on EBay, she does it to make a profit.

I wouldn't go shopping with her, to be honest, ever. She'll get caught one of these days and it won't be pretty if the police make the link between her and her phone/laptop. Well, when they make the link.

And yes it's bad, but plenty of people do worse every day, just not in such clearly illegal ways.

I'd be too worried about her getting caught whilst we were together

I wouldn't have her as a friend and I'd tell her why. I wouldn't be rude or confrontational but I'd let her know. I don't expect people to be perfect but stealing to sell things on is awful.

I don't see the point of 'distancing' yourself 'a little'. That makes it sound like you are not that bothered. Either distance yourself or don't.

Good advice, Clancy.

She's like bridgets friend in bridget diaries 2. Where she ends up in prison for drug smuggling!
Never go on holiday with her!

I'd dump her and i'd tell your friends why!
I hate people like her.
I've worked in retail. It's horrible having people complain about you especially when you know you haven't done anything wrong.
It Annoys me when retailers send people goodwill gestures for no reason.
These people complaining do affect staffs jobs

I met a group of girls who 'dined and dashed'. Never wanted to go out for a meal with them that's for sure!

I'd tell the others if they ask. She's far too professional for it being just a 'stress release' device. The FB page shows premeditatation.

Totally agree that you should stop regarding her as a friend, and tell her why.

When I was at school, aged about 16, a group of the "popular" girls for some reason started a trend of stealing small items (make up etc) from Boots or other stores, just for the challenge. These were private school kids so definitely could afford to buy the items they were stealing.

Two of the girls were eventually caught, spent a night in prison, and ended up with a criminal record. Just because they wanted to follow the trend...

She is a heartless bitch.

Aside from the stealing, she thinks it is ok to complain about people who have done nothing wrong just for her own gain.

Appalling.

She makes false allegations about people? This is vile behaviour.
Stealing - just horrible. Has she ever nicked from you?

If it was my friend she would get an earful from me and she'd have a choice about whether to stop it or hang out with me. Mutually exclusive. I wouldn't care what other people thought. Continuing to associate with her would make me guilty by association. I have dumped friends for doing illegal drugs on this basis.

I work in retail. I'd send her photo to debenhams security with a description of what she does and let justice be done. Despicable woman. The store I work in takes all complaints seriously regardless of what the member of staff says. She is a terrible person.

I must say, having read the thread, I do think that faking complaints against named members of staff at work is awful - i might be lacking in morality, but it's a hell of a lot worse to me than pinching a lip gloss. Malicious lies are way nastier & can damage someone's life, not to mention a permanent stain on their HR file.

Incidentally, I think the stealing is worse than you think. She sounds semi-professional to me. Did she tell you how much she's making financially?

She is not a nice person. Sorry but she's not. She is a thief. At the end of the day it is entirely your choice, but this is not someone with whom it is healthy to have a friendship. Best case scenario, you continue silently feeling unhappy at the way she behaves. Worst case scenario you could potentially end up being seen as guilty by association of it all booted up in her face
Take care, keep your distance, tell her why.

blew up not booted!

Thank you for the lovely advice, it's much appreciated.

No, she's never stolen from me.

In all honesty, I think I'll explain clear and simple to her why I just can't find myself to be best buds, and move myself to a more mutual sort of person that would say hello if I saw her but nothing else.

Her wrongingky accusing poor people or even a young person really grates me.

No, she's never stolen from me.

Are you sure?

She has no morals.

People are probably getting disciplined and/or losing jobs because of her. She is awful.

Absolutely awful.

I worked in customer service. Over the years people tried this with me. However, we were in the phones. So when a customer wanted to speak to my manager and told her I said that the company 'doesn't give a shit about customers' he had the call listened to and could prove i hadn't.

He was sat right next to me so knew I hadn't anyway.

I remember thinking that if I worked in a shop I would have been sacked. In 10 years it happened a lot.

Customers not getting their own way and being spiteful or trying to get something etc out of the company didn't give a shit about putting jobs at risk.

If the calls hadn't been recorded I would have had a disciplinary record as long as my leg or more likely sacked.

I couldn't be friends with her. She is disgusting.

buying stolen goods from her on eBay is her taking your money for nothing.