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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I've ever really fancied a man?!

49 replies

MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 19:33

I am just starting to realise that I don't think I have ever actually fancied a man. Infact, I am. It sure I have ever been a exhalation attracted to a man. Ever. I have always played along 'oh yes isn't eh hot' etc but never felt anything. I can't understand what people at work mean when they appreciate the male form...it just does nothing for me Blush even though I pretend it does.

If you fancy men, can you please describe to me how you know? What do you actually feel?

I am not sure if I am bisexual or just not met the right man. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 19:34

Sexually* sorry about autocorrect!!

OP posts:
Snowglobe18 · 03/12/2015 19:45

Have you fancied anyone? X

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 19:50

Women (although I didn't realise they were sexual feelings at the time). Only had relationships with men although I think it's always been just because that was the norm and not because that's what I actually wanted deep down.

OP posts:
TartanHussy · 03/12/2015 19:50

Thought I knew what it felt like. Was proven quite wrong recently (late 30s) when I started to get feelings for another woman someone else. While it's hard to explain, you would definitely know if you felt something, it's a great feeling. Confusing but great and exciting.

NE14T · 03/12/2015 19:51

I don't fancy men to look at either really. I can appreciate they're goid looking in the same way I can appreciate good looking women but never really feel anything iyswim. I'd never fantasise about someone famous/ a randomer.

But, I'm extremely attracted to people I date and have no problems getting turned on when thinking about them/ being with them. Do you?

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 19:51

I do feel it. For women Blush but I think I was kidding myself that they weren't sexual feelings and I just admired them but it's more than that.

OP posts:
TartanHussy · 03/12/2015 19:53

Have you ever kissed a woman?

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 19:55

I don't get turned on by men. Even with my OH I am not turned on by him or sex with him. I am able to orgasm because I can think my own private thoughts in my head and he doesn't need to know its not him turning me on. Blush

OP posts:
Baconyum · 03/12/2015 19:59

I'm bi but only came out a few years ago. In addition I've never gone purely for looks. It has to be a connection.

To answer your question if I'm attracted to someone I feel awkward, giggly (not a good thing over age of 35 I think Grin), tummy flips, warm glow, tingly in certain ahem areas!

But being with a man is different to being with a woman ime. The dynamic is different.

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 20:02

Yes that 'fluttery' tingly feeling in a certain place... I get that but only about women.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2015 20:06

So what are you going to do about it? Seems very sad never to shag someone you really fancy.

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 20:08

I don't think I can do anything right now. It wouldn't be accepted by my religion or my friends or work (all linked to religion).

OP posts:
beardsrock · 03/12/2015 20:11

Oh my god I'm the total opposite!

I fancy loads of blokes. In fact 50% of men I see I wouldn't mind kissing just to see what it's like. Love their height, skin, beard, big hands, etc etc.

The thought of snogging a woman or being close to one makes me feel physically sick.

beardsrock · 03/12/2015 20:11

Oh, yes, sorry I'll get to the point.

You need to figure out who you actually fancy.

YohY · 03/12/2015 20:12

I have it now for someone
It's a fluttery feeling when you think of them and see them, daydreaming about them at work, analysing their every move, every word, rereading messages from them, feeling jealous when you see them with other women, this may be TMI but getting that ahem "wet" feeling when you lie in bed at night thinking about them

Whooh that's enough! Sound like a lovesick teenager!... Never felt this way about a woman

beardsrock · 03/12/2015 20:12

Ah, religion. Here we go.

I'm out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2015 20:12

And what about your OH? I think I'd want to know if my OH wasn't attracted to me physically. Sad

beardsrock · 03/12/2015 20:13

Seriously YohY just invite him round for the damn dinner and FUCK HIM.

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 20:14

beardarock I have no intention of discussing religion any further it was merely in answer to a question!

OP posts:
TartanHussy · 03/12/2015 20:14

You say you're out because of religion yet you're quite happy to say that the thought of being close to a woman makes you feel physically sick. Double standards much.

Original poster
MaybeAnOverthinker · 03/12/2015 20:16

I find him attractive and appreciate his looks and body. I am just not attracted to him if that makes sense!

OP posts:
YohY · 03/12/2015 20:17

Beardsrock that's this weekend will keep you informed!

beardsrock · 03/12/2015 20:20

That's my girl! Grin

Karoleann · 03/12/2015 20:21

I can see where you're coming from, I don't think the male form is particularly aesthetic, just a bit jutty out and hair, muscly men are really no me either! Women are much softer and pleasant to look at with no clothes on.
I didn't have posters of boys on the wall when I was a teen either and thought of going to a male stripper thing just turns my stomach.

But, I wouldn't say that I'm bi at all. I've been happily married for 10 years and had a 10 year relationship before that and I find/found them sexually attractive, but I think its a personality thing for me. I like strong, big masculine men, who, even though I don't need looking after, I feel that they would look after me.

Maybe you're just more attracted to personality?

expatinscotland · 03/12/2015 20:22

I feel it. I love the differences in their bodies, especially their torsos and arms. Yum! I like their deep voices.