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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to be fat shamed?

26 replies

CheekyMaleekey · 03/12/2015 11:50

I'm gross. None of my clothes fits me.

I'm 5ft 5", weigh 12st 1lb and have a 42" waist! 42"!

I'm disgusted at myself.

Please fat shame me into doing something about this. I comfort eat and it's horrendous.

Thanks.

OP posts:

VicWillia · 03/12/2015 11:52

tbh that doesn't sound that bad, I've seen a lot worse.

I am the same as you, I'm 11st and 5'4 and tbh if someone gave me one of those fat shaming cards, yes I would be really upset but it would make me do something.

lalalonglegs · 03/12/2015 11:54

Oh dear, I think you've come to the wrong place for fat shaming. Why do you want to be shamed into losing weight? If you are unhappy with your size, then there are loads of threads that will offer you diet and exercise support. Good luck.

DonkeyOaty · 03/12/2015 11:56

We're not going to fat shame you

Comfort eating, emotional issues around food - can be unpicked. Remember you can't cry if you're eating, yes?

So. Fancy group weightloss support like SW/WW? If not then how about low carbing?

Can you build exercise into your day?

Snozberry · 03/12/2015 11:58

Making you feel horrible isn't going to help, especially as your problem is comfort eating. You would be better to try and see yourself as a valuable person who deserves to be treated with respect and care which includes what you eat. No fat shaming from me sorry.

There are threads on here for various diets and weight loss support which might be more useful.

Fourormore · 03/12/2015 11:58

Shaming doesn't work. Try reading Geneen Roth.

Pyjamaface · 03/12/2015 12:00

No.

Because fat shaming you is more likely to make you feel worse and make you want to comfort eat more.

So instead, I can give you encouragement to make a change. Today. Make a decision that you want to lose weight and think about how. Not a complete overhaul of everything immediately, just a couple of small things that you will stick to.

E.g go for a brisk 20 minute walk everyday, could be school run or at lunchtime, whenever you can fit it in.
Pick 1 thing to cut back on to start with. Mine was Irn Bru so I limited myself to 1 500ml bottle a day ( instead of 2 litres!!)

When those things are habit add more exercise and look at cutting back something else.

I have lost 2 stone so far like that, it's slow but not such a major change I'll fall off the wagon and give up in swim.

Good luck

TPel · 03/12/2015 12:02

Fat shaming is horrific.

You don't like how you feel, so in sure with support you will address your diet and life style in a positive way. Nothing good ever came out of abuse.

Best of luck.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/12/2015 12:05

Well if you're comfort eating. There is clearly an underlaying issue here, so me coming on or any for that matter insulting you is not going to be of any help. Besides what you describe to me is far from fat. People seem to think that if they're not a size freeeekin zero they're fat. !

catfordbetty · 03/12/2015 12:06

It sounds as if you are perfectly able to feel self-loathing without anyone else's help. However, feeling ashamed isn't a good starting place if you want to lose weight.

MuttonWasAGoose · 03/12/2015 12:08

Shaming won't help. I mean, feeling ashamed won't help. It's normal to feel a sort of dismay that includes something like shame when we know we're very out of shape, but to focus on that or expect it to motivate isn't helpful.

One of the things I like about the Nerd Fitness site is that it's more about enjoying good health, being happy with the ways your body can be strong and growing as a person through challenges. That is, there are a lot of people who join after spending their lives sat on the sofa playing WoW or something, who have never thought of themselves as "sporty" or "good looking." They've discovered that they enjoy lifting weights or trail running or something else that they didn't think was possible. They've learned to love their bodies by acting lovingly towards themselves - enjoying health and strength - and the BONUS of all of this, the SIDE EFFECT, has been to lose weight and look good naked.

Numbers (weight, measurements, etc) can be useful waymarkers on the journey. But the best motivation is when you think in terms of "I want to be able to chase my toddler granddaughter when she dashes off" or "I want to be able to drag that heavy suitcase across London and then put it on the luggage rack by myself." If you focus on strength and health for their own sakes, the numbers will take care of themselves.

thedevilinmyshoes · 03/12/2015 12:09

you're about 19lbs above a healthy bmi

it's not even very much weight to lose if you wanted to?

MuttonWasAGoose · 03/12/2015 12:11

For my personal experience: I am a "skinny fat" person. I'm very tall with long, thin limbs. But I can get a lot of belly fat. Even when my BMI was totally normal, I was "abdominally obese" - that is, my waist as more than half of my height. Yes, this motivated me. (As did finding it harder and harder to disguise my gut with clothes.)

I cut out eating sugar, drank far less alcohol, and started exercising with weights. My belly shrank and I am no longer "obese." But I'm most excited about being able to climb 7 flights of stairs, lifting everyday objects with ease, and feeling great in the morning.

User543212345 · 03/12/2015 12:19

It sounds as though you're fat-shaming yourself so you really don't need strangers piling in too.

Whilst I've taken it too far now, I was 12 stone 4lbs at my heaviest and I'm 5'5" and it took some very unflattering photos of me on Facebook to go from the year of talking about losing weight to actually starting to do something about it. DH was also big at the time and we lost weight together - it really helped supporting each other. We calorie counted and I cooked from scratch using recipes from BBC Good Food (their healthy pages are a godsend) and really dialled in what a portion was by weighing everything. We also didn't cut out treats - we could have a glass of wine with dinner, but just one and it would be better to be a spritzer; we ate all the Christmas chocolate when we were dieting but were allowed 20g or so (17 smarties) as a portion. We both got down to healthy weights - I went to 9 1/2 stone - and stayed there a good few years (I'm now underweight and ill, which isn't relevant but I didn't pile it back on, it was sustained).

I think a real problem for dieters can be that they make things "bad" and not allowed and therefore when they eat some they think fuck it and binge. By allowing everything we managed to lose weight slowly and in a manageable way. And ate comforting foods along the way.

Good luck and please be kind to yourself.

VestalVirgin · 03/12/2015 13:05

Please fat shame me into doing something about this. I comfort eat and it's horrendous.

Wouldn't shaming you cause you to comfort eat even more?

Try a low carb diet. Worked for people I know and without going hungry. Avoid high fructose corn syrup at all costs. Actually, avoid processed foods, you never know what hides in there.

Also, try to switch to comfort tea-drinking. Hot beverages are very comforting and can taste great.

Gottagetmoving · 03/12/2015 13:14

Don't think about losing weight quickly and don't expect dramatic results. It has to be a long term thing.Be prepared to make a permanent change and don't go on a 'diet'
Make a decision to change gradually by changing one thing every day - or every week.
As someone else said - go for a walk when you would not normally,..do it daily, then add to that, cutting out something you know is bad for you. Change one meal to a healthy option and then when you are used to that - change another daily meal into a healthy option etc. Every week add a little more activity/exercise.
I was overweight for a long time and lost weight easily on 'diets' but it always came back. I have stayed slim now for years because I changed my habits for life and not for a few weeks.

AnUtterIdiot · 03/12/2015 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jw35 · 03/12/2015 13:25

Oh wow I'm 5 foot 6 and weigh 12 stone 4! I'm not that fat! I'm a size 12-14 but I had a baby last year and I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I don't feel gross, why do you? I don't think it's fat just overweight. You could lose a stone easy and look really slim!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/12/2015 13:33

You sound like you hate yourself. Why would having a group of strangers put the boot in help with that? Your eating is clearly linked to your feelings so why do you want to make yourself feel worse?

Fatherwishmas · 03/12/2015 13:33

Go to Sliming World? I wish that I done it a year earlier than I did. Lost 25.5 pounds in 9 months. A nice steady loss, not hungry.

carabos · 03/12/2015 13:43

I won't shame you but I know someone who will. The Muscular - Skeletal specialist I was referred to with my sore knee told me to go away, lose weight and get more exercise. I'm 5'4 and weigh less than 8.5 stone, I go to the gym everyday and have a 10k time in the top 20 for my age group.

Shaming doesn't work. If you hate the way you look, find proper help.

InThisTogether · 03/12/2015 13:55

fat shame yourself - sounds like you already are.
I was 5'3" and 19st8lbs, got down to 11st8lbs. I'm now 5'3" and 13st10lbs, and i feel lovely. If you're uncomfortable then do something about it - think about others who might share your measurements - should they be fat shamed?
Angry

noeffingidea · 03/12/2015 13:55

I'm not going to fat shame you .
I am going to tell you straight up though. Your waist is 42''. You are risking your long term health, right now. Your waist should measure half of your height, or less. As it is, you probably have a considerable amount of visceral fat, the dangerous kind of fat. Visceral fat is implicated in metabolic syndrome, most notably diabetes type 2.
I would suggest you don't think of dress sizes or BMI measurements, but start thinking of your health. Your body needs nourishing food, in the right amounts, and exercise. Have a look at this www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Pages/Livewellhub.aspxttp:www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Pages/Livewellhub.aspx for a general guide before you decide on following any specific diet or exercise plan.

IwishIwasinNewYork · 03/12/2015 13:56

Mumsnetters aren't the fat shaming types [winks]

Agree with everyone else, please don't feel disgusted or ashamed.

You are so much more than a slightly overweight body!

And the irony is if you remind yourself of your value as a whole person, and list all the positive things you can say about yourself, then you will feel you are worthy of being fit and healthy.

Saying all of that, many many women, myself included, connect self worth to weight. And I do feel better mentally and physically when I am slim. WW works for me - it's entirely sensible and doesn't include cutting out food groups or fasting or crash dieting.

TheOnlyColditz · 03/12/2015 13:58

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/weight-loss-guide/Pages/calorie-counting.aspx

Stick to 1400 calories a day. You will lose weight.

TheOnlyColditz · 03/12/2015 14:00

In fact, do it with me. I'm quite a bit fatter than you and got told off by my pharmacist this morning. I need to drop a few stone and stop the pain au chocolat

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