How to de-rail someone's monologue with out causing a row - any ideas?

[UsedtobeFeckless]

For a whole raft of un-get-out-of-able reasons to do with ancient parents and family expectations and us having a tiny house and the wrong sort of stairs and what not I'm having Christmas lunch with a close relative who, while basically lovely, is horribly intelligent and has a tendency to hold forth remorselessly after a few drinks ... He's quite loud and talks over everyone else until we're all sitting looking glazed and quietly wishing we'd faked noro virus and stayed at home on the sofa eating biscuits in front of a Spooks box set ( Which was my first impulse on hearing of the guest list. )

I'm used to him but DP has a real sore spot about having his gems of wisdom disregarded and will sulk well into the New Year so I'm dreading the whole thing ... Any ideas how to pour oil on troubled waters? ( Or failing that horror stories about similar pests so I don't feel so alone ... )

Usedtobe You can't have him! He's mine!! Considered hiring him out for a big fee.

senpai - I don't think it has to be any particular person that does it - it's just that a derailment of the monologue train has to happen from some direction. It could be the OP. Or a specially trained pet. Or a roomba set to attack mode and aimed at the Christmas tree.

Clearly, the DP also has some issues that need to be gotten over. I think my preferred line of attack would be to detail the many, many instances of mansplaining I have experienced in my life until he stopped sulking and begged for mercy.

My FIL used to do this a lot

As soon as he drew breath, DH and his brother would immediately jump in with an "well, enough about me what's going on with you Dad?". He always had the good grace to laugh.

My middle brother does this. We (other siblings and I) now shut him up after a few minutes by chanting "this one time...at band camp..."

He gets sniffy and then moves on. We have to, otherwise we'd get 9 million interesting facts about manga followed by a treatise on 'Glasto' 1986 v last year.

"Lock them in a room together and let them measure cocks to their hearts' content."

Is this what a willy-off is?

It's your brother?! I thought it was going to be some elderly relative you had to be polite to. Just tell him to shut up, surely?

"Db you are lecturing again, stop it."

"Dh stop the ridiculous sulk. Either ask him to stop the monologue or ignore."

A small child with a noisy toy- a zylophone or train whistle should do it.
A fiendishly tricky jigsaw
A construction project that will enable them to bond being all technical and manly.
Every time db starts being boring interupt him to ask him to wash up/ open more wine/ walk the dog
Announce that you are full of pudding and going for a walk.

We have a family member who has a chronic case of the Look-How-Much-I-Know virus. Architecture/local government/recycling/fine art - you name it, he can steer a conversation round to it and give a lecture on it. It occurred to me a while ago that there were a couple of subjects he knows nothing about (driving - he never learnt to drive, and foreign travel - he hasn't travelled very much outside the UK). I find the challenge of steering his one-sided conversation round to one or other of these is an amusing way to pass the time. Perhaps you and your DH could plan such a wheeze?

Mermaid at Auntie Benny and the leg of lamb - 45 minutes on that is very impressive! quite curious about the details now too

Humm.. I have given some consideration to a fortnight away, that place in the Caribbean, what's it called "Singles" or similar?, seems you do what you like there and have no relatives to bother U;-)

Optimist1 I've got one like that as a neighbour he knows everything about anything except when to STFU when he's boring the pants of everyone!

Ha love the bandcamp chant.