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Original poster

How to de-rail someone's monologue with out causing a row - any ideas?

61 replies

UsedtobeFeckless · 03/12/2015 11:24

For a whole raft of un-get-out-of-able reasons to do with ancient parents and family expectations and us having a tiny house and the wrong sort of stairs and what not I'm having Christmas lunch with a close relative who, while basically lovely, is horribly intelligent and has a tendency to hold forth remorselessly after a few drinks ... He's quite loud and talks over everyone else until we're all sitting looking glazed and quietly wishing we'd faked noro virus and stayed at home on the sofa eating biscuits in front of a Spooks box set ( Which was my first impulse on hearing of the guest list. )

I'm used to him but DP has a real sore spot about having his gems of wisdom disregarded and will sulk well into the New Year so I'm dreading the whole thing ... Any ideas how to pour oil on troubled waters? ( Or failing that horror stories about similar pests so I don't feel so alone ... )

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 03/12/2015 12:24

Are your children at an age to play word games over the dinner table?
We have a few standby ones:
-Fortunately/Unfortunately
-That one from Sorry I haven't a Clue where you just say one word each
-and one my kids possibly invented, where every phrase has to be just two words (Hey Dad? Yes dear. Sprouts please. You hungry? I'll say. Quantum electrodynamics? Bit complicated. You tosser bet...)

diddl · 03/12/2015 12:29

Duct tape?

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 03/12/2015 12:30

Mine DSs and the DNs are all teens so two words are all you get any way! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 03/12/2015 12:31

Xmas Grin @diddl

OP posts:
TheClacksAreDown · 03/12/2015 12:44

Can you speak to your brother in advance and say that others find him holding court rather overwhelming and so could he reign it in a bit? Alternatively limit his access to drink?

Dipankrispaneven · 03/12/2015 12:46

Doesn't the fact that you grew up with your brother give you a reasonable degree of latitude in saying "Yes dear, Christmas lunch really is not the time for your lecture on quantum physics?" And presumably your DP will support you in that? Can you gang up with the other sufferers to agree simply to launch into your own conversations when a monologue lasts more than two minutes?

My FiL used to be similar in terms of holding forth for ages on how we'd have won WW2 at least two years earlier if only the generals had listened to him. I wouldn't mind, but he was a spotty youth in the Home Guard in the North and never saw a shot fired in anger. It was always the same monologue, repeated endlessly, with great long painful pauses before what he regarded as significant phrases. You couldn't escape at mealtimes, but at other times I would just make sure I had a book ready and read it surreptitiously whilst muttering "mmmm" at intervals.

oldestmumaintheworld · 03/12/2015 12:47

Hang on Used to be, this is your brother who is being the loud, know it all, PITA? If so, then you need to tell him to put a sock in it. I understand that your DP is being a bit precious, but it's his Christmas Day too and he'll want to enjoy it. As, I'm sure, do you and the rest of the family. So if I've read this thread right then you all (members of immediate family) need to tell brother dear to shut up and stop being a bore. It sounds like you'll be doing the world a favour

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 03/12/2015 12:48

Ask him how much he gets paid on the lecture circuit, and when he gets puzzled say "well I assumed you were practising on us seeing as how no-one else how been allowed to speak for the last 10 minutes"

Waltermittythesequel · 03/12/2015 12:50

I'm used to him but DP has a real sore spot about having his gems of wisdom disregarded and will sulk well into the New Year

Will he really?

Lock them in a room together and let them measure cocks to their hearts' content.

Failing that; one will bore the other into a coma!

Cleansheetsandbedding · 03/12/2015 12:51

Well I'm going abroad to escape Wink

I have this every year with my nan though, she could talk a glass eye to sleep! Every story swiftly gets turned around to her experience, she talks over people and she has this terrible habit if some one is talking to me she will start up a totally unrelated conversation and just talk at me Confused

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/12/2015 12:51

In an ideal world, I'd say yes, tell your brother to can the lectures because he is being a total bore and PITA - but in real life that may not be possible.

I think we need a MN Posse for occasions like this. I will happily turn up at the OP's house, and tell her brother what a colossal bore he is being. We could go round the countryside telling MNers nearest and dearest/neighbours/bosses the blunt truth about their attitudes and behaviour.

LemonBreeland · 03/12/2015 12:54

I assumed this was someone of an older generation than yourself, so not someone that you could tell to shut up. But it is your brother, you should be able to tell him when he is talking to much, either in a forthright way or in a taking the piss way.

poocatcherchampion · 03/12/2015 12:55

Given that it is your relative who is the bore can't you just make a joke of it beforehand with dh - like the bingo suggestion up thread?

Although given the way further posts read is it not so much that your bro is a bore but more like they both are and you feel stuck in the middle?

ivykaty44 · 03/12/2015 12:58

Have a family sweep stake on the three first boring subjects that will come up first.

Place several pieces of paper in hat with their normal conversations subjects, then add the odds of each one winning or not.

Everyone gets to have a go for a chocolate

Apart from the two offending alpha males

Then sit back with clip board and see which relation wins first, second and third place...

josephwrightofderby · 03/12/2015 13:01

My BIL's partner is a past master at derailing a situation that's getting tense or boring.

He basically does something sudden, attention grabbing and FUNNY. So once, when an argument about the monarchy was threatening to turn nasty, he suddenly grabbed a tea towel and pretended to be a hula girl.

Another time, when I was talking about teaching literacy classes and the struggles that people who couldn't read as adults faced in rather too earnest a way, he leant over and said 'And you're doing SO WELL NOW dear'. It was hysterical.

He's absolutely adorable and everyone loves him. It never comes over as an intrusion, and it does sort of remind everyone what they are there, and what is really important.

It works way better than making passive-aggressive or aggressive comments.

lorelei9 · 03/12/2015 13:06

joseph "So once, when an argument about the monarchy was threatening to turn nasty, he suddenly grabbed a tea towel and pretended to be a hula girl."

brilliant! have some music ready OP, I think your DP should do that!

MrRobot · 03/12/2015 13:17

As it's your brother I'd tell him straight.

zeetea · 03/12/2015 13:20

tread HAHA Xmas Grin

That would most certainly improve my visits to the in-laws, I might suggest it for boxing day!

diddl · 03/12/2015 13:21

It does sound as if you should be able to tell your brother to put a sock in it.

Maybe someone could fetch one & try?

If someone does manage to shut him up, make sure that your husband doesn't take the chance to hold court!

EponasWildDaughter · 03/12/2015 13:31

humph.

Surely if he's your brother you can just tell him to shut up? All the siblings i've ever known would be happy to do so Grin

R0nJ0n · 03/12/2015 13:37

Buy a set of Cards Against Humanity to play after lunch. He will either have fun or be massively offended by the game, either way you win.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 03/12/2015 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 03/12/2015 14:33

josephwrightofderby He sounds just the ticket! Does he do guest appearances? Grin

My Dad used to go on and on while everyone glazed over or waited for their chance to dive in and hold forth so DBro is just repeating the pattern ... DP isn't too bad usually but he seems to get infected with the Look-How-Much-I-Know virus when he's with them.

I'm liking the alternative conversation/pissed jokes/look there's a squirrel! approach - or if that doesn't work a hail of sprouts and a swift sisterly right hook - followed by the nuclear option of the MN Bore Removal Posse and Joseph's DBIL's Main Man ... Grin Sorted!

OP posts:
dodobookends · 03/12/2015 14:42

Teach your DH this phrase:

"Yes... I'm sure you're right...yes, yes, I agree"

There's nothing quite like total agreement for taking the wind out of a windbag's sails. They can't go on and on and on trying to persuade you that they know it all when you've already told them that they do!

Senpai · 03/12/2015 15:59

josephwrightofderby Yes, but that's part of his personality. No one takes it personally when I interrupt, derail the subect to something more interesting else, or wander off because I do it to everyone indiscriminately. There's nothing personal in it. If DB did something like that to DM she'd get frustrated with him, because it's clear it's something she did.

If DP starts acting out of character, it's going to be obvious the reason.

There is a way to just politely start up chitchat with the person sitting next to him. You don't all have to be quiet in such a large group. You could even ask you DP about inane things.