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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be fedup with the attitudes of my colleagues towards my pregnancy?

31 replies

badgerpillow · 02/12/2015 19:29

HR and my line manager have been really accommodating but my colleagues attitudes to my pregnancy have really started to p* me off.

I've deliberately saved my holidays so I could take the majority of them at the end of the year and I used two days holiday for my first scan and booking appointment. I normally wait till days off for dentist or doctor's appointments even though they seem to have appointments quite regularly and I've had one day off sick this year which is a lot less than they've had!

I had one colleague tell me that it's not fair that I get a year of maternity leave and another seems to be under the impression that the holidays that I've been taking are just time off for being pregnant!
These are just a couple of examples of the negative comments.

I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive but I'm fed up with having to justify everything just because they seem to think I'm taking advantage by having a baby!

OP posts:

RomComPhooey · 02/12/2015 19:31

Your colleagues are twats. Just ignore their stupid and ill-informed comments.

honeysucklejasmine · 02/12/2015 19:31

You shouldn't have to use holiday to attend antenatal appointments. Is either one of these people spouting nonsense HR? They really should know better and you need to complain if they are not treating you appropriately.

BeStrongAndCourageous · 02/12/2015 19:31

You could have time off "just for being pregnant", if you're in the UK - you're entitled to time off for antenatal appointments. I certainly wouldn't be using holiday for them.

honeysucklejasmine · 02/12/2015 19:32

Sorry, misread. You need to complain about colleagues comments to HR.

GoApeShit · 02/12/2015 19:32

Firstly, ignore them. They're clearly jealous and have fuck all better to snipe about.

Secondly, why did you use holiday for antenatal appointments? You're legally entitled to paid time off for them.

And you probably are being a little sensitive, which is why I highly recommend the 'ignore' option

tethersend · 02/12/2015 19:32

You don't have to use holiday for midwife appointments- you are entitled to take time off to attend them.

And colleagues are twats.

RubbleBubble00 · 02/12/2015 19:33

Get used to it. When someone goes on maternity leave in r place the rest of us have to cover with no additional help which makes some members of staff rather grumpy. Ignore, smile and carry on

DelphiniumBlue · 02/12/2015 19:39

Well I think your colleagues do sound unreasonable, but why are you taking medical appointments out of your annual leave? And what business of colleagues is it what you use your leave for? Sounds like they might be assuming you are taking extra leave because of your pregnancy. Remind anyone who asks that you are legally entitled to time off for ante natal care. And don't take it too personally, some people who haven't had a baby really do think that you will be putting your feet up for the duration of your maternity leave. It doesn't really matter what they think, but they shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable, it doesn't reflect well on them.

Believeitornot · 02/12/2015 19:42

I had a bit of this. I just smiled or ignored.

witsender · 02/12/2015 19:42

"Get used to it"? That's a shitty attitude to have. Be grumpy at the management who don't arrange cover, not the woman having the audacity to procreate.

Pepperpot123 · 02/12/2015 20:24

Have you been in the job long? So they maybe resent that you've just started and now are going? To clarify I don't think there is anything wrong with that but I know a few pregnant women in newish jobs that have been treated badly! It's crap though and your pregnancy/ mat leave/health has sod all to do them!

Original poster

badgerpillow · 02/12/2015 20:58

The couple of days that I took off as holiday were before I told work that I was pregnant, work have given me time off for midwife appointments that I have now, I just feel bad asking for extra time off for doctor appointments on top of that.

The people who have made comments don't have kids of their own so that might be part of the reason that have a strange attitude towards pregnancy. I think I'm going to have to learn to be a bit more thick skinned and ignore them like people have suggested!

Pepperpot - I've been in the job over two years so I'm not particularly new, although some people have been there over 10 years so I probably seem new to them!

OP posts:

redexpat · 02/12/2015 21:16

I would start keeping a diary of who says what, where, when and who else was there. Hopefully you won't need it, but you might. I might also mention it to your line manager, as it may be something they would want to know about.

trixymalixy · 02/12/2015 21:47

Have you pointed out that it's not ayear on full pay?I had a bit of this bullshit until I pointed out how crap stat mat pay is.

abbieanders · 03/12/2015 06:57

Go to HR. This is not acceptable and you don't need extra stress.

Merguez · 03/12/2015 07:41

Ignore them. They are probably not being malicious, just thoughtless. Some people are just stupid.

And maybe do what trixy suggests.

Taking it to HR is likely to escalate it, make your colleagues resentful, and add to your stress.

HackerFucker22 · 03/12/2015 07:58

I had the same. Although I've been at my place for 15 years!!! I also have 2 children (so 2 year long maternity leaves in 3 years!! But 12 years exemplary service before this)

I work in a very 'male' profession and the few women I do work with either have adult children or are childless by choice.

I was due to finish at 38w with DC2 but as I lived closest and 'was having a year off' my manager who to be fair has no tact at all asked me to work an extra week!! This was despite me having a toddler at home, covering all the Xmas period and being visually exhausted.

RubbleBubble00 · 03/12/2015 07:58

Witsender - it's not a shitty attitude it's the way it is. Yes we could be angry at management but as it's the nhs there's not much point - there's no money

angelos02 · 03/12/2015 07:59

Will their workload increase due to you not being there?

TooSassy · 03/12/2015 08:33

YANBU

But you do need to grow a thicker skin. I remember my doctor telling me that now I was pregnant, people suddenly would have a view on everything.

'You look tired'
'You're glowing, pregnancy suits you'
'Are you eating enough you are tiny'
'Your bump is huge'

He was so so right. And it hasn't stopped ever since. Bottle or breast? Co sleeping or not? Dummy or not? Shop bought purees vs organic home blended. SAHM vs. WOHM.
Just smile serenely, ignore and carry on regardless.

MrsDeVere · 03/12/2015 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowglobe18 · 03/12/2015 08:41

I had hyperemesis and was off a lot. One colleague said to me 'it's just a bit of morning sickness, we've all had to deal with it'. She shut up when I was sick right next to her car....

tuilamum · 03/12/2015 08:50

I got this kind of crap, from management too! My main manager said my bump was too small for me to be complaining (he was joking) and my deputy manager said his wife was working graveyard shifts till her waters broke so I was being a wuss (he was not joking) plus most of the people I worked with were guys and I worked a shitty minimum wage job so you can imagine the sympathy I got (not)
I just smiled sweetly and made passive aggressive comments to make them look like nitwits but that's just me.
Unfortunately some people are just knobs and you cant change that, so its your choice as to whether you make snarky comments back or hold your head high and ignore them. But if it's becoming a proper issue aka bullying etc then definitely report them.

Original poster

badgerpillow · 03/12/2015 08:57

That's a good idea trixy and merguez, they might not realise that it's not a year off 'relaxing' on full pay!

I think I'll come up with some good/equally responses for the next time they say something, it may reduce the number of comments.

Good point toosassy - It sounds like it's pretty common problem!

Hacker, that sounds like a horrible situation - especially at 38w!

Angelos - it won't increase their workload directly because our work is scheduled based on capacity, so in theory it won't make too much difference.

Abi and red - I don't think I really want to go down the HR route as it may not help and might make things worse especially as a couple of them are not afraid of speaking up about everything/anything that they don't like.

OP posts:

Hihohoho1 · 03/12/2015 08:57

Next time there's a snidy comment tell them head on what you put in your op. They are probably just daft and not meaning to upset you but tell them.

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