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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some people have no idea of how some people live?

126 replies

ihatevirginmobile · 01/12/2015 23:02

Being vague cos I like the person and I don't want to out myself or them but it did make me think they have no idea...
We were talking about paying for an activity for children - a charity run by volunteers and the 'fees' are deliberately kept as low as possible to be inclusive. Can be paid monthly (so small amounts) or four times a year - which works out at max £25 - but actual amounts vary for various reasons. Payment can be made by internet banking, cash or cheq.
Person I was talking to was complaining about having to make the payments (by bank transfer -takes a few minutes) - it would be better just to make it quarterly payments of the same amount so they could set up a standing order. And to make it more rather than less so the charity didn't miss out - they would happily pay £10-15 more a year for the convenience....their time was worth more than that...
They are employed in a public service role that is relatively well paid and we do live in a relatively affluent area - I would agree that most people would be fine with it - could easily afford it...(I could but have struggled in the past)
But I also know from something else that we do have the odd person who is less comfortable and struggling - and £10-15 a year for some people is a lot...it is a couple of hours work at NMW.
So AIBU to feel a bit cross ... and .. I don't know - sad? despairing? ... that people can exist in a bubble and have no idea how difficult things can be for some people...or maybe I'm wrong and isn't really a lot of money so maybe they have a point...

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 02/12/2015 00:02

Here's the thing "*back" when you're poor, you so want your DC to do some nice activities but most are too expensive. So you just try to be happy with Brownies etc....and that's great....but it's grinding to always have to worry and "have a discreet word" isn't something that you particularly WANT to do with a comparative stranger. "I'm poor, can we work out something else with payment"

It feels shitty and when you're poor you feel shitty a lot.

nancy75 · 02/12/2015 00:02

Paying monthly being more expensive is not a poor tax, you are charged more because it costs the company more in admin. For every person that pays monthly you have the risk that they might pay late or sometimes won't pay at all, chasing up payments costs time & money

NewLife4Me · 02/12/2015 00:07

I get a good pair from clarks in september usually full price and then a bigger pair in January for £15 in the sale. I know not everyone can afford full price though.

Primark school shoes are this price too. Wynsors have cheap school shoes too.

OddSocksHighHeels · 02/12/2015 00:07

There's a lot of people that have no idea what it means to be really poor. The "helpful" suggestions are often anything but.

FattyNinjaOwl · 02/12/2015 00:08

Nancy that may be so, but when you are skint every week it can feel that way.
I can't send my DS1 to clubs he wants to join as its too expensive, he has to make do with the free ones his school runs. I don't have a lot of money so when it costs me more to pay for something because I can't magic the money out of my arse there and then it really doesn't feel fair.

nancy75 · 02/12/2015 00:15

Fatty, I do understand what you are saying but I spend all day seeing it from the other side, I work for an after school sport club and today I have spent all day calling people asking them to pay their bill, they are 11 weeks late. Now if it was 1 person that would be ok but it's not 1 it's loads. After school clubs are almost always small businesses, my boss has to pay staff, he has to pay facility fees and at the moment he is totally skint ( not paid himself a wage this month skint) because people pay late or not at all.

Original poster
ihatevirginmobile · 02/12/2015 00:16

nancy I know that - but it does mean it costs more to be poor and not have the money upfront...
And my DC normally had Clarks shoes - but actually one ended up with a pair of tesco ones too (for a funeral). The £30-40 Clarks school shoes fell to pieces within 4 months - so they started wearing the £10 Tesco ones as a stop gap until we got round to getting back to Clarks - in fact they lasted 6 months - but I suspect that is more a reflection on the current quality of Clarks shoes than anything else...

OP posts:
Foslady · 02/12/2015 00:18

Yanbu. I started a new job 2 months ago, came down with a virus on Monday and left work early. I debated about going into work Tuesday but decided that not only could I infect others but mores the point felt too crappy to do my job so took the financial hit as no sick pay entitlement yet. Still feel rough but better than I did and trying to figure if I should go in tomorrow even though could do with another days rest.

47 and can't afford to be ill / never thought it would come to thisSad

tibbawyrots · 02/12/2015 00:22

I've been piss poor. When all your salary has gone for the bills and you have precisely £20 to spend for the month. Um, do I spend it on a bus pass or keep it in case of emergency? What if DD's school has an event where she has to pay? Social embarrassment I can deal with but at the age of 7 she can't.
I totally empathise with anyone struggling with money problems as I've been there and come through the other side. It's not pleas

tibbawyrots · 02/12/2015 00:23

Not pleasant.

FattyNinjaOwl · 02/12/2015 00:24

nancy I understand that and I agree people should pay, and i know it costs to have to chase it up etc, but it still doesn't feel fair, as there are people doing that but my DS still misses out because I refuse to be like that. I won't send him to a club I can't afford, and the reason I can't afford them is because I would have to pay in installments, and I cant do that as it costs more! It's frustrating.

Original poster
ihatevirginmobile · 02/12/2015 00:27

That was about the poor tax - not the chasing money.
I do that for something so I completely get it (and the reason why I know not everyone locally is wealthy - we have a hardship fund and it has been used Sad ) and I completely agree it is an absolute PIA and it is usually the same people (and not because they can't afford it more they just aren't organised/think it is important).
I deal with larger amounts though (bills of a couple of hundred) so I give people the option of paying it all at once (I cheer when they do) or in more manageable monthly amounts...which means I need to do more chasing... But we are also a charity and insisting on big sums upfront wouldn't be inclusive ...
(I do get paid but not a lot or for all the hours I work - a lot of which is spent chasing people for money )

OP posts:
TiredButFineODFOJ · 02/12/2015 00:38

I remember being invited to join a club when I was little, maybe 7 or 8, the letter was quite badly written and it seemed to say it ran for 6 weeks at £6 per week, making it £36 per half term. It was extra tuition club for so- called bright kids.
My mum promised I could join, and that she could afford it, but the relief when she called to ask about sending a cheque and it turned out to be £6 for each 6 weeks! we were literally giddy and shouting the place down. That was in the 80's.
We still laugh about people doing the "live on £5 for 5 days" challenge thing. That's just real life for a lot of people.

Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 00:40

I'm afraid my own DH was very like this when I met him as he had grown up in a wealthy family. We have had many discussions about poverty and his understanding and empathy is far better. But because he has never actually been poor he does not understand the fear.

I found Clarkes no better than cheap shoes if I'm honest.

IceBeing · 02/12/2015 01:16

I think I am one of these people though I am trying to learn. I genuinely couldn't work out why people would put 10 quids worth of petrol in a car rather than just fill it up Blush

I also failed to grasp the idea the people might not be able to stump up 15 quid for membership to a club all in one go. Blush

I do always remind myself to consider the finances of people when organising lunch out...or more likely tell everyone in advance Ill pay so I know they won't be worried.

God that makes me sound minted...I'm not, but I hang out with students a lot and they are sometimes planning how to get to the end of the month which hasn't happened to me yet.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 02/12/2015 01:47

Ice I fail to grasp how you couldn't make the leap from "only a tenner in the tank" to "Hasn't got any more money" frankly. A child could work that out.

barefootzenhippy · 02/12/2015 01:49

Yanbu at all, life is so much harder when you're poor and people who have never experienced it really have no idea. We were evicted from our private rented flat a few years ago because the ll wanted to sell it and I was talking to a friend about how stressful it was trying to find somewhere else and get the money together for a deposit and agency fees. She asked me if I had ever considered buying a house as it would be much cheaper long term! I was very sarcastic and pa in my response - along the lines of no shit sherlock - she had lived with her parents until her mid 20s and then they gave her ££££ to top up her already huge savings so she had a tiny mortgage and had never rented.

TheEmperorIsNaked · 02/12/2015 02:02

Oh God barefoot I have heard similar from a friend as well. Apparently when she told her DH how much rent we were paying he spat out the word pathetic and explained to her that their mortgage on their 3 bedroom house was less than the rent on our 1 bedroom flat. She patiently relayed all this to me like it was a mere oversight on my behalf.

I was livid.

TheExMotherInLaw · 02/12/2015 03:08

YANBU. I haven't been poor for over 40 years - but I do remember the feeling very clearly. I wonder if those more comfortably off might be willing to pay a slightly higher amount by standing order specifically to help the hardship fund, then everyone might be happy. Actually market the SO as a way to make an extra donation.

FixItUpChappie · 02/12/2015 03:36

I got the Spinyoos set on Amazon Smile

FixItUpChappie · 02/12/2015 03:36

Oh my I posted on the wrong thread, sorry Confused

Senpai · 02/12/2015 03:58

YANBU. It's why I put items on my Christmas wishlist that range from $5-100 so no one feels embarrassed or left out. Wishlists are fine here in the US.

Mistigri · 02/12/2015 05:25

If the OP's friend wants to pay by standing order she can, if she simply estimates the amount. She can even slightly overpay if necessary (to avoid any individual payment being short). It's a charity and they won't say no. There is nothing stopping her from paying an extra £10-15 a year to buy convenience, except her own lack of imagination and problem solving skills.

tobysmum77 · 02/12/2015 05:36

I think that yabu in so far as we all only have experience of our own lives. Different people's lives have their own challenges and problems. Bizarre that some don't understand that many people do live entirely hand to mouth but I think the poor can be naive in other ways.

Brioche201 · 02/12/2015 06:31

What do you men by "the poor can be naive?' What have poor people got in common apart from being poor?