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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Protesting with a toddler?!

73 replies

Decemberblue · 01/12/2015 19:15

My boyfriend has a 3 year old and has just informed me that if the government voted yes to bombing Syria he will be going to London on Saturday to join the protests and taking he 3 year old with him?!
I just think it's utterly irresponsible! You never know how these things will turn out, especially with everyone being on edge atm regarding Syria. It won't take much for a non violent protest to go the other way would it? He says I'm behind hysterical but I'm not sure?

AIBU?

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 02/12/2015 16:49

"There are children and babies dying in the Middle East and in drone attacks elsewhere. The reality of drones and bombing. Just because they aren't my child... they are someone's child."

What's that got to do with the OP? Nobody is disputing whether adults should be demonstrating or not.

VikingVolva · 02/12/2015 17:04

BTW, when I said leave before the toddler starts to whine, I meant that the duration of the day should be guided by the DC's stamina, not the adult's. So that might mean a shorter time on the march than he might want, or leaving just before a particular speaker (or whatever), no matter how much he may have wanted to catch that bit.

I think that it is very difficult to go with DC to big demos (unless you're very local and it's only a short trip) after they're beyond the likely-to-slumber babe-in-sling stage but before they're old enough to cope with a fullish day and it won't just be dull and mildly incomprehensible to them.

AbeSaidYes · 02/12/2015 17:09

As a parent I am sure your boyfriend will keep his child safe. Why don't you trust him to do this?
It's important for children to know about protesting and to be a part of changing the world.

Original poster

Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 17:11

One sorry abe but it's not at all important for a 3 year old to be stuck in a crowed of emotional people all day protesting against war.

OP posts:

SiegeofEnnis · 02/12/2015 17:12

My three year old has been on marches with me. If he's reasonably savvy about demos, and has thought about what he will need to do differently with a child there, I wouldn't have a probkem with it.

Original poster

Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 17:14

He hasn't thought about it at all. He's never been to one before so has no idea what to expect!

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 02/12/2015 17:15

I don't think a toddler is even remotely likely to understand the event, and if they have any memory of it at all it will be of being stuck with nothing to do other than staring at other people's knees for hours.

Older children might appreciate the importance of the right to demonstrate.

specialsubject · 02/12/2015 17:16

the child is 3 and not capable of understanding any of this, so it is not a matter of education. It won't be a fun day for it being stuck in a pushchair all day in a big crowd, even if kept away from the inevitable group who will be trying to make it kick off.

Original poster

Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 17:18

She doesn't even have a pushchair anymore. I'm so pissed off.

OP posts:

SiegeofEnnis · 02/12/2015 17:20

He is the child's parent, so surely he gets to make the call, regardless of whether you're prepared to babysit?

AbeSaidYes · 02/12/2015 17:21

He might not be in the crowd. Every child needs to learn somewhere and over time this will give them a good perspective on protest and causes.

Original poster

Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 17:22

Yes he is her father but I've also been her mother for longer than he biological mother ever has. I feel like I get some sort of say into how to parent her.

OP posts:

FrancesHaHa · 02/12/2015 17:27

I've been on a few protests with my DD aged 4, and went on lots in my own childhood. I also think its easy to pick a place in the march which looks safe (eg lots of space around, other kids). We often duck down a side street for a rest, trip to a shop for snacks etc, and I don't see why if it looks like things are going to get too much he couldn't just go down a side street and leave the march. On the last one we went to we were blocked off due to overcrowding, but told the stewards/ police we had a child, and they let us straight out.
DDs always has a great time, lots of singing, chanting, dancing etc, but once she looks like she's had enough we have a rest or go home. We not stay for the speeches if its a nice day and can have a picnic, or lots of music etc to make it fun.

Iggi999 · 02/12/2015 20:39

He's not much of a "hippie at heart" if this is his first protest! Let him find out what it's like without his toddler. (I have changed my mind!)

Witchend · 02/12/2015 20:51

But it's not just about the potential of her getting hurt if the protest turns violent.

Have you ever been with a toddler in a very crowded space? One moment they're there, and the next they're gone. Very hard to pick them out again in that sort of crowd, however nice people are. And when they're down at less than 3 foot high, compared with adults of 5 foot and above who are not expecting toddlers under feet, they can very easily be knocked over.
That I'd think was at least as likely a risk.

shivermytimbers · 02/12/2015 21:28

I took my kids on protests when they were small. It was fine and they had a great time! Lots of others kids. The media loves to highlight protests the end up in violence, but in my experience, protests, especially big occasions, are extremely well organised, marshalled and peaceful (unlike an air strike on Syria)

Original poster

Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 21:37

He's decided not to take her! So so so relieved.

OP posts:

Dipankrispaneven · 02/12/2015 22:47

It won't be a "very crowded space". When people line up they are usually pretty strung out so there's plenty of room between different groups, and obviously once they start marching it's even more so. We're not talking anything like, say, a first day of the sales scrum here. This child wouldn't be stuck in a pushchair, she'd probably spend a fair amount of time on her dad's shoulders or being taken into cafes, and will love having her father's attention all day.

Pipsqueak23 · 02/12/2015 22:54

YANBU. So glad he changed his mind. A protest is no place for a child that young

LaLyra · 02/12/2015 23:01

If he's never been to a protest then taking his child with him on the first one, over such a contentious issue, would have been daft (imo). Glad he's decided not to take her.

Experienced people taking their kids along is a whole different thing imo.

amarmai · 03/12/2015 00:18

if uk police use the 'kettling' tactic that canadian police use to keep protesters in an area or away from an area, then there cd be police instigated violence- as there has been here. I'm very wary and aware now when i go to protests- i watch what the police are doing and leave when i see them closing down side streets and lining up the hard guys. I wd not take a 3 yr old.

Atenco · 03/12/2015 04:49

I think you are right, OP. I took my dd to marches when she was small, but then there were never any problems at marches. Nowadays I am a bit shocked at people who bring their children to marches because there have been so many agents provocateurs and the police are so aggressiveThis is the same all over the world.

LauraMipsum · 03/12/2015 15:57

I'm taking 12mo DD. We will stay in the "buggy bloc" with other parents, keep an eye on social media for any sniff of trouble and be out of there like greased weasel poo if the hotheads start anything, although we're likely to be gone earlier than they are likely to start. Plenty of snacks, water, warm clothes, nappies etc, and baby ear defenders go without saying. She likes hers, she brings them over at home for me to put on her for fun!

My general experience has been that the media don't report the 4 hours of family-friendly activism, they report the 40 minutes of violence at the end.

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