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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Protesting with a toddler?!

73 replies

Decemberblue · 01/12/2015 19:15

My boyfriend has a 3 year old and has just informed me that if the government voted yes to bombing Syria he will be going to London on Saturday to join the protests and taking he 3 year old with him?!
I just think it's utterly irresponsible! You never know how these things will turn out, especially with everyone being on edge atm regarding Syria. It won't take much for a non violent protest to go the other way would it? He says I'm behind hysterical but I'm not sure?

AIBU?

OP posts:
MultishirkingAgain · 01/12/2015 20:23

YABU. Most protests against the bombing are peaceful, and children are welcomed. By definition a protest for peace will be full of people who want to protest peacefully. If in doubt, he should stick near some Quakers. And it's easy enough to steer clear of agent provocateurs and the police.

I guess you've never been on a peace protest, OP?

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 20:26

YABU. People regularly take young children on marches, and they are IME well organised so that people are safe. I too went on the 2011 march which, IIRC, kicked off a bit in some places but the trouble was fully contained and I for one knew nothing about those incidents. There were lots of small children on that march too, and the participants were very good-humoured.

I actually think it's you who hasn't put thought into this and are coming up with ill-informed kneejerk reactions. When did a crowd rush last happen on that sort of march? Usually if anything they're painfully slow. Your boyfriend and his child will be in more danger crossing the road tomorrow.

I think, if the vote is for bombing, it's pretty valuable to bring home the fact that Syrian children like him will be in infinitely more danger than children on a march in London.

Original poster
Decemberblue · 01/12/2015 20:26

Well either way he's not talking to me now!

OP posts:
unlimiteddilutingjuice · 01/12/2015 20:30

Ive taken mine to demos. Most do not turn nasty and trouble is usually easy enough to predict. Police changing into riot gear and forming lines is usually my cue to leave. For the last 10 years the police have preferred "kettling" rather than e.g dispursment with baton charges/horses. It normally starts with loose police lines and a period where people are let out of the area but not in. Mums and kids should probably leave then.Later the lines close and everyone is kept in.
To those who mentioned lone idiots in the crowd kicking things off: Honestly- thats not how it happens. The police deal with idiots every Saturday night. They know how to escalate and deescalate situations. If theres trouble on a demo- its often because the police want there to be.
Which means that if you watch the police- you can tell if its time to leave.
Very, very few demos end in violence though- Im sure your boyfriend and his child will be fine.
As pp have said: You bring drinks, snacks and warm clothes, you stick to the organised main body of the demo and you leave early. It can be fun for a child: marching and shouting as part of a crowd.
Mine normally get Macdonalds and soft play afterwards as a reward for humouring their lefty mum Grin

iamEarthymama · 01/12/2015 20:42

Good for him, I wish more people would realise that we are on the brink of war, and these actions will bring more acts of terror to our streets
There are children in Syria who deserve to live their lives in peace, just our children do.
All lives matter.

I have been on many protests and the children always bring much needed joy.

At the Anti-Austerity march in Manchester a little one was leading the calls of Cameron, Cameron, Cameron, Out, Out, Out. Smile

GoblinLittleOwl · 02/12/2015 11:31

He is a fool.

Dipankrispaneven · 02/12/2015 13:20

No, he isn't a fool. There is no reason to think the child will be unsafe in his father's care. When did you last hear of a child being hurt as a result of attending a demonstration? And, of course, it's the father's decision anyway.

toffeeboffin · 02/12/2015 13:26

No, YANBU.

SettlinginNicely · 02/12/2015 13:32

Yanbu
No one can guarantee that a protest will remain peaceful. Sometimes people who enjoy mayhem show up at protest to stir up trouble because they enjoy the excitement. It shouldn't happen, but now and then it does. And if it were to become a frightened, chaotic crowd, you wouldn't want a three year old in it.

Sandsnake · 02/12/2015 13:47

YANBU. The fact that he has the chance to leave DD with you but doesn't want to is the crux of the matter for me. He could still attend without putting his DD in a potentially stressful situation. It sounds like he actively wants her to be there to reinforce his objection to the strikes. As she is three she will have no concept of what's happening and would be there as more of a prop for him than an educational experience for her. I also think that if you're helping to co-parent as DD's mother isn't on the scene he needs to listen to your concerns, especially as they're safety driven.

hampsterdam · 02/12/2015 13:54

Ah Earthy that brings back memories for me one of my first protests when I was about 5 shouting Maggie Maggie Maggie out out out. Great fun.
As for not being able to guarantee it remains peaceful, nobody can guarantee anything in life. That's life, it's up to him.

Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2015 14:00

There's thousands predicted to take part and it will be heavily Policed/controlled/guided, so getting away from any conflict, people throwing things etc will be extremely difficult.

""When did you last hear of a child being hurt as a result of attending a demonstration? ""

Watching protests were things have got rough, the children (and young teens) look terrified. So not injured but put the the same stress as witnessing any violent act and fearing, them or the people they are with, being hurt.

It's the equivalent of being involved in a DV incident, to put it in perspective.

She doesn't have to be there and he is being extremely selfish and not putting his DDs needs first.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 02/12/2015 14:00

YABU. As long as it is a properly organised well-marshalled protest will be fine. Stay on the edges so you can bail out onto pavement if necessary, its pretty easy to spot trouble before it starts.

There are many many risky things you do with DD everyday, every time you go in a car you are taking your life in your hands...

SauvignonBlanche · 02/12/2015 14:06

Its a day out for a toddler, just as likely to go right or wrong as a walk in the countryside, a trip to the zoo, a plane journey to go on holiday...... Hmm

You're unlikely to be kettled on any of the above activities.

Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 14:07

There are many peaceful protests but things can kick off in a crowd situation incredibly quickly. As a veteran of more marches than I can remember when younger I would not take small DC.

Was at Hyde Park at anti criminal justice act March think it was 1994, it turned in to an actual riot and the coach I was in was petrol bombed. So I suppose my views are coloured having been in that.

uglyswan · 02/12/2015 14:09

Really recommend he invests in a pair of child-size ear defenders.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/12/2015 14:14

I was at the 'Kill the Bill' March too, it started off so well. The riots after were much less fun. Hmm

DixieNormas · 02/12/2015 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2015 14:47

I was at the Criminal Justice Bill March as well. It was fairly obvious that that march wasn't going to end well. I was kettled at the Hyde Park end. It was horrible.

However, I've also taken DD to a protest. One I knew would be smaller, stayed on the fringes, near some older people (teachers protesting), kept away from crowds.

There are children and babies dying in the Middle East and in drone attacks elsewhere. The reality of drones and bombing. Just because they aren't my child... they are someone's child.

Dipankrispaneven · 02/12/2015 15:15

It's perfectly easy to stay away from any problems by following the advice given in this thread.

cleaty · 02/12/2015 15:20

I have been on lots of big protests. In spite of what you see on the TV, it i very easy to pick an area with families where you will be safe. Those out to cause trouble are always a small group, and they are easy to spot and avoid. I have felt safer in crowds on a protest, than on Oxford Street close to Xmas or on a crowded Tube platform.

VikingVolva · 02/12/2015 15:33

I think toddlerhood is a difficult age to take a DC to a demonstration. It's so unlikely to be interesting for them, and a pushchair in a crowd can be a nightmare.

If however he is absolutely determined to do it, here are some tips:

  • find out which groups are marching within the overall demonstration, and look to see if any are family oriented groups to join up with (nicer atmosphere IYSWIM)
  • whether you find a friendly group or not, always pay attention to the mood of the march around you (it can vary quite a bit) and if there is the slightest hint of trouble, move away immediately. You can always rejoin at a different point.
  • consider staying near the main set piece events (such as anyone addressing the crowd) as there is rarely trouble there
  • take an A-Z in hard copy, so if you need to move away from the main route for any reason, you can check where you are going.
  • check weather forecast, dress in plenty of layers
  • take plenty to drink, and plenty of snacks (as food retailers might be very busy, or alternatively closed)
  • be aware that for crowd management, if it is a big demo, tube stations might be closed or made 'exit only' so research several routes for getting between demo and station/car park
  • thing about taking breaks, perhaps branding off into a park or somewhere else where there are toddler-friendly activities
  • leave before the toddler starts to whine
  • never take a pushchair into the thick of a crowd (it's really difficult to manoeuvre out if you realise your toddler needs to be somewhere different/quieter for a while
Original poster
Decemberblue · 02/12/2015 15:40

He's adamant he's taking her. I'm not happy about it but what can I do. I will never forgive him if something happens.

OP posts:
RumbleMum · 02/12/2015 15:41

I'm firmly on the fence here. I took toddler DS2 to the Climate March last year and he loved it. I joined the family and children section, stayed on the outside at all times so I could make a quick getaway and left when it got really busy and I didn't feel comfortable.

I'd probably feel a lot more cautious about big gatherings now given recent events.

sparechange · 02/12/2015 15:44

There is definitely a higher chance of this protest turning nasty.
A couple of hours ago, protestors turned up outside Stella Creasy's house, which is definitely a new tactic (and one that has been widely criticised)

While it is entirely possible any protest will be peaceful, it only takes a handful to lead to the entire group being kettled, let alone running the risk of being caught up in something nastier.
It isn't a risk I would take. Tensions are running too high on this issue.