To not want to see my mi laws crusty face on Boxing Day

[Tamponlady]

Bil came over this weekend we were chatting as you do asking about Christmas plans.oh then said oh I herd mum and dad and going to sisters.

Bil then said yeah the plan is hers on Christmas then yours on Boxing Day he saw my face then Tried to back track saying he wasn't sure what the plans were

I mean what the fuck how can you make plans to go to someone's house for Christmas with out asking them first do said he's as shocked as I was

She is very toxic tbh I stopped going to hers 4 years ago

I think it's a Liberty tbh

Ugh no one comes to my house unannounced thank you. But my family would hate me to turn up unannounced so it works both ways.
What if you were sleeping or shagging?

Just because they're a MIL doesn't mean they're a heaven sent Angel and should be welcomed with open arms with an open invitation to your home. Some are downright dire and their behaviour shouldn't be excused just because your partner came out of their body. I'd love to know what batshit stuff your MIL did OP for you to call her crusty face

True, and the same goes for them about turning up unannounced. As it should for anyone

I'd like to know the answer to the question usual asked at 18.03.

Usual naturally it has a lot to do with how everyone treats each other. If the family who turn up are loving and kind they are bound to get a different reception than those who are demanding and disrespectful.

It's jut the idea that it's somehow less rude to send somebody away than it is to turn up unannounced that I can't understand.
Of course sometimes it's less than ideal if somebody comes over but I would never be so stroppy or bad mannered as to tell them they weren't welcome.

Yes, I feel we need the back story here.

Why did you stop going to MIL's 4 years ago?

Why would your DH's family visiting over Christmas be so disastrous?

Why is her face crusty? Is it impetigo? Cold sores?

Is there, or has there ever been a carcass involved OP?

If it was a close friend turning up or a family member you actually like then I guess it could be more acceptable. But imagine someone who is bullying you turning up on your doorstep and expecting to come in, it feels like that for some people with their MILs. I was emotionally abused and to an extent bullied by my exMIL, the thought of her sitting in my living room makes me sick. Invited or not

Dear me! I'd think there would be a nicer way to say 'I don't want to see my MiL at Christmas!

I assume BiL is your DH's brother? He and your DS's sister are somewhat out of line if they have made plans for their parents to go to yours without consulting you and DH.

But just be grateful he let the cat out of the bag before (hopefully) the iLs were informed of the plans!

OP hasn't seen MIL for 4 years, and has said she is toxic. I believe that if you forget to ask someone when planning to visit at Xmas then you either get on with them very well indeed (see NewLife's post ^^) or that person is toxic and taking a liberty.

OP, definitely make plans for Boxing Day.

She is your DH's mother and nothing is going to change that. You're stuck with each other. It's only one day. If you never saw her again it probably would be soon enough but life isn't like that. Christmas is for tolerating people you can't stand. That's why it's not my favourite time of year.

MizK I think to be fair different family cultures have different expectations about visiting, but unless someone is used to popping in unannounced in most of Britain and in Germany and the USA where I have lived it is common courtesy to check if it would be a good time for a visit before you arrive.

I disagree Vivienne.
I wouldn't tolerate people I can't stand just because its Xmas .
Some people deserve to be on their own.

Vivienne I think it depends on the degree of 'enmity'. If a relative is just an annoyance or a minor irritant I'd agree with you about tolerating them for the sake of my DH or DCs if they wanted to see that person. But if the relative is really toxic, abusive, or 'hazardous' (i.e. a nasty drunk, someone that picks fights or is insulting etc) then I don't think anyone should have to tolerate them.

In this case, I'll bet that the BiL and SiL were talking about Xmas and just decided that it was OP's DH's 'turn' to host their parents as I assume they've been to either BiL's or SiL's for at least the last 4 years. And that BiL let the cat out of the bag.

Back story is she is very very toxic

The reason why I stopped going 4 years ago we were then foster carers and I took along my lovey FC who was 3 at the time of course everyone was calling mil nanny so my dear little FC said "nanny can I have a drink please " I don't think she saw me as I was in the utility room she hissed I AM NOT YOUR NANNY

She was 3 ffs I was so cross it was unreal the poor love had already been through so much you can imagine it kicked of Royal

Her other crimes
Asking my ex when he was going to stop messing around with ethnics and get a normal girlfriend (this was before we were married )

She left our wedding early or wedding fished at 7 btw she was being such a cold fish wasn't even talking to the guests people thought his auntie was his mother

Belittling me in front of my son I had to tell him off for somthing and we were at a family dinner she said I was cruel in front of everyone there were 9 family members including family I had never met before and he wouldn't thank me when he's older I felt about 2ft tall

Also just Two months again I had a myomectmy had 8 fribrods removed biggest 18cm she rang to speak to me witch is unusual she said I hope your feeling well I had fribrods myself but I never made a fuss got got on you no with 4 kids and all or course my willy never waited on me like ....... I didn't have the strength to come back at her

Their are to many to go into

Tbh every encounter with her makes feel worse than I did to start I don't want to spend what's supposed to be a happy time with that po faced crow

And my oh turns it a frigging school boy in her presence so he will be acting like a total twat he even dresses different

Can I just add it's not our turn they are not that type of family they always have Christmas at their house or the one they own in the US

We stopped going to the house here as stated and we have never been able to afford to go to the us even if we wanted to they have only visited asked to come see us once since we have been married 2008 sil can no longer travel as she has to many small children

They are very well off people and they never let me forget I am the black girl from the council estate

Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to have this out on Jeremy Kyle?

Tell her she is the carcass then go NC.

No I wouldn't tbh it really effects my marriage do loves his family God for him but they make me feel awful and small

Lol @ Darvany.

That incident re your FC is awful by the way :( poor bairn.

that poor little girl!

Yanbu!! People who have never experienced pure toxicity love getting up on their high horses in their ivory towers.
I have a similarly toxic fil so understand the hot ball of hatred you feel in your guts.

Tell mil to get tae fuck if she thinks she is setting her cloven hoof over your threshold!

She sounds absolutely vile, OP! I think you just have to look after yourself when it comes to people like that - you will always be left fuming about something. It's not even like she's just different to you and perhaps you could tolerate her - she's openly hostile and causes friction wherever she goes. Ugh. You deserve to enjoy your Christmas so do what makes you happy.