To absolutely abhor the term 'good girl' used as a compliment towards adult women?

[InTheBox]

I might be over-thinking this but my manager is notorious for this.

This morning it transpired that I've achieved and in fact gone over my targets for this month and I'm set to do the same again next month according to some reports released today. I'm obviously happy with this, as are my team but my parade was rained on when manager casually strolled by my desk and said "Well done Box, good girl, you're on the way to the top you are."

It's great he recognised my work but I am not a girl and I do feel as though he's saying in some concealed way that although I'm doing well, I'm still just a girl and not quite ready to play in the big leagues with all the important men (All of management are men) if that makes a difference.

A part of me should be happy that he's recognised my work and that hopefully come the review I can use this as leverage for a promotion, pay rise or whatever but I still feel as though it's quite condescending. I'm pretty sure this has been raised before but I'm just still reeling from this morning.

Yanbu it's horrible. Like you're a dog or something. Call him good boy I dare you!

I also hate 'be good' as it just sounds a bit creepy to me for some reason.

My dad calls me good girl , I don't mind it

Dad - 'you ok?'
Me - 'yeah'
Dad - 'good girl'

He has always said it since I was small. It doesn't actually mean good girl, I think. Why would I be good for being ok?

I call him old man

If my boss said it, it would piss me off.

I had one manager who was very very respectful. Never said anything remotely sexist or condescending. However one day he was talking to me, stood up next to my desk. He started stroking my hair. As he went for the second strike he froze with a horrified look on his face and said

'I have no idea why I am doing this...I am so sorry!'

I laughed. But I did have to say 'then take you hand off'

He was so mortified. As a one off I let it go.

When I was giving birth to ds the elderly Irish midwife kept calling me a good girl. She reminded me of my grandma and it was so comforting. I cried when she told me her shift was ending but she promised to come straight to me in the morning. I was in labour for three days anyway. But she really soothed me.

FireCrotch I can accept that but what if you'd been a midwife comforting someone and she'd been on your case saying "well done Fire crotch, good going! well done girl"?

ofallthenerve Not before the new year review!! After that I will do so but not before then. In the meantime I will moan and groan to MN and whomever will listen

patronising and inappropriate, when coming from men especially.

the only time I don't mind so much is on the rare occasion that someone like a nurse or similar health care person says it (or something similar, 'well done') to me after having some possibly painful thing done, or something needing to hold still for or get into an odd position for or whatever. I think sometimes it just kind of comes out for them, and they're in that role of caretaker - maybe it's just that I look traumatised or somehow needy like a child in those situations - but it doesn't bother me then, as it sort of seems a little protective. I don't mind a pat on the shoulder then either! I don't think they really mean it in the same way as e.g., a manager would.

Enjolrass But that's your dad. No harm meant. If anything that'd be absolutely fine. My family have nicknames for me that wouldn't pass at work. My sister regularly calls me to ask "How's the whore doing" i.e me, and that's our joke but I'd never accept from a colleague "How's it going whore?"

I was going to say that that is the only time I didn't mind it. My mum says it when I've made her a brew or something. It sounds dismissive.

A colleague (in his 60s) said this to me a few months ago, think it was 'oh you managed it, well done you, good girl!' Given I'm in my 30s and have worked in my field since I was 17, I didn't appreciate this. Responded 'thanks very much, do you want to try it just a touch more patronising next time?' He hasn't done it since.

Oh no, I do this! I never in a million years meant to patronise anyone. I've always meant it in a we are all friends together, group hug kind of way. I will stop immediately and do my best to change my ways [santa]

I'm cringing now at the thought of offending people who I consider my friends

outside any sarcastic usage, YANBU. totally unacceptable for anyone beyond the age of 12 (if even).

Sorry tinklebinkle ... There's nothing else for it but to go and live in a remote Amazonian tribe. It's the only way

I get informed by men and women, but almost exclusively men that I am a 'good girl' at work. It makes me angry. There's no need to tell adults you consider to be 'less' than you that they are 'good girls'.

My (ex) boss used to refer to me and a colleague as "his girls". I am nearly 60, a senior manager and it made me grind my teeth in temper. He's gone now - redundant

brienneofquarth I think you're right. I will pack my bags tonight. Erm, well done old bean! Better? No?? [santa]

"When I was giving birth to ds the elderly Irish midwife kept calling me a good girl."

I hate girl for adult women. But I also hate "elderly" as a descriptor. Particularly for someone who was presumably under 60.............

Just take it as the compliment it is, what do you want him to call you?
I don't understand why people get so wound up about something so unimportant.

I binned a driving instructor once who called me good girl after every successful manoeuvre. "Now then Cassie, take the next left...good girl...keep on straight here then second left at the roundabout...there's a good girl...continue here...good girl well done" etc etc.

It was weird and patronising. I was an adult student, not a dog learning to shake paws!

Yeah well. I might be prepared to take is as a compliment if I thought for a single second that anyone would say "good boy" to a 40 year old senior manager who was meeting his targets............

"40 year old male senior manager......."

Ugh the term makes me feel sick. It should only be used towards animals and small children. My mums boyfriend said it to me once when I had done some cleaning for them because they were shattered from moving house. Not a thanks. Just 'good girl'

We really don't use the term "good woman" at all though in English do we? "Good man", I've heard plenty times. Or "well done mate". But I think the patronising " good girl" comes out partly for lack of a good alternative.

Any suggestions what phrases we can try and encourage instead?

I'd be happy to go with "good woman" purpledaisies, since "good man" is used.

She was 64 and described herself as "elderly" Bertrandrussell.