Pregnancy photos on Facebook

[ShebaShimmyShake]

So a friend recently had a pregnancy photoshoot and put the pictures on Facebook. They're lovely, include her husband and toddler, really cute and happy. She has made one of them, her profile picture - a close up of the uncovered bump with her three-year-old pressed up against it smiling. All very nice.

A couple of mutual friends, though, have confided in me that they found it very upsetting to see, as they have been trying to conceive for a long time without success. One of them has had multiple miscarriages, the other, to my knowledge, has not conceived at all. Fertility issues are very common but people rarely talk about them, so it's probably fair to assume the pictures have been seen by others who are in the same situation although we wouldn't know about it. The friend who had the photos taken does know about their situation.

They feel that she could have changed the privacy settings so that they didn't see the album, and not have used her profile picture to show the bump.

I actually agree regarding the album settings, although the pictures would probably be seen by others who we don't realise are suffering the same. Still, it's so easy to change settings, I don't see why you wouldn't if you know it might upset someone.

Regarding a profile picture, I am a little more undecided. People use their babies in their profile pictures all the time and there's an arguable case that you can't censor everything about your life on Facebook purely because it might upset someone. I've been upset by things I've seen on Facebook, although the posters would never have known that.

What do people think?

There is no comparison with not getting a new house, there just isn't.
Some things must really upset people - all the fb posts about mothers around Mother's Day, if you have lost yours, for example. But you could kind of predict when those will be, and avoid. It isn't possible to avoid all the baby ones. The ones I had trouble with were a) scan pics, having had such bad news at my scans, and b) ones who lived in a fairytale land I would never be in again, where a positive pg test automatically meant you'd be holding a baby in 9 months.

I wonder overall has fb brought more happiness or pain to most people's lives?!

Its awful people are upset but they can't expect people not to post their happy news.

It's her page, her profile. If it's not really offensive, she can use it.
I once told my mum to unfriend me when she didn't like a photo I used as a profile picture. She didn't, but never complained about anything I post again.

There is absolutely an comparison with weddings when you're single though- a good friend of mine as been desperate for children- as desperate as anyone I've known with fertility issues- for many years but been unable to have a baby because she hasn't found a partner. She found happy families very very very upsetting.

Those pictures sound lovely, why should she not share them for risk of upsetting those who are having difficulty conceiving. They cannot avoid pregnant women or children in life, unless they stay in doors. There is the hide button on Facebook, they can use that. This is from somebody who had several miscarriages and difficulty conceiving ds.

"I don't think you can censor every nice thing that ever happens in your life in case someone less fortunate sees it."

I agree with Nina as well.

Not posting something for fear of upsetting someone who may have issues with it - you might as well not bother having Facebook.

Shall I take my profile picture down because I am slim and might upset people with weight issues?
Shall I remove some holiday photos because some people can't afford to go on holiday?
Should I remove the picture of the steam train that went past my house recently because most people's houses don't back on to railway lines?

I think YABU, there are always going to be someone who is upset over a post on FB.

I lost my beloved dad as a teenager, I have had to endure years of happy fathers day, baby and grandfather etc on fb / social media. Sadly, I have had to learn just to quickly scroll past the pictures. It upsets me but I cannot dictate what people post.

I really feel for those suffering infertility (I've had 3 miscarriages myself), but they are not the only ones suffering by fb posts.