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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think if I was still invited, I'd have heard by now?

59 replies

HogglesFriend · 28/11/2015 09:35

About a month ago, someone who I've considered closest friend for many years invited me on a group outing scheduled for tomorrow. We had a disagreement recently (I invited her to something, she accepted but then changed plans when she got a better offer. I felt hurt that I'd been dropped so I called her on it which she didn't like) and whilst we've seen each other briefly since, I haven't spoken to her for a couple weeks (which up until recently would be unusual as we'd text/talk frequently) and I haven't had a text to confirm details about tomorrow. Do I...

A) assume she has forgotten about me and send her a text to see what the plan is?

B) assume because we've disagreed on something, she now doesn't want me to come and not contact her again until she contacts me?

C) send her a message asking if she is deliberately freezing me out because she is still annoyed about our disagreement?

We are both very stubborn and both like to think we're right but in this situation I do feel like the injured party - I think you don't accept an invitation from someone then go back on it because you've been invited to something else, surely? So I don't know now if she's genuinely forgotten she had invited me or I'm being punished because for the first time ever, I've voiced my upset about her behaviour. I kind of don't want to go for the A approach because if she has deliberately left me out, it'll be like I'm inviting myself out when I'm not wanted. I'm too old for friendship issues, I thought I'd be done with this in my teens! Thanks for any advice you give!

OP posts:
pictish · 28/11/2015 20:18

Well we're all different aren't we?

Italiangreyhound · 29/11/2015 13:52

I hope it has gone really well.

I agree you need to talk later about it all.

I also think that one area we (as readers!) are not sure about is the nature of the 'event' she passed up on and the nature of the 'event' she went to, that caused the rift. Excuse me if you have said, I may have missed that post, but in your opening post you just said I invited her to something, she accepted but then changed plans when she got a better offer.

I wonder if the thing you invited her was a big thing and her dropping out was a real hassle or whether you just felt upset. Also whether the thing she went to was really because she got a better offer. Occasionally we do double book ourselves and we don't always go strictly on what we decided to do first. Sometimes it is if the nature of the event or thing that can dictate which we pick and sometimes because of other issues. E.g. I passed up on my book group recently because I was needed by a friend who was in a bad place. I certainly would not have told all and sundry why I was not available but the reason was not because I got a better offer, if you see what I mean, just a thought.

Atenco · 29/11/2015 20:10

Occasionally we do double book ourselves and we don't always go strictly on what we decided to do first

That is me too. I have a friend who I had made tentative plans to spend New Year's Eve with, but nothing fixed and she always cancels at the last minute, then I ended up having to go away to keep a recently bereaved friend company. Unfortunately my first friend took this rather badly.

HogglesFriend · 29/11/2015 21:25

Today was lovely, thank you to those who wished me a nice day, it's very kind of you. There was no awkwardness and I'm glad I made the first move as had I not, I would have missed out on a lovely day.

I can't go into detail about the cancelled plans as it would out me but suffice to say, it was something important, something she instigated actually and was definitely agreed on before the second invitation came in. Tbh a genuine case of double booking I can sort of excuse but this was definitely a case of she was happy with plan A with me until the second invitation came in which is why I was so upset. Anyway, what's done is done. As I think I've said previously, I wonder whether I'm more invested in this friendship than she is nowadays and as I once read on mumsnet somewhere, you should never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option. Thank you to those who took the time to respond, I'm glad I took option A, I've had a nice day and no one can accuse me of standing them up or being funny. We'll see what the future brings with regard to this friendship!

OP posts:
Atenco · 30/11/2015 01:45

Glad you had a good day!

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 30/11/2015 06:44

good news, I like a happy ending Smile

IwishIwasinNewYork · 30/11/2015 07:42

Well played OP. Glad you had a good day.

Snowglobe18 · 30/11/2015 09:16

I don't have time for all this. I had a very similar disagreement with a friend a few months ago, and we sorted it easily.

Ring or text her, say 'sorry we've fallen out, I'd love to sort it out, are we still on for tomorrow? ' and go from there.

Snowglobe18 · 30/11/2015 09:16

Oh I missed the end! Great news!

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