...to ask what child you imagined verses what child you actually got! (Lighthearted)

[Flamingo1980]

I was just musing to myself that before I had my daughter I imagined I would have some courageous, nature loving, tomboy who loved cuddles and would spend hours watching cartoons with me. I imagined endless swimming trips and farms.
I also assumed as (as I was told) that she would be really hard work as all children are apparently. How wrong I was!!
I have ended up with a girlie, baby obsessed little scardie cat who hates nature and cuddles. She won't watch tv and just wants to fuss over her dollies. Constantly. She doesn't like swimming and is terrified of farmyard animals. She is, however the easiest child I have ever heard of and has made motherhood a breeze, physically. I feel really lucky but she's not what I expected at all...!
I'm curious now, did you lot expect and then got??

I imagined my kids would be quite academic, like their dad and like me. We have three DC and none of them are particularly academic, but they're still bright, creative and empathetic. Two of the three have ASD, which never crossed my mind, but they're just wonderful. One of the three is gay, which I definitely hoped for (not very straight myself). They're all wonderful in completely different ways, and not what I imagined at all!

Dd hair is coming through blonde dp and I are both dark haired, although we have siblings with blonde hair it's really not how I imagined her to look. As pp have said I don't think I particularly imagined her personality but I did think I'd be more of a pinterest mum. I have quickly realised the simplest child led activities are much more engaging and a lot less effort not less mess though

Dd looks exactly like I imagined but I thought I would get a very science orientated child who liked reading and I got a history obsessed child who wants to climb mountains at every opportunity. Honestly it has been fantastic! I do a lot of things now I would never have done otherwise. Luckily she understands the importance of cuddling and hot chocolare so we are good there!

I was convinced each time that we would have ginger babies! Now we have one ginger, one brown haired, one blond.

I thought DC3 would be somewhere between DC1 and DC2. Bright but not overly academic, sociable, polite, well behaved and articulate. Like others I didn't see ASD coming. He struggled at school, didn't do particularly well, suffered a lot with anxiety and worst of all his behaviour at school from 7 to 16 was often appalling. Now 20 he is much more how I expected he would be, but it has been very, very hard work.

I expected Dd to be dark haired blue eyed, highly intelligent. I got blonde brown eyed who struggles at school due to a hidden disability we only found out about 2 years ago and a learning disability we found out about 2 months ago. BUT also got the most loving, beautiful, caring, funny, sarcastic and witty person I've ever met. And assuming I stay out of her way for the first 30 mins when she gets up (when she is pure evil) I wouldn't change a single thing, she's perfect in every way (to me anyway).

When pregnant with my first I imagined a little boy, who would pop out easily - ha - and would grow into a clever, little clone of DH. Imagine my surprise when I had a little girl who was extremely ill and required major surgery. Dd still has lots of complications health wise and is really struggling in school, but she is confident, happy - most of the time!, bike riding, determined, busy little girl who doesn't really notice her disabilities and certainly does not stop her doing anything! She is also my complete clone!

For my second I knew we were having a boy so thought he'd be dark haired/eyes like me. Ds is a blonde and blue eyed. The most surprising thing about him is that he is a complete charmer! He has the most lovely personality and people seem to be drawn to him - very unlike myself. He doesn't seem to like football much either much to his dad's disappointment.

And for our surprise number 3, I got pretty much what I thought - another little girl who looks just like her big sister. She is also another fearless, determined little monkey who prefers climbing anything she can to playing with anything.

So it's not as I imagined, I certainly never thought I would have a child with disabilities, but I couldn't imagine it any other way now. I am so happy to have been blessed with all three of them.

I know it's selfish but I expected DC to love me.

What I got was a asd DC who will never hug me, let me hug them or even sit next to each other on the couch and will certainly never say I love you mummy.

I don't think I'd have had DC at all if I had known this is what our relationship would be like.

He's a teen now and we are like passing ships who barely speak to each other.

Oh Lightbulbon that sounds hard.

lightbulbon I hear you. I got a beautiful dd 8 with ASD, her future is uncertain, she goes to a special school. I don't know if she will get a job, be independent, have a relationship, chikdren etc. All those things a parent of an nt child might expect.

For some stupid reason I thought DS would eat.

He's 2.5, early days right?

I was so sure I was getting a girl that when I midwife announced him a boy I asked "are you sure?"

I then sobbed for an entire night at the sheer beauty of him.

This followed pregnancy wondering if I could love "her".

I always thought I'd have 2 girls (lots of girls in my family) but I have a nearly 3yo DS and another DS on the way. I wanted to find out the sex with my 1st DS so I could prepare myself if was a boy as i didn't want his birth overshadowed by him not being a girl and any (probably imaginary) disappointment that may bring.

Sigh. He's AMAZING. I couldn't imagine having a girl now and we're delighted our next DC will be another boy.

He's still too young for me to know if he's what I'd imagined in terms of the the young man I envisage he'll become but my God he's a better child than I could have ever of dreamed of having. He just radiates happiness and joy and its contagious to all around him. I'm so proud of him already and wonder how I could have got so damned lucky. He's boy typical in terms of playing with cars, bricks, dinosaurs as I'd expected boys to do! But that's probably more to do with him being supplied those things.

What he has done though is show that I'm not always the parent I thought I'd be. I thought I'd be more hands on in terms of playing with him and doing stuff together but I don't as much as I think I should. I'm proud of myself in terms of the values I think I'm instilling in him so far like teaching him manners and empathy. He's very easy to parent (so far).

I'm excited for his future and to see how the addition of his little brother will change our family dynamic. Oh, and what this little one will be like! I'm imagining the polar opposite and a little monkey!

I was sure my DC would've very outdoorsy. I have dogs, go horse riding and love being outside.

Dd1 will refuse to come on long dog walks unless it's sunny and we will stumble upon an ice cream van. Although if it's sunny it's is too hot to be out walking. If she has to be out in the rain in cruel as she is obviously going to get a cold

She hates horses. She doesn't enjoy them at all. Dd2 loves riding and is getting very good. Dd1 will take her bike along instead.

Tbh dd1 would be happy to spend all day indoors on her PlayStation.

Two of my children (including my first) are so easy. A breeze. The most chilled babies/children. I wasn't expecting that!

The other two children are equally as wonderful. They are very very sensitive, so harder work generally. I wasn't expecting that!

I imagined a child with dark hair, olive skin and hazel eyes, like my dh who I think is gorgeous. Ds has the whitest blond hair you will ever see and big, kind, loving blue eyes. He's utterly gorgeous, though nothing like I imagined!

In terms of personality he's everything I could have hoped for - completely opposite to me. As an introvert, I hoped for a child who was like dh and who would bring out the extrovert in me. He's very confident, full of energy and has a real zest for life. Fun-loving, a huge sense of adventure, loves exploring. It poses it's challenges (sometimes I wish he'd stop talking all the time) but he makes me ridiculously proud. He's an open book with a hugely affectionate nature - wears his heart totally on his sleeve, painfully honest. Very, very much like his dad!

I didn't have any ideas what they might be like. They are both very different and I wouldn't have them any other way. I love see their personalities develop and finding out who they are.

I was under the impression I couldn't have children, so never really allowed myself to think about it.

I feel utterly blessed to have a 4 year old dd that sounds very much like the tomboy in the OP, which coincidentally is almost exactly how I was as a child.

DS1 I imagined a mini me/DH (we're very similar) so a blond, blue-eyed docile child. Sporty, bookworm, easygoing, obedient, very shy and a good sleeper.

Ds1 was born with jet black hair (now light brown) and great big blue eyes. He is sporty and a bookworm but I was wrong on everything else! He is a terrible sleeper (severe reflux, even aged 4) and incredibly highly strung. I do not have a clue where his character comes from and although I love him fiercely he is hard work and very intense. He is shy but despite radiating anxiousness he'll go up to other children and join in their games. He's very popular at school.

I expected DS2 to be like DS1 though prayed to be spared the reflux. He is very different! Blond, blue eyes, easygoing, just as active as his brother but doesn't like books, a bit of a temper...only 18 months so we'll wait and see for the rest!