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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to ask what child you imagined verses what child you actually got! (Lighthearted)

69 replies

Flamingo1980 · 27/11/2015 21:12

I was just musing to myself that before I had my daughter I imagined I would have some courageous, nature loving, tomboy who loved cuddles and would spend hours watching cartoons with me. I imagined endless swimming trips and farms.
I also assumed as (as I was told) that she would be really hard work as all children are apparently. How wrong I was!!
I have ended up with a girlie, baby obsessed little scardie cat who hates nature and cuddles. She won't watch tv and just wants to fuss over her dollies. Constantly. She doesn't like swimming and is terrified of farmyard animals. She is, however the easiest child I have ever heard of and has made motherhood a breeze, physically. I feel really lucky but she's not what I expected at all...!
I'm curious now, did you lot expect and then got??

OP posts:

thewavesofthesea · 27/11/2015 21:56

I imagined a girl, but I didn't really think much beyond the baby stage when I imagined having a child. I have two boys, DS1 is a a carbon copy of me personality wise; anxious and overly empathic, and willing to please. DS2 is different of course; not really like me or my DH, but more like I would expect a typical boy to be like. They are just themselves; I never could dream up two such lovely boys. (Clearly I am a bit biased in this opinion)!

EatSleepTeachRepeat · 27/11/2015 21:57

My little boy is exactly how I imagined he'd be - caring, arty, a massive fan of books, a film critic and very generous with his kisses and cuddles. Though he is very set in his gender stereotypes despite being raised as gender neutral for the first 15 months

I am not at all the mother I wanted to be - I imagined a 30 something mother who was like the teacher from Matilda and could afford to take time off as my rich, educated dh would accommodate! I was 21 when I had him and even now 6 years later barely have 2 pennies to rub together!

Rshard · 27/11/2015 22:02

I was convinced my baby would be a dark haired boy. I got a fair haired girl!. Didn't think too much about personality but she is a mix of DH and I. Sporty and competitive like him strong minded and a book worm like me. She drives me absolutely batty at times but my heart genuinely skips a beat when I watch her win a swimming race or someone tells me what a kind and good person she is!

revealall · 27/11/2015 22:04

Mine is exactly what I was expecting really although he seems less extrovert than a child of mine should be.

What I didn't count on though was how much like his father he is. He has never met him but has so many quirks of his.

It's very odd what is actually genes and what is environment.

Keletubbie · 27/11/2015 22:08

I never imagined myself with a child full stop.

DD is possibly my clone. It's delightful.

HumphreyCobblers · 27/11/2015 22:10

I realise that I always imagined being the parent of a five + year old, babies and toddlers were not what I envisaged parenting.

Twerking9to5 · 27/11/2015 22:10

I thought I'd have a quiet, people pleasing, gentle child (like I apparently was). I can't believe how strong willed he is and his temper can really floor me! However, he has a great personality and it's quite interesting trying to work with his bolshy ways (as well as bloody tiring). DD (4 months) is shaping up to be a sweet gentle thing. But we'll see....

Notimefortossers · 27/11/2015 22:15

I didn't have many expectations of what my child would be like but I was SURE I'd be a wonderful, easygoing, gentle but effective parent, that would never bribe, cajole, shout at my child, find parenting boring, and would NEVER find myself in a situation where I didn't know what the fuck to do.

Lol. Me too.

foxessocks · 27/11/2015 22:15

I was sure my dd would be like me as a child and be quiet, shy, love cuddles and holding hands and play quietly or read quietly. Ok so she's only 2 so i know stuff changes constantly however so far she is loud, quite boisterous, doesn't really like cuddles (when she's tired she is cuddly!) , she's confident and has the attention span of a gnat.

I wouldn't change her for anything in the world. She's wonderful and I love that she's not what I expected, she surprises me even day and she's her own person with her own lovely little personality. And she's much much funnier than me!

PicaK · 27/11/2015 22:15

Areoflotgirl - me too. Deep down i suspect i love the one i have more than i would have ever loved the mini me i thought i'd have.

Hydradela · 27/11/2015 22:18

After 5 mc I would have taken anything but I was still surprised by feisty strawberry blond dd1. She's a real character and one of a kind - I love her to bits. She's quite different to everyone else in the family so not sure how genetics worked their magic with her. I would have wondered where she came from if I hadn't given birth to her and know she never left my side in hospital !
We have an exotic mix of genetics between us and I expected my dc to be born with jet black curly hair. Dd2 delivered on that and looked a spitting image of Dh. But sometimes I wish her character wasn't so much like mine- bright but lacking confidence and prone to anxiety.
I've been tempted to have a third to see what genetic mix we end up next

Susiesue61 · 27/11/2015 22:22

Ds1 is just like his dad so no surprise there :)
Ds2 is blonde and blue eyes, nothing like us physically but cuddly and lovely, just like a baby should be (even though he's 10!)
Dd is my only girl - I got a solid, beautiful, confident child, who can hit a cricket ball really hard, and plays in goal Not what I expected, but someone I am really proud of! (As I am of all 3)
I wish DH had let me have more so I could see what else I could get!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/11/2015 22:24

pica it's like the plane journey. You imagine your going to America, you have the guidebooks, yiu are looking forward to what you will see, and have prepared yourself. You are on the plane and discover it's going to Holland. Holland is also a lovely country, but different. It also has wonderful sights and you begin to get used to going to Holland. You arrive in Holland and it is wonderful, it is very different to what you were looking forward to. Sometimes you wish you could be in America and sometimes imagine what it could be like.

novemberchild · 27/11/2015 22:24

I think I did get the daughter of my dreams. She'd deny it, if course, but she's almost 19 now and everything I ever dreamed she'd be.

She's kind, she loves animals, she's honest, she tries hard despite her struggles and she is never spiteful or cruel. She has time for people even when she doesn't feel like it. I don't know that I ever thought about this when I went ahead with my pregnancy aged 17, but I am so grateful for her being.

WinterBabyof89 · 27/11/2015 22:27

I imagined a version of my own family whilst growing up - mum, dad, two daughters (turns out I'm not very imaginative ha!).

I actually had a DS, followed a few years later by a DD who died neonatally due to a labour complication, and then had another DS.

So nothing like what I imagined my life to be like, but wonderful in many ways none the less.

cheapskatemum · 27/11/2015 22:29

DS1 was (still is!) such a live wire, I remember hoping for a quieter DC2. DS2 has ASD and is non verbal, so in that respect I suppose he is kind of what I wished for! 2 of my friends who were PG at same time as me with DS3 lost their babies, so I just hoped for a healthy baby and DS3 is certainly that, plus the most like me of all DSs: sociable, empathic and organised. I fondly imagined a girl whilst PG with DC4, but out came another DS, he's much more like DH, looks and personality-wise.

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/11/2015 22:34

I have black curly hair and dark eyes. I thought I would have a curly dark haired daughter. Both times. Both times I got a blue eyed straight blonde haired boy . I'm sure some folk wonder if they are mine!

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/11/2015 22:37

oh and we live in Jersey so the boys have vair posh accents. We are from W Yorks and the Midlands and often say to them how posh they are

Headofthehive55 · 27/11/2015 22:37

aero snap.

I imagined a boy three times and got girls so when I was expecting again, I just thought it would be a girl, obviously...and it turned out to be a boy. I have never been so surprised in my life!

All loved though.

BrianButterfield · 27/11/2015 22:41

I thought I'd get a bookish, thoughtful, child prodigy sort...and I did - BUT - I didn't reckon on the intense silliness, toilet humour, short temper and fussiness! Which in retrospect I could have seen coming.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/11/2015 22:50

DD2 is a carbon copy of me as a child, she is my mothers revenge!! Jealous, short tempered, temprememtal, unreasonable, but bright funny and cuddly when it suits.
She will be a brilliant teen ...

BobberClobber · 28/11/2015 00:47

I thought I'd have a shy, creative daydreamer. I've got a feisty, creative live wire who knows here own mind.

I feel like I've been staring at her in open mouthed disbelief since the day she was born.

Mmmmcake123 · 28/11/2015 01:06

When I was expecting my first I felt it would be a boy (don't ask, pendants over the bump and how I carried etc.none of which I took v seriously).
I have the best DD ever. When she was younger I discouraged any toys that would encourage too much pink influence. Feel a bit embarrassed now but no dolls for first birthday etc. She absolutely defined herself in terms of toys once in school. She is now a very intelligent young woman who cares about her appearance more than I ever would. She has taught me to be more accepting of people who love mirrors lol
I knew my second pregnancy was a lil boy and he has taught me that despite difficulties (ASD) he knows I love him. His kisses are just the best, unexpected prior to birth but I genuinely would not change a thing about him.
Lil babes are so beau xxxxxx

TheSconeOfStone · 28/11/2015 01:30

I expected one of each and I got two girls. Dd1 is 8 and is being assessed for autism. That was unexpected but I can see she gets her anxiety and overthinking from me and DH. She is bright but a self defeating underachiever like me. I was going to raise a sporty, well behaved, popular, conformist child so I'm not quite sure happened.

DD2 is a popular, people pleasing girlie princess (but a loud diva at home). Nothing like the rest of us but I envy her ability to fit in with the crowd and be loved by everyone she meets.

Senpai · 28/11/2015 02:10

Well, DD is only 2. So it's hard to call at this point.

But I expected a child to be like me that was all over the place, hard to control, into everything, and no concept of danger. I got a very mellow, shy, timid, quiet girl that's very introspective and will spend hours playing quietly with her toys. She also loves pink, but time will tell if she's a girly girl or not. I was girly but climbing trees and getting muddy in my dresses.

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