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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU…to ask MNers that go to the gym whether..?

58 replies

Redskyatnight01 · 27/11/2015 09:31

You ever feel uncomfortable or like you are being watched/ leered at by the men?

I joined the gym a couple of months ago and force myself to go 3 x a week but I am beginning to really hate it.

I am a pretty paranoid and self-conscious person anyway really which doesn’t help but the whole time I’m in there I feel like men are gawping, I promise this isn’t an ‘I’m up my own arse and think everyone fancies me’ post, but I do feel them staring and I then get paranoid that I look like a total pleb on the cross trainer or something.

I thought to myself the other day ‘You’re just being paranoid, don’t be ridiculous’ but then last night a man passed me to leave and as he did, literally stopped, looked me up and down and then winked at me and walked out. WTAF?! It’s a gym, not a nightclub, AIBU to think I should be able to exercise and use the gym I’m paying for without being subjected to leery perving?! If I wasn’t self-conscious before then I bloody am now!

It’s just making me feel really uncomfortable and self-conscious and it’s getting harder to force myself to go.

I can’t be the only self-conscious female gym goer surely? Do you just block it out and get on with it?

OP posts:
NZmonkey · 27/11/2015 22:09

I once overheard some school boys talking about asking me out. Totally awkward as I was late 20s at the time. I tend to put my music up and zone out. I also read my book while doing cardio even while running so I have no idea what is happening around me it's great.

whatdoIget · 28/11/2015 03:43

How do you not fall off the treadmill. NZ? Reading while running sounds tricky

chrome100 · 28/11/2015 04:12

You sound like my boss. She won't join a gym because she's too self conscious. Seriously, no one cares. I suspect it's all in your head.

AndrastesKnickerweasels · 28/11/2015 04:58

I hear you, OP.
With the huge disclaimer that I'm about a size 16 and 5' not-much, I find gyms horrendously awkward places of self-conscious doom. Even though I know nobody's actually looking, I feel like they are.

I've taken to long walks in the wetlands behind my house. Probably not the safest but they're very secluded. Sometimes I even get up some kind of shuffling run.

Can you maybe go at different times for a bit to see if there are fewer weirdy men/a better vibe for a while? If it's still a problem for you (even if it is all in your head, it's still bothering you, so it's a problem) and you can afford it, a women's gym might be a good idea.

Bigpants4 · 28/11/2015 05:04

There are two gyms near me. One is a normal one, lots of women, lots of different shaped bodies.

The other is essentially full of footballers or/and serious muscle building blokes. Few women. Much smellier. I would avoid this gym like the plague.

Enjolrass · 28/11/2015 07:56

At one gym I was at there was a creepy man that always appeared behind me when I squatted.

Didn't matter where I was, I would finish a set and turn round and there he was. I saw my PT during this session and pointed him out. He observed him then had a word. Man never came back apparently.

At my new gym (smaller, weight lifting gym and what most consider 'a mans gym' with mainly male members) men stare but then come over. It's usually 'I haven't seen that before, what does it work on' I have ended up becoming friendly with most of them.

Since becoming friends with them I can see that any staring isn't sleepy in the slightest. But doesn't always come across that way.

There is also the problem of just looking around and catching someone's eye. I know people probably think I stare occasionally.

I am not, usually just preparing myself for my next set while looking at nothing in particular.

TheStoic · 28/11/2015 08:51

I've never experienced the gym leer. In all honesty, I go there to work out. It would take some kind of emergency for me to notice what's going on around me.

Do you feel unsafe there? If so, you should definitely change gyms.

Otherwise, just glare back.

EastMidsMummy · 28/11/2015 09:09

YABU. Unless you exercise with your eyes shut, you have to look somewhere. In a gym, where your head goes is largely determined by where the machines are facing. As people are programmed to look at other people, it is inevitable that some people will look at you.

EastMidsMummy · 28/11/2015 09:11

PS. The winking crosses the line.

firstdirect · 28/11/2015 09:13

Andrastes there was a slightly larger lady on the treadmill in front of me the other day and I couldn't help but glance at her as she was in my line of sight. All I thought was bloody good on her for exercising, I wanted to smile at her or say something but that seemed too patronising for words. I wanted to encourage her in some way though...

NZmonkey · 28/11/2015 17:43

whatdoIget I have a kindle and make the text really big then rest it on the treadmill. Works great and time goes really fast.

talkinnpeace · 28/11/2015 17:47

At the end of one of my classes the other day a new lady came up to me and apologised for having been staring at me but she was copying the moves.
I'd not even noticed as I was too busy trying not to fall over.

A lot of the staring not all but a lot is in people's heads, not real.

whatdoIget · 28/11/2015 17:55

NZ, you must be better coordinated than I am. I know I would fall off if I did that. I have fallen off when not reading!

SuperFlyHigh · 28/11/2015 18:03

Gyms never - but I hate gyms and rarely go there!

Swimming pools - yes once in an aqua aerobics class in an area with a high Asian population, the pool was cordoned off so one part was for swimmers and the other for the class, there were several Asian men in the cordoned off area of the other pool but close by enough to watch us and to comment and (the men were Indian/Bangladeshi) judging from the area where they live - they made comments about us in a jokey fashion (big tits etc in English as well as comments in their own language) and also hand gestures. They made comments for almost the whole of the class which was really offputting to us! They certainly weren't quiet about it! When we (the other female exercisers) complained to the tutor of the class she spoke to them but very ineffectively and they didn't stop, at all, maybe quietened down a bit but still stared and made jokes, it was all a big joke to them! When I got out of the pool to shower poolside I had 1 or so of these men sidle right up next to me to stare and even try to use the shower next to me.... To stare and leer at me! Shock

It seems as if they had severe boundary issues and also it was a novelty seeing women in swimming costumes, and we were there for their amusement and to leer at. I didn't see any Indian/Bangladeshi etc women swimming there, maybe not for cultural/modesty reasons (not far from where I live but different towns there are also segregated and exclusively classes for women who wear burqas and burkinis etc.

This happened when I went again the following week and I complained again. The staff were very much "oh we will speak to them next time they're in the pool and didn't the tutor speak to them etc and we will see what we can do...." But I could tell they weren't really that bothered about the women who'd been upset by these men's actions!

As I could see this behaviour wasn't being taken seriously or being banned by the staff I simply left that pool/gym and went elsewhere!

This happened about 2-3 years ago, I'm quite attractive with a decent figure but larger breasts but when I wear a swimming costume I wear a decent one and not cut away at sides or very skimpy - and even if it was skimpy doesn't give the men or ANY men the right to comment on my and other women's figures or stand really, obviously close to us and leer.

So it can happen OP.

KatieLatie · 28/11/2015 18:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

rookiemere · 28/11/2015 18:55

It definitely happens, I'm surprised people claim it doesn't. I think back and I have been chatted up a few times at the gym in my younger days, but was so lacking in confidence I genuinely thought they were interested in my bog standard revolutionary new crunch technique.

It is normal I suppose in an environment that tends to attract younger people, but I can see that it would be off putting to have unwarranted attention.

Roundles · 29/11/2015 12:28

I'm hugely anxious, to a point of debilitation. It took me years to step foot in a gym, and the last ten months to just about feel comfortable when I go. I'm fairly sure I've never been leered at, or winked at Sad My gym clothes are massively skanky old t shirts and shorts though Smile I'm convinced everyone notices my feeble attempts at exercise and laughs, but I sort of know that's just in my head.

halphalp · 29/11/2015 12:31

Not had anyone leering at the gym. I've encountered a bit of sexual harassment while running outside though.

whatdoIget · 29/11/2015 12:36

The gym I used to go to was the council-run one, and I used to go during the day, so it was mainly older people who used it at that time. It was a really nice relaxed atmosphere.
I usually run outside now and have been lucky to be usually ignored! If comments have been made, it's been something like "well done love" or "nearly there" which is fine, although unneeded really. I respond politely. It's always men, never women.
There was one incident where a teenage boy on the other side of the road imitated my running, which was a bit shit really the cheeky little fucker

RJnomore1 · 29/11/2015 12:38

Never happened to me but then the gym I go to is a bit more like a club, we all pretty much know each other.

WanderingTrolley1 · 29/11/2015 12:43

It used to happen to me.

I'd just ignore, put my earphones on and carry on.

longingforfun · 29/11/2015 12:43

I'm old fat and unfit and young guys in the gym often smile and wink at me. i have no illusions that they find me physically attractive, just that they're being friendly so i smile back at them. I am a naturally friendly person.

Thefitfatty · 29/11/2015 12:50

I'm the only woman at the gym I go to. For the most part I get the "holy crap there's a woman in here" stare from every guy the first time they see me, there's nothing threatening about it. I get some quick glances from one guy and a couple of the teenage boys (again not threatening), but there are two guys who STARE, and they just make me uncomfortable. One guy I had an altercation with over an air conditioner (I wouldn't let him turn it off because it was 40 bloody degrees outside and the gym is all windows on top floor! It was suffocating in there, but he went off about how the air con is bad when you're working out. Utter drivel.) He now glares at me everyday and I HATE it. Another is an old dude who sits on an exercise bike and stares at me the whole time. Just sits and stares. It's unnerving.

Original poster
Redskyatnight01 · 29/11/2015 18:04

Eurgh, I would hate that fit!

Well I went today and just put my head phones in. There was only a few of us in there though and only 1 man and he was with his wife so it was fine. If it was like that all the time it'd be great. No men throwing weights around whilst grunting like hogs & checking themselves out in the mirror :shudders:

OP posts:
Branleuse · 29/11/2015 18:13

no ive never been leered at, but occasionally ill stare at someone if theyve been hogging a machine for ages and are not even using it properly or taking 5 minute breaks between reps without getting off