Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD? 5 year old and rights to say no - vaccine related

60 replies

Yuletidekitty · 27/11/2015 08:59

Dd is 5.

Flu vaccines are happening in school on Monday .

We've talked to dd about it and told her it's just a spray .

A couple of her class mates have told dd that they are not getting the vaccine . Dd is a worrier and now she's upset saying she doesn't want the vaccine .

DH says she should still have it as its for her own good .

I'm torn . I'm considering withdrawing consent as I don't want dd upset over a vaccine that isn't 100 percent guaranteed to work and isn't offered to everybody .

I also think she should have some say over what happens to her body - but where do I draw the line in medical terms ?

Help! WWYD?

OP posts:
RiverTam · 27/11/2015 09:47

I'm slightly Shock that you would even contemplate handing this decision over to a 5 yo child.

FWIW DD hasn't had it, but that's because I misunderstood and thought I had to opt out not opt in. I might take her to Sainsbo's to have it done. But her views on the matter are entirely irrelevant.

Snowglobe18 · 27/11/2015 09:47

YABVU.
She needs to learn to do things she doesn't like sometimes. She is unable to make a rational decision about her medical care, therefore you can do it for her.
Make it sound fun, give her a sticker (my kids got a sticker and certificate at school), stress how great it is that one spray can stop her getting poorly for a whole week. Make it sound easy and not a big deal.

TimeToMuskUp · 27/11/2015 09:49

My 4yo DS2 refused it at the Drs surgery on Halloween (our GP runs their own clinic for children with asthma and other conditions). I was a bit brutal blunt and told him to quit whining and get it done. The nurse told him he needed it in order to stay strong for winter, he conceded defeat and he's been fine.

I just don't think you can give young children choices in stuff like this; DS1 had Actual Flu (capital letters denote seriousness!) two years ago and was laid low for well over a month, I have never in my life seen a child hit so hard by illness. Since then they simply don't have a choice.

specialsubject · 27/11/2015 10:18

she's 5. She doesn't make the decisions. You do.

Just wait until the HPV jab where they all start massively winding each other up because it is 'feminine' to make a massive fuss about injections...

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/11/2015 10:20

Yes, my children are being vaccinated. None of them wanted to, but tough shit where immunisations are concerned.

Schrodingersmum · 27/11/2015 10:58

If it was a jab I could understand but its 1 ml of liquid in each nostril!

Im also an immuno compromised mum and my kids had to have the jab till last year, since then its been the nasal vaccine and it really is a non event

Your DD is 5, bad flu at 5 is nasty! be a big girl mum and tell her this year she must have it and then after she will be in a better pisition to know what its like for next time

StarkyTheDirewolf · 27/11/2015 10:58

My dad made me have a flu jab this year, and I'm 29 Grin For much the same reason as muskup I frequently end up off colour at Christmas, a few years ago I had norovirus followed by a bout of Actual Flu and I've been delivered to the doctors with my dsis for our flu jab every year since. My dad has a compromised immune system

CurlyCustard · 27/11/2015 11:09

My three year old Dd had hers done a couple.of weeks ago. Last year she had a jab, this year nasal spray. She's also asthmatic and was hospitalised with bronchiolitis at 4 months. It's ever so quick and she was more interested in the malteasers I had than having a spray up her nose. Get it done. Flu is so nasty especially in youngsters

LauraChant · 27/11/2015 11:11

I think five is quite young to have something like that done without a parent present. Our infant school sent a letter home saying unfortunately they couldn't let parents attend, but if we wanted to we could decline it and take our child to the clinic instead. Which is what I am doing, and did last year too.

strawberryandaflake · 27/11/2015 11:13

How upset will you be if she gets ill? Could you live with yourself that she has a life threatening illness because you didn't want her to cry for a minute?

Honestly, children need to stop ruling the roost.

She could also become a carrier and be the cause of disease.

Just do the right thing and get her the vaccination, ignore her babyish whining and teach her not to be a sheep to her friends.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 27/11/2015 11:17

Glad you've seen reason OP Smile

FWIW, I get a free vaccination for myself through work, my boys are all young enough for a free one as well, so it's only DH who won't get one!

I don't think they're doing it at school though, I'm going to take them to the local chemist tomorrow to make an appointment.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/11/2015 11:51

My DD 17 had it the other day and it was an injection.
She didn't even have time to try to complain or say no.
It was done in seconds.

LegoRuinedMyFinances · 27/11/2015 11:58

I had Actual Flu as a very healthy and active 18 year old. I was in bed for two weeks and took a further two weeks to recover. The £1000 test definitely applied in my case, as I had to be helped to get out of bed to go to the toilet.

My children have had the spray - my eldest is starting to get to the age of medical consent for certain procedures but didn't even bat an eyelid at this.

KeepOnMoving1 · 27/11/2015 11:58

Really? Be a parent and make decisions. Unbelievable you would ask a 5yo to decide.

honkinghaddock · 27/11/2015 12:07

Ds is having it due to being in an at risk group (severe learning difficulties). We may have to hold him down to do it. Although medically healthy he was ill for 3 weeks with it before they started giving it to children.

Enjolrass · 27/11/2015 12:07

My kids are all up to date with their vaccines. Why do you need to know that op?

5 is too young to make this decision. Because she is saying no because she doesn't like the idea of it. That's not a sensible reason. So you can see that she isn't the person that should mark this decision

Original poster
Yuletidekitty · 27/11/2015 13:38

Now where have I said I was asking my 5yr old to make the decision Hmm

I was torn on the vaccine to start with as I said in my op that's why I wasn't sure .

And obviously urgent medical care is different .

OP posts:
whois · 27/11/2015 13:40

She's 5. She doesn't get to make decisions about her health like that because she hasn't developed the required logical reasoning yet.

bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 27/11/2015 13:42

My 4 year old had it. Its such a non issue he barely noticed it had happened !
It is literally a second up each nostril.

Tomatoesareyum · 27/11/2015 13:59

She's 5. If you want her to have it she has it. No discussion beeded

Pollyputhtekettleon · 27/11/2015 15:01

She is 5. It's your decision as she is incapable of understanding the implications of her decision. Would you let a 5 yr old decide whether or not she should go to school? It's your job to reassure her and carry the worry burden.

lunar1 · 27/11/2015 15:06

You said in your op that you thinks she should have a say over what happens to her body. The line here is medical reasons, there is no way a five year old can make an informed decision regarding a vaccination.

SecretSpy · 27/11/2015 15:12

My youngest is 6. He doesn't get to decide what's for pudding, or whether or not he has a bath, never mind about imms and medical treatment.

VestalVirgin · 27/11/2015 15:13

Depends. Are you a stay at home mum, or would it cause you a lot of trouble to stay home with a child who is sick with the flu?

I had the flu as a child, and it didn't harm me, and I consider this newfangled vaccination rather superfluous except for the weak and elderly.

If there was no reason for me to want the child to have the vaccination, I would leave the decision to her.

Others are right, a five year old should not get to make important decisions, but the flu vaccination is not very effective, anyway. Letting the child make the decision would be a bit like flipping a coin, only, you know, showing the child that her opinion matters. Which I think is important.

FluffyPersian · 27/11/2015 15:20

I’ve got a slightly different take on things, however I wanted to post just to try and give a different side of the coin.

When I was 4, I had an incredibly high temperature, had a fit and was rushed to hospital in an ambulance – I was held down, given 2 lumbar punctures and was on a drip for a week. Noone told me what was going on, no one explained anything to me. I have a very good memory of the event and it was an incredibly traumatic occasion for me.

Since 4, I refused point blank to have any vaccinations – I was taken to get polio (sugarlump) tetanus etc. I utterly flipped – turned from a pretty sedate child to an absolute hitting, screaming banshee, scratched the nurse and kicked her. My Mother apologised and said she’d bring me back later but she never did.

I never had another vaccination from 4 to 21. When the BCG’s came round at school, my Father said ‘You’re having it’. I said I wasn’t… He said I was – so I packed my bags and threatened to run away from home. I had a plan formulated.. pocket money… I could have probably lasted about 3-4 days and didn’t exactly have any long term plans, but I knew that by the time I got back home – the BCG would have been and gone at school. My Mother realised how terrified I was so ticked the ‘no’ box.

Despite now being a 33 year adult, I feel she did the right thing in my case. I think she could have tried to find me help (counsellor) earlier, but to force me to have someone inject me would have been the complete wrong thing to happen.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that you don’t get her to have it as 1. I’m not a parent and 2. I appreciate that vaccinations are there for a reason and save lives, however, if she really is upset – please, please, please try and listen to her, explain to her and support her. Noone tried to explain anything to me when I was 4 and I genuinely think if I had someone sit me down or just tell me why they were ‘hurting’ me (which is how I saw it), it would have made a massive difference.