To have put the phone down on dd before I lost it.

[livedtotellthetale]

Both dds are away at University dd1 in second year dd2 in first year. They get there student loans and some maintenance
grants to help with there living costs.
I work full time and help when I can. as in the past Deposits for accommodation, Money towards flights for dds trip away for 8 weeks over the summer, All the stuff when they first went to Uni and money when I can.
Both dds have had part time Jobs since being sixteen and have been pretty good in not asking for too much as don't and haven't got anything from their dad in years.

DD1 Asked me to help towards her deposit for next years accommodation year 3, they have to get in quick as there is a shortage in her Uni town, I explained that at the moment things are very tight increase in my rent and am struggling a bit. but would help as much as I could.
So pay day today and I have trans £100.00 into her account towards the deposit this has left me short and things tight for Christmas I cancelled a few meet ups as can not afford it things are tight for me.
Have just been speaking to her to be fair she called to thank me. and we were chatting and she mentioned that her friend owed her £40.00 that she dosent think she will get back and that they are booking tickets to all go out New years eve and the tickets cost £80.00. I just said what. and said bye and put the phone down.

She will be going back to her part time Job when she comes back for Xmas and dd2 is working in her Uni town now so they are not lazy but will be having them both back home for 3 weeks over Xmas so my bills will go up which is fine (and do miss them loads) but the fact they will be spending lots on socializing while I am struggling to make ends meet.

head I fully understand. I still think it's rather cheeky for a university event to cost so much. I noticed that as tuition fees came in and there was more money made available via student loans and bank overdrafts the cost of these university events increased.

As to the OP being expected to help her DD out.... Words fail me. My PIL don't have much and we support them. It would never cross our minds to expect anything in return because we know they can't afford it.

Leigh the op is helping 2cdds out 1 of her Dds is taking advantage of her mum the op isnt a money pit her dd chose not to put money towards a deposit but have an expensive night out instead im not sure whats confusing you

Sorry I misunderstood I am shattered; had zero sleep last night so excuse me.

I think the events do cost a lot though. My DD was on another ball committee and explained the financial side to me. Now I'm a Yorkshire girl so don't really fritter money, but I was quite sympathetic after seeing what they were trying to provide for so little money. ( even though it might seem quite a bit)

There are choices to be made however, and rent should always come first. It's a matter of learning to cut your cloth accordingly whether it be several cheap nights out or one big splash.

Leigh I should suggest that to my Dad - he's my parent and is meant to help me out financially. Or my MiL - she's DH's mum, she's meant to help out. Actually it's completely the reverse, we help them when we can.

No. They aren't. Parents are meant to love, clothe, shelter, feed and support their children as best they can. This does not mean giving them money that the parents can't afford (and OP can't afford the £100 she has given, she's had to cut back on things and cancel others to be able to give it) while the offspring spends their own money on fun stuff.

Your DD1 needs a short lesson in budgeting. Rent and essentials first, then fun stuff, then loaning money to friends (which realistically she won't see back). I'd be asking for at least the £80 of the nye ticket as part payment if not the full hundred. Yes I'm sure she was just being thoughtless - but if she doesn't get pulled up on it, how will she learn to think?

Mm, my dd1 sent me a message that she had run out of money. On questioning this is in part because she has booked a plane ticket to Paris to visit a friend. " lack of planning on your part does not constitute a crisis in mine"

I think I'd be saying the £100 was all of her Christmas presents. That should get the message across.

I also think you sound too close to the breadline yourself to be offering your own cash right now. Next time she comes cap in hand, I'd be asking to see the state of her cash flow.

Totally agree green and oddity.

Loving the idea of making it her Xmas present!