to feel annoyed when DP & DSD go out without us

[loveverona]

So there's me, DP, my 3DCs and his DD (with is 50%). He's fabulous with mine and we are great together. His DD is quiet do you never really know what she thinks but then again gives us no hassle really. Sometimes he wants to go out with his DD (13yr) on their own and it makes me feel annoyed. I guess it reinforces to me that we are actually 2 families under one roof. Or is it just pure jealousy? Anyone in a similar situation??

Might it be that she's comfortable and relaxed in your/your DP's home, but she clams up with you?

It might be that she can sense the resentment you have about her and that makes her feel unsettled/not herself.

I know it's hard for you, but please remember that she is just a young teen (with all the torment that comes with that), you are the adult who is supposed to be trying to make her feel as welcome and relaxed as possible. And also you chose this setup, she didn't.

Sounds like an amazing dad who is there for his daughter.

What's not to like?!

Op Yabu and you know it. It's better expressing it here than to your dp or dsd.

Dh is the father to both my kids and we do things individually with the kids. It's good for kids to have some 1 on 1 time.

I did have a step dad whose face was like thunder if mum suggested taking me out on her own. I really disliked him.

Maybe she does need a break for your children, but there isn't anything wrong with that. She has been given 3 extra siblings that are very different to her. Let her deal with it how she and dp think is best.

I have one to one time with mine when we can - they are 6, 9 and 12 - but not really with DSD. I don't think she would want that and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable either. Been living together for 1.5yrs now.

Yabvvvvu it is normal for your dh to want to spend one on one time with his dd. Yes you are a blended family. Even in my non blended family, dh takes each child put separately sometimes, to have some daddy time, which they really appreciate.

DH and I take all three of ours out separately. I find they open up more when they're 1-1 with someone.

I have taken all of them on holidays seperately too.

Tonight, DS2 and I have been skiing together.

We also do lots of stuff all together, so everyone's a winner!

Chill out a bit about it OP... you are BU, but I understand where those feelings are coming from.

Yabu. Please give one on one time your blessing. What's to be jealous of? Also spend one on one time with each of your dc. Everyone will benefit

There's a thread running somewhere at the moment re blended families - may be worth popping over and taking a look. Lots of posts from the children that were in that situation, it definitely was educational to me

I have one to one time with mine when we can

So then you really need to accept your dp will do this too.

This is why I came to MN - to hear people's opinions and advice and take it on board, which I have. You have all given me a lot to think about. It's been a very tough 6/7 years for me, with miscarriages, divorce, new family life etc. I have a huge amount to be happy about and thankful for, but sometimes it's all felt too much to deal with. But deal with it I am doing. It's so good to know that there are people out there who take the time to reply to my post with thoughts, advice and often, encouragement. Thank you all.

op

I've always actively encouraged DH to spend time alone with DSC and would never want them to feel that time with their dad necessarily has to include me. Why does it bother you OP that you're two families under one roof? As long as the time you all spend together is reasonably harmonious and enjoyable does it really take anything away from that if DH spends time alone with his DD? My SIL is very resistant to my DB spending time alone with his DD from his first marriage, his DD has become more and more resentful of her over the years and DB's relationship with his PFB has suffered as a result which is awful as they used to be so close. Ultimately your DH's DD is a child and deserves a relationship with her dad which is exclusively theirs, my DH has always seemed to really appreciate the fact that I've been supportive of his relationship with his kids rather than insisting everything has to include me and I think our marriage is stronger for it. We have a DD together now and DSC are older but it's just normal in our family to do some stuff together and some where we split, doesn't make us any less of a family that we don't do everything together.

Look she may not dislike you and she may not like you. Maybe you just haven't clicked yet.

30 years on I still don't really have any feelings for my SM. Nothing really wrong or difficult about her, we are just very different people and have little in common. But - and it's a big But - she makes my Dad happy so that's too important for me to ignore. We are polite, can make small talk but she won't be someone I actively seek out for company. When I visit Dad and I wander around car show rooms together then grab doughnuts and coffee - don't know when or why it started but it's our thing, and yes it drives her nuts but she'd hate it so i really don't get the angst.

With your DSD back off when it's her time with her dad - yes they maybe escaping or they may just be mooching about.

But I would suggest you step up and spend some time with just her - anything from a shared interest in Strictly, take her for a swim or jog, haircut, cook together - whatever it is you may have in common. Don't make it s big issue just look out for something you could do once in a while and begin to build something that's just about you.