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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to leave 7.5yo home alone while I drop sibling to school?

74 replies

WhiffyBiffer · 25/11/2015 08:09

My gut says it's ok but maybe I'm bu. 7.5yo is not well and I need to walk siblibg to school. I'd be half an hour. 7.5yo is sensible and I trust her to do as I say ie. Stay in bed. She can use the phone, I could phone and talk to her as I walk. What do you think?

OP posts:
GreenPotato · 25/11/2015 08:56

No not at 7 and not for half an hour. I'll leave my 10yo that long but only started leaving him at 10.

diddl · 25/11/2015 08:58

What Penny put!

Enjolrass · 25/11/2015 09:02

If you think she is faking, take her to school.

The fact that you wouldn't want anyone to know, suggests you aren't comfortable with it though

WhiffyBiffer · 25/11/2015 09:08

Thank you everyone, back now. I'm still not sure if she's ill or not - definitely tired, teary and under the weather but considerably more perky once it was confirmed she'd be off today. She spent yesterday afternoon in the medical room at school because of feeling sick so would be worried she'd do that again. Think my best bet is to make today sufficiently dull and boring that school seems more appealing! Packed off back to bed now and no telly all day.

OP posts:
diddl · 25/11/2015 09:10

So did you leave her?

WhiffyBiffer · 25/11/2015 09:11

Oh, sorry, no I made her come with me.

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 25/11/2015 09:14

Personally I'd have been happy with that if I thought my child needed to stay in bed (and that they would do). Only if they were also happy with the arrangement.

My eldest was fine CBeebies for a few minutes age 5 when I walked up the street to get her brother from nursery - she was generally too tired home from school and very unkeen on going out again. We didn't collect him directly on the way home as it was right in the middle the nursery's tea time so it was quicker and easier to get my daughter home, give her something to eat, then go fetch her brother. But again, I only did it because I could be certain she wouldn't get up to mischief and it was pretty brief. Any evidence of problems on a single occasion and I'd have stopped doing it.

Now my youngest is 10 and happy to be left in the evening if there is a gap between something I need to go to and when his father will be home. Generally I make sure he's in bed or almost in bed before I go out, which means going to about half of a choir rehearsal for example instead of all of it. Also my husband will phone to confirm his train's not delayed! Again, he gets asked every time and if there is ever a bad day when he just needs to talk or know someone's there, then I stay put.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 25/11/2015 09:15

I love how at least one person on these threads always predicts a horrible accident happening to the parent - because it would obviously be better for a 7 year old to witness their parent being run over/ die with them in a car crash than to be safe at home in bed Confused

I'd say people focus on the wrong things.

What matters is:

Is the child nauseous or have they been vomiting - if so don't leave her alone.

Is the child feverish - if so don't leave her alone (my eldest is secondary age and more than capable of being home alone but she gets paranoid and tearful and a bit panicky with a fever, so definitely wouldn't leave her if feverish and not at the right interval between meds to know the fever isn't on the way back up).

Has the child been left home alone before a few times - personally I wouldn't be very happy leaving a child for the first time while ill, which is a pretty good reason to do some practice runs before its actually necessary.

Are there other people the child can phone if she can't reach you? If you do get struck by lightening do you have several separate adults - dad, grandparents, good long term friends, trusted neighbours... nearby who can get to her within a relatively short time and would be willing to do so? (Several because one or more might not be available)

Is she able to easily phone her other contact people - numbers saved in phone and very easily able to use the speeddial to call the right person?

Do you do fire drills and know that she would automatically get out of the house if the alarm went off, and is she well enough to do so?

Is she absolutely familiar with your rules on opening the door and answering the phone and what she may and may not do while you are out, and do you trust her as far as any human trusts another to stick to those rules?

What people school would think is so utterly irrelevant unless you really think you will have your children taken away for making a rational decision to leave a 7 year old in their own warm, safe, cosy house instead of dragging them on a half hour walk in the cold, when they are off colour.

I've left my older kids from age 6 for that length of time, but we live in Germany where I am more than happy for school and their younger sibling's Kindergarten to know that is what I've done, and indeed do end conversations with staff by saying I have to go because DC2 aged 8, who they know well, is home alone, and not an eyebrow has ever been raised.

Pythonesque · 25/11/2015 09:16

Just saw your update; sounds like you did the right thing to "test" how unwell she really is. Day in bed doing not much should help both for the rest and the reminder that school is better than home! Hope she's better tomorrow!

diddl · 25/11/2015 09:17

Ah good (imo).

I wouldn't have left her if she was ill because she's so young.

Equally, I wouldn't have left her if she wasn't ill because she's so young!

Hopefully if she's a bit under the weather then a day off will put her right again.

VegetablEsoup · 25/11/2015 09:20

I think it's fine.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 25/11/2015 09:21

Posted far too late to be relevant for OP's school run anyway Blush

Hope she's better tomorrow.

HPsauciness · 25/11/2015 09:24

I think it's worth building up for these things from about 8 onwards, so I started leaving mine from 8 for 10 min while I popped to the shop, having primed neighbours and made them practice using the phone and not answering the door (I have tested both!). Then 30 min to an hour when 9-10 and so forth.

I am amazed by the person who couldn't leave their 11 year old for an hour, surely by 11 they are out of your supervision for 8 hours a day, and teachers don't stare at them in the playground at lunchtime, it's very much their territory, plus what about walking home/getting the bus?

I think by secondary age, they have to be ready to be capable of going in public and on public transport if necessary, so starting with short times alone at home whilst watching TV (also banned from cooking while I'm out) is a good way to go.

Glad you resolved it.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/11/2015 09:42

my partner has done this, and he was fine

I would be too para!

Fieryfighter · 25/11/2015 09:54

I think in your position I might have called a taxi to do school run, that way a half hour walk would be a 5/10 min car journey so you wouldnt be away very long.

Dowser · 25/11/2015 10:02

If you're happy and she's happy and shes sensible enough to follow instructions then I would.

I had a half mile walk to school each day and I was doing it at that age and it involved crossing over a main road.

We all did it. It was called being given a little responsibility and growing up. No one got run over or snatched.

BeYourOwnBoss · 25/11/2015 10:03

Grin at Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter's post which makes total sense to me.

If they can call you, if they are fine about staying at home alone, and if they know what to do in case of emergency, then that's fine, in my opinion.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 25/11/2015 10:09

I don't think I would.

DH left 7 year old DD for about five minutes when he knew I was coming down the street one Saturday (for some reason he thought he had to leave quickly, I forget why) and I was very cross with him. She was watching telly and didn't move but I was still annoyed. He knew I was coming down the street because I had text him.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 25/11/2015 10:10

I would leave her to nip next door for five minutes or something though as she could come and get me if there was a problem.

chrome100 · 25/11/2015 10:23

I would. It's not for long.

ofallthenerve · 25/11/2015 10:36

Likedmyoldusernamebetter it was me who didn't predict but asked what if the op had an accident. I never said she would die in it. Apart from your slight twisting of my words, you make a good point. I didn't think of that.

Though I guess if you are with your mum when she falls over and breaks her wrist you know what is happening and will still be with her so not hanging around in the house wondering what to do.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 25/11/2015 11:18

Dh left ds1, 7, while he dropped ds2 at school.

It's a ten minute trip, 15 tops. Ds1 is very sensible, knows not to answer the door and how to call 999. He was curled up on the sofa, full of Calpol and watching telly.

He was fine.

ninared · 25/11/2015 12:01

Omg! are you serious!

no way a child of this age should be left without supervision !!

unless you are 100% sure a child would be well able to deal with a fire, a stranger at the door or any other similar event (which at this age they are just not) then there needs to be a responsible ADULT in charge at all times

so if you dropped your child off at school or at a Childcare centre you'd be happy if they were 'just left alone to do their own thing for half an hour' I don't think so

when you see in the media events that have gone wrong (kids being left alone in apartment on holiday) the parents are 'we were just 100 metres away and only a few mins from the door A few mins too late

Sorry not sorry I've spent a long time bringing up 3 kids often days alone with no partner and never took this easy route never left kids without responsible adult supervision or old enough to it be left - can't believe you think this could be 7 years old :(

Nataleejah · 25/11/2015 12:19

Was just thinking this. Would you want other people to know? If it's a no then don't do it. Would probably be fine, but I know I'd feel guilty about it even if it was fine.
Is it anybody's business really? You don't need to give details to anybody. Plus its obviously a thing that others may misinterpret.
Maybe an irrelevant example we have a barky dog. He just doesn't do being left alone. We do leave him sometimes an hour or two at most. Yet a serial complainer next door calls the council that dog barks "all day long".
So somebody could easily think that your 30min is "all day long" just like that.

when you see in the media events that have gone wrong (kids being left alone in apartment on holiday) the parents are 'we were just 100 metres away and only a few mins from the door A few mins too late
Accidents do happen even when adults are very close. When i was about 5, i fell off my dads lap and knocked my teeth out on a table leg.

dustarr73 · 25/11/2015 12:44

I done this a few weeks ago.DS is 7/12 and sensible.He stayed in bed until I came back.Was gone bout 20 minutes

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