aibu to leave 7.5yo home alone while I drop sibling to school?

[WhiffyBiffer]

My gut says it's ok but maybe I'm bu. 7.5yo is not well and I need to walk siblibg to school. I'd be half an hour. 7.5yo is sensible and I trust her to do as I say ie. Stay in bed. She can use the phone, I could phone and talk to her as I walk. What do you think?

[Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter]

ninared 60 children were killed and 2352 seriously injured on the roads in England alone in 2011 - a normal year.

You don't see that in the media because it happens all the time, unlike the shocking cases you refer to that hit headlines very occasionally by comparison. Road accidents are the leading cause of death for children and of spinal injury, loss of limbs and head injuries. 2/3 of the deaths are to pedestrians killed by cars.

Statistically the OP's child would have been safer in bed than walking to school with her mum.

Of course it depends on circumstances and should be risk assessed (as I referred to in my earlier post) but your post is based on emotion not any kind of logic.

Doing things that make your life awkward and your children's lives uncomfortable doesn't automatically make you a better parent - sometimes the difficult option is the better one, sometimes it isn't (no need to take the difficult route of gathering wood and rubbing 2 sticks together to light a fire - go ahead and take the easy way out, just switch the heating on :o ).

Allofthe sorry, you didn't predict a horrible death - somebody usually does though :o If I broke my risk a 15 minute walk from home I wouldn't want my ill child sitting in the cold with me either, though of course it would be better than him or her witnessing my death under the wheels of a car. If I should be delayed my child at home can call me, and if I am incapacitated and don't answer they can call one of several other people, or if necessary pop to one of several neighbours houses. If I broke my wrist I would have to contact somebody to take the children anyway, whether they were with me or at home... easier to call one of several neighbors who wouldn't even have to get in the car to go and get them, and then call DH to set off for home...

Obviously if the child is so clueless they'd just hang around the house wondering what to do they are not ready to be left - but if they've got anything about them you've built up to leaving them gradually over time they won't be remotely thrown off by needing to call one of the well known people who can help - dad, grandparent, neighbour etc.

[Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter]

Nateleejah exactly.

[Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter]

*wrist not risk, Freudian slip!

[BeautifulLiar]

I'm hoping to be able to do this in the not too distant future, say if I have to nip out for nappies or milk. I'll have four DC by the time DS1 is 7.5 and he'd much rather be at home than squashed in between his sisters in the car.

[shutupandshop]

Too young

[Clobbered]

Too young. NSPCC advice is that kids under 12 are rarely old mature enough to be left alone. Could you ask a neighbour to sit with 7 yr old, or get another parent to collect your other child? Get a taxi and take a round trip with both kids? Bundle 7.5 yr old into a pushchair for the walk (I've done this!). Whisper it....keep the other one off school too until some other option becomes available?
Chances are the 7 yo would be absolutely fine, but can you take the risk of that 1/1000 chance of something happening to them, or you while you are out? I think you would get crucified if it did all go wrong.

[ShelaghTurner]

Mine is nearly 8 and I wouldn't leave her on her own. But then I got my arse handed to me by some mums at the school for letting her go into little Tescos on her own to buy bananas while I was parked right outside the doors waiting.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

A sensible child for half an hour, I can't see the problem at all.

I've not had to, but I am confident DD1 would be absolutely fine in the same situation, she knows never to open the front door unless we tell her to,can operate the phone and knows where the keys are if she needs to get out if there was a, frankly unlikely, fire etc.

nina

[5madthings]

Good posts by ilovemyoldusername


Some of the nspcc advice is odd given 12 yr old have been st high school for over a year and going to and from school alone on public transport, maybe leaving the house after parents who have to go to work or coming home to an empty house after school until parents arrive home. Oddly there isn't provision for after school childcare really for kids of high school age.


I can leave my ten year old happily for a good hour or so. As others have said re starting younger with short times and building up.

We cycle two miles to school,my ten year old can go to and from school on his own and does, but I need to take my four yr old and would leave my 7 yr old if he was off school providing he wasn't puking, didn't have very high temp.

Lol at go in the car being quicker, traffic means car journey will take longer than cycling or walking.

[gabsdot]

My DD is 8 and I sometimes leave her by herself when I go to collect DH from work, usually I'm gone about 20 mins. It's easier than bringing her woth me because she complains so much. She's watching TV so doesn't even notice I'm gone.
She's my youngest though and I wouldn't have left DS at home at that age an he wouldn't have stayed home alone.
People have lots of different opinions though. My friend leaves her baby asleep at home while she collects her other child from school. She lives next door to the school but still could be gone for 10 mins. I wouldn't have done that.

[ofallthenerve]

My friend leaves her baby asleep at home while she collects her other child from school.

I know someone who once went out for dinner while her baby slept at home. She gave the baby monitor to her next door neighbour so if he woke up he wouldn't be alone. Was something I felt very uncomfortable hearing. Wouldn't do it myself in a hundred years.

[Palomb]

A baby is different to a seven year old. I'd have no problem leaving a sensible seven and a half year old on their own for twenty minutes to half an hour or so. I have left my ten and almost 7 year old at home while I've popped to the shop.

[Palomb]

Nspcc? 12 years old? Aren't most children fending for themselves almost at 12?

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

If you live in Britain, you will be considered neglectful by the majority of people.

If you live in Germany, you will be considered normal by the majority of people.

They have a totally different attitude to us here. My German friends are astonished and incredulous about our mollycoddling. Most German children are walking to school by about 6 years old, often as a school policy.

I would imagine your DD will be fine.

[Chrysanthemum5]

I know you took her in the end but I would have left her at home. If she's ill enough to be off then I wouldn't have taken her out. Having said that with dc1 I would have been more nervous I didn't leave him on his own until he was almost 9, dc2 I would leave now she's 8 but she's not comfortable on her own so I don't.

[missymayhemsmum]

Seems like the least worst option, to be honest, if you can't pull in a favour and ask someone else to walk the other one to school.

[Frida0608]

I wouldn't as my 7 year old would freak out. But some of his peers I'm sure would be fine. I would phone on the way back.

with my son though when he has been ill and i have to get the little one to the childminders I jump in a taxi all together. Is that an option?

[mrtwitsglasseye]

I have done this. A good friend who works in child protection has also done it, discussed it with colleagues and they all thought it was ok. My child's teacher is a friend and she knows I've done it, also thinks it is ok. We are not half an hour away though, gone about 15 mins on average.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

A bit young IMO. I didn't leave my eldest until he was just 9, the two of them together at 10 and nearly 8.

I also live in Germany and while i do now view UK attitudes to this sort of thing as distinctly overprotective (am a bit WTF? about the NSPCC 12yo thing), I haven't quite gone native. I'm still only allowing my 8yo to come part of the way home from school by himself - we will work up to all the way over the course of the year.
There's German case law which considers a 4yo being left in a playground for a couple of hours and only checked on occasionally fine (it was about liability for something the child had damaged IIRC).

[Janeymoo50]

When I lived in the same cul de sac as my elderly aunt, I left a six year old daily for roughly 10 mins as I popped to check her, check she had taken tablets and swapped her dirty clothes for clean for me to wash. 95% of the time she was still sat on the same chair watching to, once she came to the front door (which I always left open) as the phone rang and once she spilt a whole litre of milk pouring herself a drink. I did this for nearly a year at 4pm each day. This child was fine (wouldn't have done it with an under 5 though, once they are in Y1/2 they are so much more "grown up" in a way.

[Crackerjack9]

No, I don't think that's ok at all. Sorry x

[Hairyfairy01]

As long as your dd was comfortable being left and not feeling / being sick then I would. My 8 year old ds is on his own for 1 1/2 hours after school once a week. Depends on the child I guess.

[nightsky010]

Personally I couldn't imagine leaving DS alone until he was at least 10, but just to put some perspective on this, in the 40's & 50's it was normal to leave babies alone in the house if they were asleep, and to leave them outside shops. Children were also expected to walk miles to school by themselves or with friends from the age of about 6/7.

Very interesting how much attitudes have changed here but not in parts of Europe.

[Senpai]

YABU

7 is fine if everything goes smoothly and nothing unexpected happens.

But if something unexpected happens like and emergency, they're too young to have the responsibility of making high stakes decisions to keep them safe.