So she just gets away with it.

[PaleBlueDot]

DP & I have had an awful 3 weeks.
His ex-wife decided that he was no longer having contact with his 3 kids.
They have lived with us one week on, one week off for 2 years.

It started when DP couldn't collect them earlier (for genuine reasons) to enable her to go to a show. She told DP that because of his unreasonable behaviour in collecting the kids he would not see them at all!

DP went to collect as normal and the children had been shipped off to her mothers.
Her new husband gave him a barrage of abuse 'I'm a better dad than you' etc etc

DP came home from this and sobbed his heart out. And has been crying a lot lately due to missing his kids.

Of course we spoke to a solicitor who wrote to ex-wife. But for 3 weeks she has kept DP from seeing the boys - he has not been allowed to go round, has not been allowed to collect them for extra-curricular stuff, no phonecalls, nothing.

Me and DP being msierable, DD constantly asking where her 'brothers' are and me having to explain that they are spending time with mummy and will be home one day soon.

So yesterday, a message comes out the blue that DP can collect this weekend and all to go back to week on week off as normal!

We are of course over the moon and cannot wait to see them.

I cannot believe what she has put us through these past weeks, no apology, no explanation and now all must go back to normal because she has seen fit to 'allow' DP to see his kids.

We have made a payment on account (£500) at the solicitors, and they have only used 1.5 hours. We should have got 8 hours. I suggested using the remaining to get something formal in writing so that she couldn't pull another stunt like this, but DP says No, he doesn't want to rock the boat!

So she can whip the kids away any moment, I try to pick up the pieces and then it's all lovely again. Who can live like this?

AIBU to be a little peeved?

Sorry op, will stop thread jacking now.

I agree with TheTigerIsOut.

I would suggest you invite them to mediation with the intention to make things work. This could be a good opportunity for both parties to express their needs and concerns and a good environment to draw an agreement for contact, that could be later formalised in court.

You need a court order. What the court signs off on should be agreed upon by both parties.

You need detailed arrangements to deal with inability to pick up, deadlines, acceptable alternative arrangements and deadlines for asking for changes to the schedule (e.g. if DP can't pick up the boys early so that exP can get to the dentist, then he can pick them up from her mother's house at the usual pick up time, and notice of the dentist appointment plus request to p/u earlier should be conveyed at least five days in advance..)

Another one advocating a court order as the only way to ensure this doesn't keep happening or that you end up at her beck and call for fear that it might. We didn't see DSC for over 6 months at one stage because DH was too ill to see them on one occasion. The doc had given him really strong antibiotics and they'd literally knocked him out, he genuinely wasn't in any fit state to look after children and certainly couldn't have driven to fetch them. The ex cut all contact and insisted we go through a solicitor, we missed both DSC's birthdays and Christmas that year and spent a fortune on solicitors advice and letters only for the ex to suddenly back down and allow contact again when we had a court date and were all ready to proceed. How I wish we had gone ahead now, this was years ago and she's had us over a barrel ever since, everything has been on her terms and we've bent over backwards to make sure she didn't stop contact again for the past 10 years. They're grown up now and come to see us independently thank god but please don't make the same mistakes we did OP, it's been tough to say the least and we felt held to ransom all those years. You all need some time for things to settle after what's happened these last few weeks but I would strongly advise you look into what you would need to do, cost etc of getting a formal, court ordered arrangement set up to protect DP's contact. Get all the info together and then approach DP when the dust has settled and see if you can convince him. You will both live in fear of it happening again otherwise and that would be horribly insecure for you and your other DC's, that's not fair on any of you and I know from experience how horrible it is. Good luck

You can't do that peggyunderthecrackers - that is using the poor child as the pawn in your disagreements.
The child needs come first. If the mother is being difficult and poisoning minds the child will eventually see that- although unfortunately it may take a few years.
The strength in the father is putting the child first. He needs the formal court order.

we are also in this situation and my step daughters are very much victims of parental alienation as much as my dp. We have been trying to get things back on track via a family therapist who has basically told us we have no chance his xw has too much influence over them and they are too far gone and completely brainwashed to 'protect mum'. wtf? at 8 and 12!
Its awful my poor dp is gutted and we have to tow a very very fine line to keep her as sweet as possible so she doesnt bad mouth us and stop the girls coming.
Can't believe how many people on here are in the same boat. So sorry for you op I know the heart ache its absolute child abuse never mind how it affects the adults and step siblings...horrible parenting.