I have NC'd for this as it's massively identifying.
Long background to this, will try to sum it up briefly.
DBro had an affair, 18 months ago, SIL found out. I was there when the confrontation happened between them. This seemed to bring me in to the argument when I would rather have been nowhere near! DB made all sorts of excuses, said it was a one night stand. Kept stringing SIL on for a while, until she realised he was still seeing OW and then filed for divorce. They have been divorced for a couple of month now.
A few weeks ago I found out via the scan picture on facebook that DB and OW are expecting a baby. I was a little upset that he didn't bother telling me himself, but he doesn't really contact me at all lately, so wasn't that surprised.
I messaged my congratulations to him. He messaged back something along the lines of "Thanks, at least you're pleased for me. Unlike our selfish mother". I called my mum and it turns out that she also found out via facebook and couldn't understand why he wouldn't tell her she had another grandchild on the way.
A few days later, my immediate family all got a text from DB inviting us to his wedding. It's the first week of January, 250 miles away from where we all live (including DB) on a Thursday. DM is really upset as she can't take any time off work that soon after christmas. She explained that to DB and he said if she was a 'proper' mother that she'd do whatever she could to be there. She said if it was the weekend then of course she'd come.
I have also had to decline. My DD is starting nursery that week, I will be with her for her settling in sessions. DH can't take time off of work so soon after Christmas. DS has SN and the first few weeks of any term are extremely important for settling him back in to his routine and I'm not willing to risk messing that up. I also will find it extremely hard to afford to travel that far 2 weeks after Christmas.
DB is now refusing to speak to me. According to him I am as selfish as my mother and I obviously just don't agree with the wedding so I'm not going to go.
That's not true at all, they are getting married and having a baby. It's obviously more than a one night stand! Ultimately, I just want him to be happy. My opinion on how their relationship started is irrelevant.
I should probably also point out that none of us have met DB's Fiancée. Even though I have asked many times and even arranged a close family night out, which they didn't turn up to.
Well done if you got this far! I'm feeling guilty now, I don't know if maybe I should try to figure out a way to go or not?
AIBU?
To not go to this wedding? (Long)
Belfalas · 24/11/2015 11:22
OP this sounds awful! Poor you and your poor mum! I know he's your brother and you will naturally want to defend him, but OWomen don't perform 'personality transplants' on anyone. He made some incredibly selfish and cruel decisions. He is saying nasty things about his own mother to other relatives (is that right)? What a cuntish way to behave all round. 
for you.
I hope you can all salvage your relationship at some point as I think you want to, but for now I would do no chasing. You have done nothing wrong - he has massively.
Sorry op but your db sounds like a bloody horrible person! Quite apart from the bit about the affair he's being TOTALLY unreasonable to put on his parts because family can't attend a Thursday wedding halfway across the country in the first week of January! As for his dismissive comments about your children 
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