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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend is annoyed over my non attendance at her party

82 replies

Daisysbear · 23/11/2015 13:59

A friend of mine is celebrating a big birthday next month and is having a party on Boxing Day (big afternoon affair). As a family we traditionally get together on this day, have a nice meal and take the children to the local pantomime i. It's something we've done for years, ever since the older grandchildren (now in their twenties) were tiny. I don't want to miss it, particularly as my parents are getting older and I'm really conscious that our Christmasses together won't go on forever.
So I've turned down her invite and suggested I take her out for a meal in January instead. Apparently she's really annoyed with me and thinks I could miss our family tradition for one year.
AIBU to think, if you arrange a party for a day so close to Christmas, you have to expect that a lot of people will have family things they are obliged to, or would prefer to, attend?

OP posts:

OpenDoorAsshole · 23/11/2015 16:03

So her bday isnt even on the 26th, shes having a get together with HER family yet expects YOU to break YOUR family tradition?

Tell her to get fucked.

A "friend" like her is a self centred cunt. You are better off without such ilk in your life.

patientzero · 23/11/2015 16:03

I was going to say YANBU but as someone with a Boxing Day birthday I do feel a little sorry for your friend.... Then I saw that her birthday isn't actually on Boxing Day at all and decided she's a bit silly.

I hope you enjoy your day with your family OP

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2015 16:12

Well I rescind my slightly U and instate a YADNBU. Silliness!

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 23/11/2015 16:12

What?! It's not even her birthday that day? Or even anywhere near that day?

Ah she's just taking the piss. OP YANBU (and I was all set to say couldn't you be a bit more flexible)

maybemyrtle · 23/11/2015 16:15

My brother's birthday is the 17th and every year without fail more people forget it than remember. I wonder if the same happens to her (not necessarily you forget, but maybe everyone else?) and this year she took an "if you can't beat them, join them" approach and tried to tack her bday on to Xmas, instead of being overshadowed by it? Obviously it's backfired and I don't think YABU at all but I do have some sympathy with her.

onecurrantbun1 · 23/11/2015 17:29

YANBU and I expect you will be one of many to not attend. Perhaps she was thinking that people (school friends who've moved away etc) will be around locally on Boxing Day, and people generally have the day off, so it'd be easy for people to attend?

However with Boxing Day falling on a Saturday I would be inclined to suggest the family get together on the Sunday 27th if you haven't already got tickets anyway. This wouldn't be for everyone though - our family is pretty small and no one really cares about specific dates. We sometimes have "Christmas" on different dates across the festive period and birthdays are usually celebrated within a month either side, whenever we're free.

lorelei9 · 23/11/2015 17:43

I was fully prepared to be sympathetic to your friend because I thought her actual birthday was the Boxing Day and that it must be horrible to have it on that day because people would never make a big deal of your birthday.

if it's in the second week, I think she is being a bit crazy tbh. She may have thought Boxing Day would be easier than pre-Xmas but surely it's a case of different strokes - some would have preferred before and some after.....

I would have said that you can do your family thing on the 27th and I suppose you still can - but it seems a very odd choice that she has made in doing this.

Groovee · 23/11/2015 17:59

I have a birthday in December, it's crap. I always try to make an effort to go to them, but Boxing Day is a family day here and we wouldn't be rushing to go, especially when her birthday is earlier in the month when people could have made an effort.

DamnBamboo · 23/11/2015 18:03

YANBU OP.

One of my DS has a birthday very close to Christmas and he gets a lot of this already. Family and Christmas generally go together and she's being a bit silly for getting annoyed!

AyeAmarok · 23/11/2015 18:16

YANBU at all! We also have BD traditions and I absolutely would not miss it, especially not for someone whose birthday isn't actually on Boxing Day, but just thought it would be a good day to have it.

It may well be for her, and some of her friends, but not everyone. She should absolutely understand that.

If she'd not thrown her toys out of the pram I'd say try and call in after your panto. Since she's being so unreasonable I'd be tempted not to bother.

summerainbow · 23/11/2015 19:09

OMG I have December birthday and yes it is a pain . and hate when I go out there is always a Christmas do . So I stay home and make the kids come round. and cook something nice now is bonus as there is loads of party things in shops.
surely if she want a party then new year would be better. or 27 28. as Monday is the bank holiday and lots will be off then.

bostonkremekrazy · 23/11/2015 19:18

my dd birthday is the 27th - and we pull it forward 2 weeks to not inconvenience people over Christmas!.......for her to organise a boxing day party for a birthday mid-december is just madness!!!!

YADNBU

enjoy the panto - we go every year too - we book our tickets in january for the following year as we go to the new years eve matinee :)

BackforGood · 23/11/2015 19:20

Of course YANBU.
I suspect, as already suggested, that a lot of people have turned down the invitation for similar reasons and she's cross about the fact her plans aren't coming to fruition rather than at you personally.
If you choose to hold a 'do' on Boxing Day though, you must surely know that a lot of people will have family plans or traditions on that day.
Even more so now you've said that Boxing Day isn't her actual birthday.

manicinsomniac · 23/11/2015 19:26

YANBU

Friends are at least as important to me as family but boxing day is indisputably a family day. It's far more eventful and fun than Christmas day itself in my family.

PiperChapstick · 23/11/2015 19:28

Who the chuff arranges a birthday party on Boxing Day and expects everyone they invite to attend

Jhm9rhs · 23/11/2015 19:44

YANBU. If she thinks many people will be able to make Boxing Day, I think she may be disappointed.

CFSsucks · 23/11/2015 19:47

YANBU, your family and traditions should come first. I'd love to have a long standing tradition like this. Plus I hate change to plans anyway so it would be a definite no no from me anyway. It's a stupid idea. Did she really think most people would drop what they were doing to celebrate her birthday on a day that is traditionally spent with family and she doesn't even have the excuse that it is her actual birthday.

DisappointedOne · 23/11/2015 22:01

As if having a birthday at Christmas wasn't shitty enough, now the friend IBU for wanting a party to celebrate a big birthday?

lorelei9 · 23/11/2015 23:00

Disappointed, did you see the later post explaining the actual birthday isn't on Boxing Day?

jorahmormont · 23/11/2015 23:07

Disappointed no, she IBU for wanting to celebrate her mid-December birthday on Boxing Day

Stormtreader · 24/11/2015 10:52

I notice she has arranged the party with enough time left to get her family stuff in as well, so shes still having hers while expecting you to give up yours.

specialsubject · 24/11/2015 11:17

invite not summons.

also don't get 'big birthday'. Ignored mine.

LineyReborn · 24/11/2015 11:24

I wouldn't want my children to miss a pantomime so they can watch me eat a canapé.

expatinscotland · 24/11/2015 14:39

'As if having a birthday at Christmas wasn't shitty enough, now the friend IBU for wanting a party to celebrate a big birthday?'

Her birthday is the second week in December, not Boxing Day.

Don't get all this 'big birthday' shite, either, special. Whoopdeeshit. It's just a day.

Some people never grow up.

Glad you're not going, OP.

squoosh · 24/11/2015 14:42

I don't mind 'big birthday' celebrations as long as the person celebrating doesn't have any diva like demands.

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