To limit my son's screentime?

[Emmasheenan]

I've always felt pretty confident as a parent, gone with my gut. But I'm starting to freak out about whether I'm doing to right thing! I've always limited screen time with my DS, now 8, and almost everyone I know does that - saves it for a reward or an occasional treat.
Then my SIL posts this to my wall
lulastic.co.uk/parenting/10-things-that-are-worse-for-your-child-than-playing-on-the-ipad/ And now I'm like
We are a Steiner family, love nature, always felt okay about limiting but now I feel like I need to change whole philosophy??!
What do you do with screen time?

We limit screen time. Less so now for eldest (12). But he was obsessed and would have been on it solidly, done nothing else, never spoken to us, never gone out and not seen his friends. As he's got older he's learnt to balance it out a little himself and appears to understand where we're coming from. Now we're going through the same thing with dd (6) ....

OP you will have to get used to the fact that limiting the amount if time your children spend watching tele or playing computer games is tantamount to abuse in some people's eyes.

You need to make the right choices for your family and ignore everyone else.

the fuck is a 'steiner' family?

I limit screen time

When ds is on the iPad he becomes totally absorbed I prefer him to use his own imagination to play. He will moan sometimes but then goes off to find something to do

No screens in his bedroom

Ime, if you tell a child, "no TV" the little lawyers that they are will argue a convincing case about how they weren't watching 'tv' because it was iplayer on the phone. (maybe it was just my children?) Using the term screen time stopped those 'discussions', so I for one will keep it - until anything better comes along.

My 8 yo would sit in front of a screen constantly if allowed. He gets 20 mins a day otherwise he's unsociable and moody.

We limit screen time. They can use them after school until dinner, but no screens on a Friday. Weekends still none after dinner but they are out a lot in the day. They are older now (17,15,13, 10) so do use their computers for homework.

The 'limits' were originally invented years ago by the dcs when they were small when I asked them what they thought was reasonable- but they have never asked to change them. Sometimes I forget it's Friday and wonder why they are all so chatty before dinner.

I think having some limits encourages the whole family to find balance and do other things.

I also think unlimited sweets, chocolate, biscuits. sugary drinks, crisps etc is not good and don't buy them usually.

I know many parents who limit screen time, especially when they are little and not attending full time school, so not just an MN thing.

When the children get to school, tv can be good for letting them unwind, but so can playing in their bedroom/with toys.

Do what you feel is best, ignore any posts criticising your parenting, but equally, if you want to make small changes to what you do, don't worry about it. I had lots of lovely ideas about how I would raise my dc. It has changed, but I'm relaxed enough to let go of the angst, and make compromises on what suits them and me.

Mine are 7 and 10 and both autistic, and most of their obsessions just now are based on tech. We have the TV on all day, the kids barely notice it, unless they've picked the show. I used to limit screentime, but nowadays as long as they've done their homework, done any chores I've asked, and are generally responsive, they get to do what they want, which is generally tablet/ds based.

Ooh yes maybe it was the straw that bike the camels back!!!

This is insightful, thank you

I guess anther dynamic, hearing from you families with loads of kids, is that I sometimes feel sorry for my son, having been no sibling s. Perhaps it is okay to limit when there are always people to play with. My son must get so lonely, I am relieved by the idea of lifting the limits, if I am honest with myself, because it might make his childhood more fun? And less work for me.

'Partnering', 'rewilding'.... The horrors of learning latin and algebra...

What a load of twaddle.

We haven't a TV, that means no arguments over any screen time as there's none!

We are an outdoorsy sporty family but we have the to on a LOT at home. We are never home all day or even the majority of any day but if we've been out and come back in and warmed up we will put the tv on. Dh and I both have iPhones and iPads and let ds use them whenever he asks tbh.
I am happy with our approach so far which is more about encouraging/enforcing an amount of non-screen activity rather than limiting screen time.

Why are people so rude about Steiners?

One of my friends is an Anthroposophist (Steiner) and it is not a big massive deal, just a way of life, a different life philosophy.

FWIW, I limit my kids' "screen time" as otherwise they would not come off the blasted things all weekend.

They are on it for hours anyway, but enough is enough.

In my view screens and computer games are fine, but like everything, too much is not good for anyone.

Same way that I limit sugar (without banning it)

A bit of moderation, coupled with a bit of open mindedness about other people's parenting, how about that?

People have been rude about quite a lot in this thread- I'm learning that is just the MN way?
Like the idea that being generally outdoorsy is enough- I could lift all our limit and still be okay.
The bit rhT really hit me in h article was about "loving the things they love" I so want to do that!

I think limiting screen time & technology to what you feel comfortable with is fine at the moment.

However, my DH grew up in a Steiner family & had a strong interest in science & technology. It was only when he persuaded his parents to let him move schools at GCSE level he excelled & got a good degree from a redbrick uni & is now an IT specialist.

Please don't limit your DCs potential due to your reasons for wanting a Steiner education.

Your son doesn't need to be lonely if he has friends and parents, not everyone with siblings finds them to be playmates
buy him an Xbox live subscription and he'll never be lonely again as he plays with all his online buddies

Sorry for not reading whole thread but your SIL has posted you an article an it's sent you into a paroxysm of self-doubt. Have some confidence and stick to your guns! It's up to you how you bring up your children. You're doing nothing wrong. I let my children have no computer or iPad and we only watch DVDs. No biggie. YABU for doubting yourself! About the screen time - who cares? And who cares what other people do either.

I think the whole 'screen time' debate really depends on the children. Some could watch TV a lot but still play wonderful imaginitive games whereas, for others, I do think it limits their creativity.

When my foster children first came to live with us I wasn't keen on screen time but they didn't know how to play and I would have to be leading activities from the minute they woke up until they went to bed. Which was exhausting. So more screen time gradually crept in and it did keep them occupied, but it became the only thing they wanted to do when in the house - either play on the computer, watch TV or watch a film. And I was worried that they still weren't learning to play.

So a few months ago we banned all screens during the week during term time. Now when they get home they play with their toys, or make crafts or something. And they are playing much, much better. It is more or less unlimited on weekends and holidays but I have noticed that some days they do something else instead of just asking for a screen. Plus we go out quite a bit.

When I look back on my childhood there was a definite balance. Quite a lot of TV but also lots of playing, and I think I turned out ok.

I'm with pinotblush, "screen time" us utter bollocks and I know no one in real life who gives two hoots how much time their DC spend on gadgets or watching TV.

I don't police my DD's use, she us allowed to use her iPad whenever she wants and tends to use it for an hour or two broken up throughout the day, interspersed with playing with her toys and craft stuff. I really don't see anything wrong with this.

I imagine the majority of us grew up watching TV before school, after school, films on all day if at home on a Saturday, and are we a generation of damaged underachievers?! No, thought not.

I think it varies with each child. My ds becomes a complete arse if he has too much screen time - he is rude and angry and just not nice to be around. We have to limit his access or he would be impossible to live with. When he is completely banned for whatever reasons, he is a different person - happy, interested in other stuff, just lovely.
Whatthefreakinwhatnow I do not know anyone in RL who does not control the amount of screen time their kids have.

What - no we didn't have a TV growing up until I was 15 either so disnt get used to watching out of habit. Dh and I never bought a TV when we move din together years ago as didn't see the need and figured we could buy when needed which hasn't happen yet. Dh is an IT specialist so no TV at home didn't restrict him, he didn't use a computer until mid teens but that was mainly at school, bought laptop when he started uni for work ( they had just come out )