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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you should only call or text after a certain time in an emergency??

60 replies

Fruityb · 21/11/2015 09:52

My brother and sister seem to have no concept of time. Particularly my brother who forgets everyone works when he's off and decided to call me at 9.45pm to tell me about his holiday. On a Tuesday. When I go to bed at 10... which he knows... a phone call with my brother is never quick. I have been known not to answer when I've seen his name as I know I don't have at least an hour spare.

My phone pinged last night at just before 11pm. Yes I know it was Friday but I'm so exhausted on Friday nights I like to go to bed with a film and nod off. It was a totally trivial thing she didn't need to text me about that could have waited but it was enough to send my heart rate sky high wondering what the hell it was and why it was arriving so late.

I don't call people after 9 and will avoid texting where possible. Does anyone else do this or am I old school?

OP posts:
OrchardDweller · 21/11/2015 10:43

We leave our phones in the kitchen in the evenings and overnight. If it's an emergency then we do have a landline that we can be contacted on.

RachelZoe · 21/11/2015 10:43

You needed a spatula to scrape me off the ceiling when I was woken up last night and when I saw what the message was I nearly threw my phone at the wall!

Is there some history here that makes you think a late night text would automatically be bad news? Do you have anxiety or similar?

A call late at night, I get that, but a text? Just ignore it until the morning.

In my circle of friends/family/work we just text or message each other whenever, nobody expects an immediate read and response, it's more a stream of communication that we pick up and drop.

SevenSeconds · 21/11/2015 10:44

I wouldn't call late (except in an emergency) but I'd text at any time. I assume everyone switches their phone off / on silent over night.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2015 10:44

I don't think I'd call after 10 but out wouldn't cross my mind not to text. I assume people will have phone on silent or DND.

I don't think 9:45 is an unreasonable time to call a sibling btw and yes, I think 10 o'clock is an early bedtime for an adult.

MissTwister · 21/11/2015 10:45

I wouldn't call just for a chat anytime after 8 - it's the evening unwind after that

And do not disturb is your friend here!

BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2015 10:46

Well if you're not allowed to call after 8 I'd never speak to anyone. I'm at work all day. Then I assume 6-8 is kid- wrangling / dinner time. When do I call my friends for a chat then?

HoobleDooble · 21/11/2015 10:47

My DM was responsible for me unplugging (and throwing away) the upstairs extension for our landline. She knew it was on my bedside table, right next to DS's crib, and would phone me for some non-urgent reason most nights just when I was settling DS 'because she knew I'd be in at that time' Hmm.

After 3 occasions of DS being woken up by this, it was goodbye to the telephone in a hormone-enhanced rage [anger]

DisappointedOne · 21/11/2015 10:54

We are night owls here. DH never silences his phone (habit from years of working on call 24/7). He has a relative abroad - 2 hours ahead - who is an early bird and often sends texts at 5am when they wake up (7am there). Drives me potty.

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2015 11:00

I was all set to say YANBU

Until you mentioned you have a 'do not disturb' function, but aren't using it.

hollinhurst84 · 21/11/2015 11:02

Depends doesn't it really. I work shifts, people text me at all hours because I'm usually awake! So text came through last night at 2.45am
Doesn't bother me, I use do not disturb if I'm asleep

GruntledOne · 21/11/2015 11:04

I wouldn't get my heart rate up because a text came in at 11, because on the face of it if there were a real emergency surely people wouldn't text, they'd phone. If anything if you want to communicate with someone after 9 it makes sense to text so that the other person can deal with it whenever is convenient for them.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 21/11/2015 11:05

Why not just put your phone on silent?! Your alarm will still work.

Borninthe60s · 21/11/2015 11:07

Switch the phone off or onto VIP only. You don't have to answer or read!!

DingbatsFur · 21/11/2015 11:08

I think you need to be better at managing your technology.
Just turn notifications off and set it to do not disturb.
Problem solved.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2015 11:10

And your DB and sil do have a concept of time. It's just different to yours.

Djelibeyb · 21/11/2015 11:11

I wouldn't call after about 9.30/10.00 unless urgent but would think nothing of a text like "X has had a baby" as I'd assume they would want to wake up to the news and would dnd/silence the phone at night.

Most people I know go to bed at 11.00 at earliest. Before 10.30 I consider early.

Oakmaiden · 21/11/2015 11:18

Only after 9pm in an emergency. Except my mother, who I know is up til the wee small hours so doesn't mind. And we have family in Australia and New Zealand and the time difference means sometimes phone calls end up being at odd hours for one of us.

Original poster
Fruityb · 21/11/2015 11:27

Can I just confirm it made me jump as I had just fallen asleep so it was more wake up shock than anything.

Interesting. Maybe I'm just a dormouse who enjoys sleeping lol. I think it's a thing from school I've always considered after 9 late for a phone call and trivial texts can wait.

Do not disturb it is!

OP posts:
nicestrongtea · 21/11/2015 11:58

10pm is not early to go to bed !
Particularly if you are a shift worker who gets up at 5/6.
No way is anything disturbing my sleep, phone is always on silent after 9pm.
landline for emergencies

Timri · 21/11/2015 12:30

Late phone calls - No
Late texts messages - Couldn't care less.
Many people text late, as opposed to calling so you can reply at your leisure.

usual · 21/11/2015 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLambShankRedemption · 21/11/2015 12:48

I think YABU regarding the text message. It is entirely possible that the person sent it earlier but due to phones going in and out of signal/hold ups with the phone company etc, the recipient doesn't always get it instantly. Your reaction seems a bit OTT to read. YABU not to use the do no disturb function at night if you know this is a problem for you.

YANBU regarding the call if the caller knew that you go to bed at 10pm. Next time you speak to them, why don't you mention that you don't take calls after 9 (although I'd likely say 8pm if they are normally on the phone for an hour.)

ohtheholidays · 21/11/2015 12:59

YANBU we don't phone anyone after 9(except oldest 2 DS's if they're out) unless it's an emergency.

andantecantabile · 21/11/2015 13:34

The mother of one of my students regularly texts me at 1am. Usually I have my phone on silent but if I wake up in the night I can see the little message light blinking. Drives me crackers!

19lottie82 · 21/11/2015 13:39

This really confuses me. If people don't like being woke up by text alerts then put your phone on silent when you go to sleep. I do!