to go and put my child in the car til they stop screaming?

[hotlinesling]

DS is 8. He has always been needy and clingy when at home - he'll follow me round the house, wait outside the door while I go to the toilet, won't go upstairs alone etc. For the past few weeks he's been making a real fuss at bedtime. He'll be absolutely fine and happy all day, receive plenty of positive attention and then bam - as I take him up to bed his lip starts quivering and he starts literally wailing. He will say he can't sleep because of x, y, z reasons (yesterday he was 'scared of his radiator'. Seriously.) This is usually before he's even tried to sleep. His bedtime is 9.15 and he's up at 7.15 so I'm not trying to send him off too early. During the day and out and about he's actually extremely confident and independent.

I'll reassure him but he usually just wails and screams and won't talk back. I then put consequences in but his wailing gets louder and louder. I have two younger dc so he's disrupting the entire house. Tonight he started wailing saying he won't sleep because there's too many police cars making noise; we heard one ten minutes earlier when brushing teeth. I reasoned with him briefly then said goodnight and left. He started screaming and wailing. I returned and explained the consequences of him continuing (losing ipad time and football practice tomorrow) and then left again. He is whimpering and wailing now and building himself up to start being extremely loud and I feel like saying I'll go and sit him in the car til he's quiet if he continues. DH is in the house if the others wake. Aibu?

have considered SEN but I don't really know what exactly I think it could be.

Then go to the GPs and ask.

My 8yo goes to bed at 7 unless he has football training. He could not go to bed at 9. Suggest bringing his bedtime forward...

Agree this is not normal for this age, but at a loss for what to suggest, but you have had some good advice here.

I also agree this is a late bedtime for a child that age, and he could be over-tired. You could try an ealier bed time. Also recommend no screen time (tv/device/phone) for an hour before bed, and DEFINITELY no screen in the bedroom.

I'd recommend the controlled crying they recommend for babies. I.e Wait 1 minute, then go to bedroom door, open it but don't go in and say "I'm here, I love you, go to sleep" (repeat after 2 minutes, five minutes, 10 minutes, etc. Reassure, but don't go into bedroom, don't physically touch).

I run parenting courses, so here are two phrases from them: "if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got" so if you want something different, DO something different. And "the behaviour we give attention to is the behaviour we get", so focus and give attention (preferably good attention) to the behaviour you want.

Good luck!

Can you read to him in bed, then let him listen to audio stories in bed while you put the others to sleep. You can promise to come and see him afterwards.

Do you think he is frightened of things? I was aged 7. In which case maybe you could offer to sit in the doorway while he nods off

Can you start bedtime earlier? Put the others to bed but make some quiet time with him in his room tucked up.

My 8 year old goes to bed at 7.30

I'd agree with those suggesting you see your gp and have a look at the possibility of SEN, particularly given your daughter is going through assessment. My ds has Aspergers and some of this sounds familiar, particularly the clingyness when at home, love of routines at home, not really playing alone inside etc. Not saying that's what it is (especially if he's socially confident with other children) but it sounds like he has some of the characteristics so worth investigating and perhaps looking at strategies that work with Aspie children.

I have no doubt that this is frustrating for you. However, I was just like your son when I was little, and it wasn't attention seeking, it was that I was terrified. My Mum or Dad would have to lie with me until I fell asleep, constantly reassuring me that the house wouldn't catch fire / be burgled / that my Grandparents wouldn't die while I was asleep. They did this until I was about 5, after that they made it clear that I was to quietly go to bed and that they wouldn't 'indulge' me anymore. So by the time I was 8 I'd just lie there, quietly terrified, not able to sleep for hours, and waking up regularly in a panic about something bad happening. I'm still like this. If DP is gigging I'll doze on the sofa until he gets home, because I'm scared to go to bed alone. I often wake up and need to check that the toaster is unplugged, or that all the windows are closed, even though I know that they are. I also sometimes wake up screaming because I've had horrible dreams about the house going on fire, or being burgled and the burglar attacking us. Or the kittens dying, or anyone I love dying.

Essentially, I've suffered from extreme anxiety since I was a tiny child. Could this be the case with your son? Could you talk to your GP about counselling? I can't help but think that if my parents had dealt with my anxiety when I was four, I wouldn't have such massive problems with it now.

He is 8 perhaps he's stressed perhaps he's struggling with change because he is 8.

Oh and so you know SEN stands for special educational need sencos in primary school temd to be good at working out if there needs to be further investigation for that SN stands for special need and that would usually be a GP that kick starts that process

How was he today hotline?

Some of what you describe sounds like a lot of little boys. My 7 year old makes loud random noises he's so clumsy and can be quite irritating.

I really would at least try an earlier bedtime, I found that my ds couldn't just go to bed anymore. He needed to wind down in his room first.

When he's calm this afternoon you could tell him that you think he's a bit tired so he need to go to bed a bit earlier. Explain to him that he'll go up at 7.30 and that if he doesn't make a big fuss he gets to read/draw/play Lego on his bed until lights out.

Start his bath/teeth brushing nice and early, while he's in bed you can sort the other dc out then return to ds before lights out.

He's clingy, needy and won't be by himself? Sounds like he's either modelling his father's behaviour or maybe competing with him?

I read this thread without making the connection to your other threads about your husband constantly clamouring for attention from you, and refusing to collect his other daughter for contact.

I would be having a very hard look at what kind of behaviour he is modelling for his son. It may well be that your son's behaviour is a symptom of the family dynamic, rather than something individual to him. If he sees his father following you around demanding your constant affection then he may well think that he is in competition with him, and if his step-sister has suddenly disappeared from his life and he knows his father isn't seeing her anymore he may well be worried that this could happen to him.

Classic bedtime delay tactics. Dd1 -8 - used to be dreadful at this but is now much better.

We talked about how important sleep is. In the mornings after a good nights sleep we talk about that too.
The time for wanting drinks/food/special attention etc is before 7. Anything at bedtime will be considered a delay tactic. Any delay tactics are called out and ignored. If she is "upset" we will talk but that is about it. She would be pulling many strings if she could.

Think about an earlier bedtime? My 8yo goes to bed with her younger sister at 7.30. We read together and talk about stuff and then dd1 reads or writes etc unto light out at 9 or earlier if she is tired.

She is now pretty good at bedtimes 95% of the time and is much much happier. But it has taken a bit of work on my part.

(Of course XP indulges her every utterance and will often keep both children up very late tending to all these imagined issues they still have with him. It's all about him but he can't see that. But that is another issue. I've managed to create bedtime harmony for us all despite his fuckwittery. I just get 2 very tired children back after any time they spend with him).

My 8 year old can be a bit like this from time to time. At bedtime she can seem to be deliberately winding herself up about things because she's in the mood for it; but there something - a sort of intense, desperate stubbornness rather than mischief behind it.

Her bedtime is 8pm after a story from me. Usually until she falls asleep she draws quietly in the room she shares with her younger sister, istening to audiobooks on her ipod. However on bad nights she will chuck things around/scream and shout if she's overtired and angry; on those occasions I remove her and she goes to the study/spare room where she is still noisy but will eventually calm down and either fall asleep there, or quietly go back to her own room when she's ready to.

Have you tried putting him to bed earlier but with lights on and some pens or toys in bed. Dd used to make a fuss about going to bed and if I did lights off and left her she'd spend hours crying and making a fuss. Now I put her to bed 30 mins earlier and leave her with the lights on and some toys and she's normally asleep in 10 minutes. We have a rule though that once in bed she can play in bed only and leaving bed out of the question. It gives her a chance to unwind and fall asleep on her own terms.

Maybe your DS needs more quality time with you I the evening?