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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I am ENTITLED

35 replies

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 17:48

Very long story short.

I was abused physically and emotionally as a chilh.

I am an alcoholic now.

In terms of examples of verbal abuse I would be

A useless goofy toothed bitch
A useless cunt
A horrible bastard
A
Etc...

On the other hand people have apparently stated that I am

A genius
A beauty
The kindest person they have come across

I have struggled my whole fucking life.

Am I wrong to think that the state and my entire blooming family owe me a second chance at life?

I have attempted suicide approximately 100 times. I can't seem to combat alcohol.

I am so annoyed.

OP posts:

Original poster

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 17:55

And in terms of physical abuse it would be anything available including but not limited to

Fly swats
Hairbrush
Sweeping brush
Wendy house pipes?

Hand
Fist
Being kicked

OP posts:

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 17/11/2015 17:56

What would you like the state and your family to do for you?

ImperialBlether · 17/11/2015 18:01

I think you owe yourself a second chance. You know that if you stick at giving up alcohol you will feel a lot better and you'll be so much more healthy. You can't have a great life when you're an alcoholic - no-one can.

Are you seeing a counsellor now?

Original poster

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 18:02

Go back in time I suppose.

I know I need to accept the past and move on but I just feel so abandoned.

Ach. I'll get over it again. I just have some bad days.

OP posts:

Spl0ink · 17/11/2015 18:03

I'm sorry that happened to you.

What help would you like that you're not getting?

Original poster

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 18:03

Anyway. Back to jazz hands and happy face.

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 17/11/2015 18:04

Fuck the state, and your family, you deserve better.

Only you can give yourself your second chance.

You need treatment/counselling.

As imperial says, there's no such thing as a happy alcoholic.

I'm really sorry about the shitty start you had

mummymeister · 17/11/2015 18:11

more people than you realise have a shitty start in life. its those that can move beyond it that move on and up. are you still stuck in the past? thinking constantly about what has happened and blaming it for everything that goes wrong in the present? if so then you need some help, proper professional help, to move beyond this.

Original poster

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 18:11

I have had years of addiction counselling. I have been in and out of aa with limited success ie 3 months.
I have been in psychiatric hospital a few times for short periods ie a day or two as there is nothing psychiatricly wrong.

OP posts:

caroldecker · 17/11/2015 18:13

You are fully entitled - however, unfortunately, you need to take your entitlement rather than wait for it to be given.

There is help with alcoholism (here and elsewhere) look at the Dry thread.

Original poster

SoDiana · 17/11/2015 18:14

I agree. I just need to buck up.
Wallowing gets me nowhere ever lol.
Thanks guys

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2015 18:15

I'm sorry for your start in life.

You can give yourself a second start.

I assume you can be free from your family now?

KeepOnMoving1 · 17/11/2015 18:22

Sounds really tough you do deserve a second chance.

Youarentkiddingme · 17/11/2015 18:24

I agree with others you owe it to yourself to give yourself a second chance. It's very hard to move on until you let go of the past. You can't change it - but you can shape your own future.

Alcoholism can happen to anyone - you may or may not have been an alcoholic if your past had been different. It's usually related to addictive personalities - they belong to all walks of life.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 17/11/2015 18:29

I guess you need to decide what it is you want, where would you like to be in your life, you clearly have the support available for some of your issues, now is the time to reflect on what has worked, what hasn't, what could work in the future. make a plan for what more you need and how you can access it, what is available out there that will help, and how can you access it easily? sadly the rest is up to you. work out what your inner strengths are, you have clearly overcome so much. remember the good bits and write them down as an affirmation that not everyone thinks you are crap, lots of people have seen good and lovely things in you, celebrate this and work on accepting that those with a problem is their problem it is not you. you are a survivor, you are here, alive, what you do now on a daily basis is in your hands, and I say this as someone with an alcohol issue of my own. I recognise it is not easy, what is easy is to slip into the 'poor me, fuck the world, I will have another drink' mode when what you need is the 'fuck the world , I will show them, get out there and show em' mode I know I sound a bit 'chin up' patronising but honestly SoDiana you have mde it through all this so far and have survived, something is keeping you with us, stay and get stronger, a great life is waiting for you .

PastaLaFeasta · 17/11/2015 18:34

Entitlement can be a good thing and it's about you fighting for the support you need to get that second chance. So yes go fight for it, go seek out the support to get rid of the alcohol and to start something new. Try envisaging what you actually want you life to be and how you can achieve that - baby steps are best. Brainstorm and write everything down that could help and all the potential routes for support, both state and your own network.

It's also helpful to broaden your horizons by meeting people and getting out. You get to realise how others managed to be successful and it rubs off even if they had lovely family backgrounds. Have a read of "They F* You Up" too, it helps see how your parents really did create the mess you are in, but you are not suck there. You can build up your self esteem in small ways to create an identify you are happier with and motivate you reach the next step.

Shockers · 17/11/2015 18:36

Sadly, there's nothing you can change about the past. You can change your future though, if you want it enough. You need massive help with the alcohol though.

Hard I know, but the feeling of entitlement is the most destructive mindset you can have because you're expecting an external fix. If you can do something about this yourself, you will feel incredibly strong and the healing can begin.

for you.

Potatoface2 · 17/11/2015 18:43

if your family failed you why would you even consider they owe you a second chance.....and the state doenst give chances to anyone.....you have to make your own chances in life.....people who feel entitled usually end up feeling let down.....dont let that be you!

PacificDogwod · 17/11/2015 18:48

I am very sorry to hear about all the shit that's been done to you in the past and the problems you are having now

Re entitled… I dunno.
I don't think that life is fair, or that there's some kind of karma.
I don't actually think that anybody has a god-given right to happiness.
And I really don't think that anybody else can make us happy (others can make us unhappy, that's for sure) - true happiness lies within you.

So - I agree with PP who said you can make your new life yourself. It is within your power to make sure that what lies ahead is not forever tainted by what happened in the past. You can take the power of your past experiences away, by refusing to let it colour everything that is going to happen to you henceforth. Reclaim some control and say 'fuck that' you your past.

Easier said than done and it is indeed shit that that is the hand you have been dealt.
But you either continue doing what you have doing for quite some time or you have a wee look about what might make a positive change for you.

Give yourself credit for your achievements - for instance acknowledge the strength you undoubtably have for having got this far.
Don't catastrophise events when things go wrong.
Breathe in and out and life one day at a time as best you can.

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/11/2015 18:52

Um...yabu...from what you have said of your family, it is them who should be begging you for a second chance, not you wishing they would give you one.

Fuck them!

The state? Well, it's given you the opportunities to recover from alcoholism (assuming you used NHS routes?).

Keep going with your recovery, allow yourself your feelings on bad days but keep going. Life will get better.

springydaffs · 17/11/2015 18:53

I absolutely don't agree that 'wallowing' gets you nowhere. Sometimes we need to RAGE bcs we got such a shit deal. Imo it is essential to get into this, really make a meal of it.

AgentZigzag · 17/11/2015 19:00

OhBeloved · 17/11/2015 19:35

I agree Springy

Sometimes what you need to do (particularly if you are 'stuck' and can't let go) is to really focus on what happened to you.

Chances are you've grown up with all these thoughts and feelings about the abuse you endured. That means that those raw feelings and unsophisticated thoughts you has when you were a child reacting to the abuse are probably not very far under the surface and are not terribly 'processed'.

As an adult you have a chance to revisit your thoughts and feelings and re-process them more sophisticatedly. You now have better (because adult) resources to understand and rationalise. So you have a better chance of recovering to a greater extent than in the past.

However, it is a painful process. You have to be up to confronting what happened to you squarely. Drinking will get in the way.

Good luck OP. There is a good degree of recovery. But you have to really ^really want it.

PacificDogwod · 17/11/2015 19:39

Yy springdaffy - I call it 'therapeutic moaning' - moan, then get on with it. It does help IME...

MsJamieFraser · 17/11/2015 19:44

In terms of getting help there are services that the state can help you get access to, however YOU need to help yourself, others can help you do that, it has to come from you.

Also with regards to family, if they are affecting you mentally you need to limit there time with you or cut them out of your life.

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