To think childcare should accommodate varying shifts?

[Somanyproblems]

I'm really struggling. Expecting first baby next year and am starting to look at childcare options.

(A nanny is not even a remote possibility, neither is an au pair.)

I have to start work quite early - at 8. The good thing is that I finish fairly early as well. However, this massively limits my childcare options. There is only one nursery that I've found we could use that opens before 8, and it really doesn't look very nice at all

Is this what people have to do - leave their baby somewhere they aren't happy with?

Well, I'd better look into adoption then.

Or go on benefits, as after all, there are never any threads complaining about that, are there?

You are being ridiculous. There IS a nursery that would accommodate the hours but you don't like it. You can't expect businesses to run outside the hours that work for them. You don't want to compromise but expect everything to work around you by the sounds of it.

I'm not, actually, being ridiculous - 'sarcastic' however, yes.

I have said that my solution is to use the nursery near my workplace but have stated that I regret this as I would like more choice, ideally, and wondered what it was like for others.

I have hardly been haranguing nurseries demanding they open in the middle of the night!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21784716

I know that there is a 24 hour nursery in my neck of the woods. I think it's strange how we expect some people to work 24/7 but not others. Not sure I would particularly want to have someone else tucking my kids into bed at night but unfortunately some people just don't have a choice.

don't see 8 o clock as 'unusual' and, while 2 parent families are the norm, one parent families are hardly such a rare thing as to be totally unheard of

Whether or not you see 8 o'clock as unusual is irrelevant. Clearly in your area few parents have to start that early and if they do, the other parent takes the child in. If that wasn't the case, all nurseries in your area would open earlier.

Nurseries are not a public service who have to make sure that they fit in with everyone. They are private business who do what is most profitable for them. If the majority of parents don't need them to be open for longer hours then they aren't going to raise their daily prices so that they can be open for longer hours.

Yes, I think we've established that. Thank you.

Have you tried chatting to other working parents in the area to see what they do? There may be local Facebook groups where you can discuss eg my area has a mums, dad's and families closed group where childcare is sometimes requested or advertised. Also your council should have a list of options. Usually in an area one of the childminders is the coordinator for vacancies or may know about childminders in training who may open in the next year or so. For the first few years I used a cm near my work and now they are school age I use one near home (long waiting list) I've used 3 childminders in the last 7 years and the incidences of them being unable to work at short notice are very rare. They are more willing to take slightly poorly dc than nurseries are which reduces the need for time off work. I have considered becoming one myself quite seriously too when most of my salary was going to them!

"Have you tried chatting to other working parents in the area to see what they do? There may be local Facebook groups where you can discuss eg my area has a mums, dad's and families closed group where childcare is sometimes requested or advertised."

I was going to suggest this. Local FB groups are usually very good for this sort of thing and you'll get more honest feedback re: specific childcare providers from people you don't know.

You are being ridiculous. There IS a nursery that would accommodate the hours but you don't like it. You can't expect businesses to run outside the hours that work for them. You don't want to compromise but expect everything to work around you by the sounds of it

Hang on. The o/p has every right to want a child care provider who she trusts, likes, and feels provides best for her child. This is her child. You don't leave a baby with anyone you don't want to.

Do you really think she should shove her child in a substandard environment just because the hours suit?

No way in hell I'd leave my child anywhere, school, club, nursery, friend, relative, I didn't feel was best for my child.

Nothing ridiculous about it at all. A mother looking out for her child.

It may be far more affordable than you think to use a nanny - nursery/childminder combo.

That's what I do, the nanny gets the kids out of bed sorted and to the childminder then clocks off for the day (with me in reality she goes to her second family)

I've used childcare in 3 different areas and didn't come across any nursery that opened earlier than 7.30, and the one that does take children before 8 charges extra for the 7.30 to 8.00am period.

8am to 6pm is the norm, and it's presumably the norm because it works for the bulk of parents who need childcare. 8 to 4 isn't all that odd, but 9 to 5 or 9.30 to 5.30 are generally considered core working hours, and there are no doubt enough people doing those hours or thereabouts for childcare providers to be able to fill their places with no problems. Nurseries don't have big margins and longer opening hours costs more, so they're going to work to the most profitable business model.

My working hours have been non-standard for a number of years, and there were times when I was trying to juggle childcare and work by various methods, including sharing drop-offs and pick-ups with a friend in a similar position.

I do know people who have tricky working hours and they tend to use various combinations of childminders/friends/family/part-time nanny or nanny-share, and I also know people who've changed their jobs completely to work more mainstream hours.

It's just one of the inevitable problems that comes with having children. It never really feels 'sorted' as there are always changes to the family timetable as children get older and want to do different activities, so you finish up constantly changing things around and trying to keep on top of it all.

Unless you're lucky enough to have free family childcare, there's going to be a compromise to be made somewhere, whether that's financial - paying more for a nanny - or practical - going for a nursery that isn't your absolute ideal.

Do you really think she should shove her child in a substandard environment just because the hours suit?

No, but she didn't like any other available option either.

But said she was prepared to use it.

Obviously.

Have you asked work though about changing your hours to 9-5 (or even 8:30-4:30) rather than 8-4? As others have said, until your DC is in secondary, this is going to be an ongoing issue if there's not another parent who could do drop off. They do have an obligation to consider a request to change your hours, this isn't reducing them, just altering by an hour. It's worth a chat to see if you can massively increase your options for childcare, and a pity if long term you have to look for a new job because this one doesn't prove possible once your DC is school age and you can only use childcare near your DCs school.

You've discounted a childminder because she was sick once and your friend had 'only' 4 hours notice?

I've been through this dinosaur. It isn't that sort of work.

Cornwall - to be fair, as the OP is going to be a single parent, then discounting childminders on the grounds that you not only have to cover days your child is sick but also days your childminder is sick is a perfectly valid decision to take.

It was very hard for me to take time off when I went back to work after DC1, which factored into the decision we took to use a nursery, a nursery that was open all year round except the week between Christmas and New Year, the only week we had to take off. It was hard enough juggling DC1's sick days, without anyone else's (or their holidays).

Then OP, I guess yo'ure going to have to use the nursery near work, and start looking for a new job with closer to standard office hours before your DC is at school age. (or enquire what hours the private schools will offer for wrap around care, many do offer very long hours and price wise it's not far off paying for a full time nursery place anyway.)

She'll need a plan B whatever she decides...

Can you look at nurseries further afield?

Would one of the 8am lovely nurseries have a member of staff who could collect your baby en route to nursery for an extra fee?

It's frigging tough trying to make it all work but OP you sound fairly rigid and something is going to have to give somewhere....

I also fully agree with everyone saying wait a while. Yes there might be wait lists but something will work itself out - redundancy, a new DP, friends offering to help, new job offer, new nursery etc etc. Your options just might be very different in a years time. Your network of friends and acquaintances will change/grow once the baby arrives so there may be other possibilities. You sound like someone who plans and who doesn't faff or "go with the flow" so I expect this advice doesn't sit well.... But other than going round in circles, I don't know what you can do right now.

Yes you are bu. Childcare is not a public service. All nurseries "need" to do is be attractive enough to parents in order to get enough children to keep their business running.

You're obviously in a tricky situation. If I were you I'd put in a flexible working request and ask to start late every morning (would 8.30 give you enough time?). You could either finish 30 minutes later or do 30 minutes from home each day. Or you will have to use the unreliable childminder or the nursery you don't like. There are no other options. In reality the sooner you get used to that the better - with DC there are often choices and compromises to be made and you have to decide which is the best possible option for everyone overall. If you're only going back to get your mat pay you won't be there long (3 months usually?) and if they really won't allow any change in working hours then your DC will be fine with the unreliable cm (you will just have to take unpaid leave if the cm is sick) or the not so pleasant nursery.

I start work at 8.45 due to having to take my DC to school. It is a PITA work wise but I make it easier by checking my emails from home the evening before or first thing in the morning so I arrive with my head straight and ready to start the day. Not ideal for me (or the people I work with sometimes) but best of the options available as by getting my DC into school myself it takes pressure off the rest of the day for various reasons.

It's also worth looking at a nanny share, if you could find someone to share a nanny with, it would cut the cost to closer to a nursery place.

I know you said the baby's father isn't around, but would he be able to pay towards a nanny? If you need to work longer hours than standard childcare covers and have no family who can cover baby off sick days, then a nanny might be a better option for you.

Ladies, this thread could run, and run, and run ...

I've said at least four times now flexible working can't be used in the way you're all suggesting and that there are only two childminders I could use and one definitely isn't reliable and i will use the nursery near my workplace

Thanks!

I think you should have put this in parenting or childcare rather than AIBU because you're kind of inviting more and more comment about the fact you are bu especially given as you're so rigid on the one or two things that are obvious solutions to your problem