Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my husband aunt and uncle should treat my children equally

32 replies

chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:33

It was my ds2 birthday last week. On Saturday my ds got a card in the post from my husband's aunty and uncle and a cheque for ten pounds. Now I would ordinarily think that lovely. However it was my ds1 birthday a couple of months ago. A couple of days after his birthday he got a card but no cheque. Now I want to make it clear that I don't think expect anything of them. I know that they are one of numerous great niece and nephews. On my side of the family my own uncle and aunty don't give birthday presents to their great nieces and nephews forthat very reason. And that is absolutely fine. But if you give a present to one sibling on their birthday shouldn't you give a present to the other sibling when it's their birthday? Shouldn't they be treated the same?

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 16/11/2015 09:35

Perhaps they forgot to put the cheque in the card? Do they usually send both DC a cheque?

diddl · 16/11/2015 09:37

Have you spoken to them?

It could just be an oversight!

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:38

No they don't. Which is not a problem at all. The problem is one having a cheque and not the other.

OP posts:
bluebolt · 16/11/2015 09:39

I would view it as a mistake the first time, I have found a cheque that was meant to be in a card after posting a few times.

pasturesgreen · 16/11/2015 09:40

Maybe they just forgot?

They might have remembered the birthday at the last minute (the fact the card arrived a few days after the actual birthday might suggest just that) and hurriedly sent off a card without thinking much about anything else?

Do they usually send presents for both your DCs?

SurlyCue · 16/11/2015 09:40

Is it ds2's first birthday? Odd that they never gave a cheque before but have suddenly started.

wigglesrock · 16/11/2015 09:40

I think they've probably just forgotten - either they've forgotten to put the cheque in or they've forgotten that they sent a cheque the first time. It's happened a few times in my family - not through any nastiness, just one of those things.

strictlylurking · 16/11/2015 09:41

Could it be an age thing? One of my grandparents only ever sent money for what they perceived as "big" birthdays: 13, 16, 18, 21.. and everything else in between was just a card. Did one child have a "significant" birthday and the other not?

diddl · 16/11/2015 09:42

So this is the first time that either have ever had a cheque?

wigglesrock · 16/11/2015 09:42

I meant they've forgotten they sent a ck for ds1 birthday.

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:42

They usually send any presents for them. Just a card which is fine by us its really the discrepancy that's isn't. Ds2 card came a couple of days later too

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:43

Meant they don't usually send any presents

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:44

No they were/ are 8 and 10

OP posts:
MagicMojito · 16/11/2015 09:47

You are right. Its the blatent inequality. I hope your ds1 didn't notice Sad

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, is there any chance your aunt/uncle forgot to put a cheque in ds1's card but had the intention to? Are they otherwise quite fair with them?

I'd ignore it as a one off but I'd keep an eye on how they are treated over Christmas and if its turning into 'a thing" with them then i think id have a word about it. Maybe say to just send cards in future.

MagicMojito · 16/11/2015 09:49

Xpost with everyone, very slow and easily distracted typer Blush

SiegeofEnnis · 16/11/2015 09:51

In the absence of any signs of favouritism, I would assume that they simply forgot the cheque in the first card. Or that, as they don't usually send presents, they decided to start sending the children money (to choose their own presents now they're older) but decided it at some point between the two birthdays. Why are you determined to see a new arrangement as favouritism?

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:51

Yes ds1 did notice . We opened back accounts for them in the summer. I hadn't got round to it before. At the moment they have equal amounts in. If I put the cheque in ds1will have ten pounds more.

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 16/11/2015 09:53

I'd assume it was an oversight.

diddl · 16/11/2015 09:54

Isn't it sad that the assumption is that it is deliberate rather than an oversight?

Unless there is a reason to think thatfor some reason after some years they favour one over the other?

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 09:54

My boys birthdays are very close together. We are not particularly closed to them although I know dh used to be when he was little. They live about a hundred miles away.

OP posts:
TwoSmellyDogs · 16/11/2015 10:00

They've obviously forgotten. This is a big non-issue that it is not worth making anything of. I would just make up the discrepancy - if you feel they absolutely HAVE to have the same bank balance - make light of it. Explain to DS that they've clearly forgotten and you'll pop the tenner in the bank for him. That's all you have to do. This is not a THING.

Birdsgottafly · 16/11/2015 10:03

I would just ask them, tbh.

I thought at first that they had sent the 10 year old the cheque, which might make sense because it's a 'special' Birthday.

It needs sorting out, or it will fester.

Redglitter · 16/11/2015 10:03

I'd agree it's been an oversight. There's not really much you can do about it if it's been a one off

Enjolrass · 16/11/2015 10:07

Unless there is a back story I think Yabu to jump to the conclusion that you have rather than an oversight.

reni2 · 16/11/2015 10:16

This is a great-aunt and great uncle of your ds, so not a really close relative. I am not sure they must treat them equally, did one of your dss write nice thank you cards and one didn't? Are they closer to one than the other, maybe he plays with them and talks when they are there whereas the other ignores them? Are both dss your dh's? There will be many occasions when they'll be treated differently, did ds1 maybe get a gift for his 1st or 2nd birthday when ds2 wasn't born yet?

That said it was probably an oversight.