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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mil should keep it shut sometimes!

54 replies

RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:17

Name change for this as dont wanna put myself.. But paranoid lol.
Basically, get on well with my mil. But it is clear that she thinks I am somehow freeloading of my Dh and taking advantage of him at times.
I am currently a SAHM but will be going back to work next year when my maternity leave finishes. Currently I am not earning as my stat maternity pay finished earlier this month.
Whenever my Dh and I go out she makes comments as though he pays for everything- he doesn't! I have saving but this is none of her business so I say nothing.
This morning I put up on fb that we are going out for breakfast (Dh idea) and she made a comment "how about you treat your man for once, bring him breakfast in bed". I think it was a lighthearted comment but it still made me silently seethe lol.
I am the one who does the nights with ds, most of the time, Dh is currently in bed while I keep ds entertained, feed him etc, yet she expects me to rush about making her precious son a yummy Sunday fry up in between.
She seems to think I am some
Sort of lady of leisure because I am not working at the moment, but I have my own money, obviously Dh and I just pull our finances together and his money is my money and vice versa but I do have savings in my own account- which the rent comes out of.
It's just pisses me off, needed a rant!!

OP posts:
Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:17

Out myself not put.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 15/11/2015 11:19

I'd remove her as a friend after posting 'I do treat him - my childcare allows him to work full time. He is currently in bed whilst I am up looking after your grandson.'

waitingforgodot · 15/11/2015 11:20

Mothers and their sons eh. She sounds like a total pain

TheoriginalLEM · 15/11/2015 11:20

respond to that post with "1950 called and wants its values back"

or alternatively "fuck off you old bag" would suffice.

mintoil · 15/11/2015 11:21

I would limit contact with her to be honest, she sounds like she expects you to be some kind of surrendered wife.

What is/was her relationship with FIL like?

How would DH react if you told her to butt out and stop being so offensive, she doesn't know what she's talking about?

Let me guess, he would say "You know what she's like?" Maybe he should have a word with her and tell her to back off?

GreatFuckability · 15/11/2015 11:21

My reply would be 'i think he should treat me for being a fantastic mother to his son'.

hangingoutattheendofmywick · 15/11/2015 11:21

Urgh. That would make me mad too.

TheOriginalWinkly · 15/11/2015 11:22

Don't squabble on Facebook. Hide your posts from her. But YANBU, it's extremely bad manners to interfere in someone else's relationship or finances.

hangingoutattheendofmywick · 15/11/2015 11:22

TheorginalLEM that's brilliant

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:23

She was never married, Dh dad has never been on the scene, he has never met him.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 15/11/2015 11:23

Gosh, if I said something like that to DIL, DS1 would rip my head off. And rightly so.

CaffeineBomb · 15/11/2015 11:24

I would be furious! My response would be he is treating me for being up doing all the night feeds. If you want to come over and take LO for a couple of hours we will both have breakfast in bed

Pseudo341 · 15/11/2015 11:25

That's not a lighthearted comment, that's passive aggressive, to respond in kind delete it and say nothing. I'd be distancing myself from this woman if possible.

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:26

We get on well and she is a good gran to our ds, helped us out loads with clothes etc, but every now and again she just winds me up. I think I am a bit pfb and when she tells how to do things and how I should act it just annoys me.
Dh is a great husband/father btw he is not the issue. He works late at night so i don't grudge him a lie in, he would never suggest I make him
Brekkie etc he knows how busy I am looking after ds/the house.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 15/11/2015 11:27

Tell her his treat is the blow job/anal ex/full BDSM experience he'll be getting later.

Passive aggressive is the way to go with these people.

JassyRadlett · 15/11/2015 11:28

What is your DH's response to all this?

FelineLou · 15/11/2015 11:28

Start asking her about her life when she had her children. It was not usual for both partners to work full time before property got so expensive.
If she did work ask her how her family were cared for as babies.
She may be angling for childcare role but with this show of disrespect I would avoid that.

Preciousxbane · 15/11/2015 11:29

My FIL is staying next week and I haven't seen him since I stopped working last year. He is the type that may say something rude, I stopped working due to ill health. What he doesn't know is my financial position within the relationship which is no ones business but mine and DH. My income is still quite decent due to investments and my pension.

I intend being rude back if I'm honest because I have had 20 years of putting up with his bad manners.

RubbleBubble00 · 15/11/2015 11:29

I'd put 'it's dh idea to give ourselves a treat since iv been doing the nights wakenings and let dh have a lie in this morning when dc woke at X time' - equally passive aggressive reponse

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:31

KingJoffrey love it Grin

I don't mention it to Dh i just get silently more and more annoyed lol hence the rant

OP posts:
MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 15/11/2015 11:31

Dh needs to step in and tell her to stop.

NeuNewNouveau · 15/11/2015 11:34

I would just put something 'lighthearted' like 'haha, believe me I do treat him regularly, not always in ways I'd want to put out in public though!!!!'

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:35

Rubble that's along the lines of what I usually reply.
I genuinely think that she imagines I lie on the couch all day eating biscuits and watching TV while DH slaves away lol.
I admit I have got mad before and posted things intentionally to annoy her. Eg. "Nice lazy day today"
When in reality I am running about daft doing dishes, washings etc but it makes me feel slightly better and smug

OP posts:
laffymeal · 15/11/2015 11:40

I like LEM's response. You could also try "what's the postcode in Stepford mil?"

OurBlanche · 15/11/2015 11:41

Oh, let him know. If you don't he won't be able to say anything to her or understand why you sometimes get pissed off for no apparent reason.

When he knows at least then you'll have someone to laugh with. And he may even choose to tell her to wind her neck in.

But if you 'sit on it' he won't be able to help and you will keep on getting all wound up and, whilst I am sure posting here helps a bit, it will be better when you can deal with it together.

She probably has absolutely no idea about the realities of your financial situation, she only sees her beautiful boy working his socks off whilst you stay at home and do bugger all - presumably with no OH she didn't have that opportunity and so maybe thinks you are taking the easy route!

She is allowed to be protective of her baby, just as you would be with yours. But now he is all grown up he is allowed to talk to her about it - but you do have to let him know!

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