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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mil should keep it shut sometimes!

54 replies

RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:17

Name change for this as dont wanna put myself.. But paranoid lol.
Basically, get on well with my mil. But it is clear that she thinks I am somehow freeloading of my Dh and taking advantage of him at times.
I am currently a SAHM but will be going back to work next year when my maternity leave finishes. Currently I am not earning as my stat maternity pay finished earlier this month.
Whenever my Dh and I go out she makes comments as though he pays for everything- he doesn't! I have saving but this is none of her business so I say nothing.
This morning I put up on fb that we are going out for breakfast (Dh idea) and she made a comment "how about you treat your man for once, bring him breakfast in bed". I think it was a lighthearted comment but it still made me silently seethe lol.
I am the one who does the nights with ds, most of the time, Dh is currently in bed while I keep ds entertained, feed him etc, yet she expects me to rush about making her precious son a yummy Sunday fry up in between.
She seems to think I am some
Sort of lady of leisure because I am not working at the moment, but I have my own money, obviously Dh and I just pull our finances together and his money is my money and vice versa but I do have savings in my own account- which the rent comes out of.
It's just pisses me off, needed a rant!!

OP posts:
mintoil · 15/11/2015 11:43

I dunno, I think it would annoy her even more if you limited the info she got about your life. I am another one who would restrict posts so she cannot see them.

OP you haven't told us what DH says about her behaviour and opinions......

OnlyLovers · 15/11/2015 11:43

I like Doreen's response.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 15/11/2015 11:49

I agree with others that you need to mention it to your DH, silently seething will get you nowhere.

As for FB, I'm afraid I'm more direct and would say something along the lines of:

"I know you think I do fuck all, but how we spend OUR money is none of your business"

But then, I'm a cow Grin

ladymariner · 15/11/2015 11:50

Well yes she sounds really annoying, but then you have put status' up in the past saying you're having a nice lazy day just to irritate her.....all sounds very childish to me, tbh.

Fluffyears · 15/11/2015 11:52

I would block her then she can see absolutely nothing. If she asks why just tell her you don't appreciate the way she responds on your posts. Stand up for yourself!

Debbriana1 · 15/11/2015 11:55

Sorry, I think you should reply to her post. She is defiantly having a dig at you. It comes a cross as your not doing enough for your do or not doing your fair share.

Polite comment would work. Buying your dc cloths does not give her rights to be horrible.

If she hadn't used the wording " for once" then I would think she was being light hearted. Unless, English is not her first language.

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:55

Tbh Dh doesn't get on well with her, she annoys him too and we do have a laugh about it together.
It doesn't MASSIVELY bother me, just annoyed me this morning. When I was pg and I would comment how much i was loving being on Mat leave and away from my stressful job she would say things like "don't get to used to it etc etc" or "wait till the baby is here and you'll know what tired is" you know all those really helpful things people feel the need to say when your pg! Lol

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 15/11/2015 11:55

I wouldn't have taken that as lighthearted at all and I would definitely have to say something back.

PiperChapstick · 15/11/2015 11:56

YANBU. She's a dick, I would delete her if I were you.

What is it with MILs? Luckily mine is alright but I feel sorry for my brothers wife - she is a SAHM and my DM tells her things like "(DBrother) likes cakes, why don't you have one baked for him for when he comes in from work" Hmm Yes mother I'm sur SIL has copious amounts of time between a looking after a toddler and 10yo with ASD. Poor SIL!

PiperChapstick · 15/11/2015 11:57

Also you should state that you do work but currently exercising your statutory rights to take maternity leave

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:58

So bloody tempted to take advice here and post back "does a blow job count as breakfast??" Or "he's already had his treat in bed this morning" haha

OP posts:
Wishful80sMontage · 15/11/2015 11:59

Mines like this she forgets that she didn't work until her youngest was 8 and that I'm using my own savings to still contribute to the bills but regardless of both those facts the biggest thing she forgets is its none of her business

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 11:59

Piper that's so bad! Your poor sil! I hope she has witty responses at the ready lol

OP posts:
HoneysuckleAndJasmine · 15/11/2015 12:01

Oh that would be brilliant ranty. Do it and tell us her reaction.!

She's just jealous. I bet her dh never took her out for breakfast.

Mums and sons......

Original poster
RantyMcRant · 15/11/2015 12:02

I so hope I don't end up like this! I want my future dil to come MN and talk about how fantastic I am Wink haha

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/11/2015 12:04

And this is just one of the many reasons I don't have my MIL on my FB.
treat "your man" and give him breakfast in bed? Fuck OFF!

She clearly thinks you should be a surrendered wife since you're not contributing in any way to the household Hmm because obviously bringing up a child and doing all the housework simply don't count...

Does she read the Daily Fail and vote Tory, by any chance? Wink

ChimpyChops · 15/11/2015 12:04

I think it is the 'for once' that would make me mad. I would definitely reply with what others have posted, saying breakfast out is a treat for both of you as you work hard too with night wakings and looking after your child and the home. I may also add that he will get his treat later if she continues to get on to you.

Screen shot it to show your dh. What does he think of these comments?

ChimpyChops · 15/11/2015 12:06

Sorry, just read that he also finds it funny :)

miaowroar · 15/11/2015 12:25

I don't think it is just a light-hearted remark. She wants to pass it off as such, but in her eyes there is a grain of truth in these comments. She DOES think you should cook him breakfast instead of wasting HIS money going out for it. Perhaps she is jealous because you have the support of a good DP which she never had.

However, silently seething every time she does this will do no good because these things have a way of festering inside you until there is a huge blow-up and row.

I think you should take your tone from hers, but call her out on every PA remark she makes - PPs have given loads of really good examples (I liked the Stepford Wives one and the 1950s one). Unless you make an equally "light-hearted" riposte every time she makes a "light-hearted" comment, she will never get the idea and you will seethe forever.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/11/2015 12:28

respond to that post with "1950 called and wants its values back

I liked that

Tell her his treat is the blow job/anal ex/full BDSM experience he'll be getting later

But that is genius Grin

I'd be restricting what she sees. That sort of shit would get my back up.

OverScentedFanjo · 15/11/2015 12:31

Are you me?

Limit contact, it's the only way to stay sane!

Spitoon · 15/11/2015 12:46

Nothing ruder than counting someone else's money. Ignore her.

Sighing · 15/11/2015 12:53

Surely the response should come from your DH? "It's our money, my idea and noone elses beeswax".
Ignore her, she's trying to rile you up / claim some knowledge over how to treat a man compared to you.

Gottagetmoving · 15/11/2015 13:05

I wouldn't let it bother me. Anyone reading her comment would think she was a fussy mother, they woudnt think badly of you.
Lots of mums think their sons need looking after and worry about it long after they grow up.
I wouldn't defend it. I would say something like 'No chance' to her remark about making him breakfast in bed and wouldn't explain further. Up to mil what she makes of that.
TBH I would probably deliberately say things that would make her think I was neglecting him, but then I can be quite sadistic like that. Grin

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/11/2015 13:06

Put her on restricted so she can't see your posts.