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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have little sympathy when my DCs hurt themselves from fighting each other

57 replies

LocatingLocatingLocating · 15/11/2015 09:19

They fight quite a bit, sometimes quite physically. I attempt to stop them obviously, but I just get worn out from constantly separating them, telling them off etc.

DD just got kicked in the cheek by DS and is cross with me for not rushing downstairs to respond to her cries. She was sitting on DS, wrestling him, when he (accidentally I think) kicked her.

To my mind, if you fight you're going to get hurt. Life lesson. And I'm fed up with being referee. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleHairAndPearls · 16/11/2015 08:01

All my DC are irritating asshats Wink

No physical violence in the home, in any form, is tolerated here though. I spent about ten years it seems, with a succession of DC, saying "no hands!" "Keep your feet to yourself!" "don't touch each other!" but it's the one thing I will not tolerate at all. I don't see any benefits to allowing it, yes it might be a stage all children go through but then so is telling lies (or similar transgressions) and is discouraged from the beginning.

IMO it's actually easier to police if you don't allow any physical contact in anger at all, and from the start. Having boys as well as girls I think it's an important lesson to learn - never to put your hands or feet or anything else on anyone in anger.

I have DC with SN too who get frustrated (especially when they can't communicate) so I know it's easier to type this than to do. I used to tie myself in knots if I had to drag one physically remove them from a situation where they wanted to knock seven bells out of a sibling

KeyserSophie · 16/11/2015 08:37

I've got DS (5) and DD(3). They get on pretty well to be fair, but the odd spat does deteriorate into hitting and kicking, at which point they're separated.

But yes yes to the comments upthread about why the hell cant they just stay away from each other instead of having to go back into the fray for Round 2?

MiaowTheCat · 16/11/2015 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frusso · 16/11/2015 12:35

This reply has been deleted

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stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/11/2015 12:36

violent little fuckers arent they! all of em...

CrispyFB · 16/11/2015 12:51

It's all about the fine line. On the one side there's letting them learn the consequences of deliberately aggravating behaviour, and/or them learning how to sort things out themselves without a third party. But on the other side there's not permitting violence, and making sure the dynamics are fair (i.e. no bullying)

I stop them if it gets properly nasty, and I keep an eye open for if one child is being treated unfairly or not. They never are, they genuinely 100% are all as bad as each other. Seriously. And yes, they do dive back into it regularly even if I've split them up.

It's a tough call to make when to intervene or not. Particularly with DS (ASD) because saying the wrong thing can make him escalate. He smashed my brand new phone only last week by throwing something at it because I intervened - until that point he hadn't been violent. Distraction is usually key with him but then the others think it is unfair and he's "getting away with it" so they needle him some more. Sigh.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 16/11/2015 14:27

crispyfb is right in first paragraph I think. There is a fine line.

I do like the expressionarsehat BTW

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