to not find this funny

[mommy2ash]

I work as part of a team and my workplace have started weekly newsletters to help each team get to know each other. One person from each team is nominated each week to write an update of their team and it gets sent to everyone roughly about 80 people. This was the first week and it was a general get to know each person.

Everyone tried to make it humorous and it turned into a bit of a roast. The person who sent the email about my team poked fun at people's accents, my height, people's humours etc.

Each person had their own paragraph and at the end of mine was she is a terrible mother.

Now obviously I know it's not true and it's supposed to be tongue in cheek but I felt it was an unnessesarily personal comment. The person who wrote it is out today and everyone was laughing and asking me to read it. I just said I don't find that funny and carried on with my work.

I'm not usually precious but I felt it inappropriate especially for work. Aibu?

oh no - so it isn't a joke really?

tbh I would avoid singling yourself out and say that you feel the rows and the banter are getting out of control. But very rude colleague. Kind of sums up the problem of working in a place where personal comments abound!

what's it like as a workplace generally?

Almost as though he camouflaged an attack on you in the midst of less-serious comments about others?

Pluck that is exactly what it felt like. I bet everyone has something they won't find amusing if others try to make jokes family is usually a good one to avoid. Nobody else had such a comment made. All other comments were either something people say openly about themselves or personality quirks, laughing loud being afraid of spiders that kind of thing. It seemed like a very bizarre statement with zero explanation or supposed joke surrounding it.

The fact others were waiting for me to come to read it showed they knew I wouldn't like it. They even made me log into my email to read it before I started work

Well, you can play that game, too, by using all his "banter" in a complaint to HR, and also pointing out strongly that your parenting skills have nothing to do with work, so are a particularly unprofessional nonsense!

After all, what will be next, laughing at someone getting a divorce because s/he "couldn't" make his/her spouse happy?

Where do you work? the bear factory?

Wernham Hogg, Slough branch, I think.

Sound a thoroughly nasty bunch, knew you wouldn't like it, waiting for you to come in and making you log into your email to see it before starting work. That set you on course to do a good days work I bet.

Workplace bullying without a doubt. Are you a member of a union? I would be showing the newsletter to them and getting advice.

Do not let this go, it will escalate.

I once complained about a comment made by a supermarket worker in the checkout. The manager I complained to told me he 'had a dry sense of humour', to which I replied humour is funny, this person was just rude.

You've been singled out for an offensive dig, under the guise of humour. This is why this kind of thing should not go on. Recipe for disaster. I wouldn't want to work in such a disrespectful environment.

Oh, and start logging these events. First time this inappropriate comment was made, dates, times, how you felt. If this situation escalates ypou will need this sort of information.

No, you're not being unreasonable. I used to work in a team where we did generally have lots of banter. They'd tease me about being a strict Mum- I would even play up to it a bit- but a) we knew and liked each other, b) I shared the joke, c) everyone had the piss taken out of them for something and most importantly d) it was only in moments of chitchat. I'd have gone apeshit if it was put in writing in an official communication to people!! For those you say things like "Lisa is our resident fitness fanatic, having just completed her 3rd marathon"... NOT negative personal attacks ffs! So yeah, even I think you should say something.

Horrible, op. This kind of thing is not on and you should definitely raise it with some kind of official complaint.

This kind of thing is also utterly pointless. If the idea is to give a bit of a profile of people, why full it with stupid jokes and outright lies? It totally defies any purpose and should have been rejected by the management.

I once had to put together something similar with a little basic interview with staff. One guy filled it out completely with jokes and complete lies, thinking it was funny. I sent it back to him and told him it was completely useless to me and made him look like an unprofessional idiot. He did it again properly. Your management should have rejected any draft like that because it's a waste of everyone's time and achieves nothing but bad feeling.

"You can't take a joke" or "you don't get my incredibly clever and unique humour" is what shitty people say to justify their shittiness, or simple lack of funny. It's like when people claim to be straight talkers when they're actually just rude, socially clumsy and thoughtless.

You're not obliged to take a joke, ever. If the person you're poking fun at isn't laughing, then you have to consider - were you trying to make them laugh, or were you trying to get everyone to admire how clever you are? If they don't find it funny, who cares that you do? It's at their expense, they get to choose. You might not be offended by the same joke but you don't know their circumstances or history, and something that could be harmless to you could be extremely painful and damaging for someone else.

If your real motivation is to make people laugh, you should be mortified if you find out you've hurt them instead. If your reaction is instead to tell them it's their failing, you've got the wrong agenda and you're a hurtful twat.

Stand up comedians don't blame the audience when they don't get a laugh.

It sounds to me like they knew the op would be offended and wanted her to know, not that they were taunting her? That kind of remark clearly crosses the line

This was a deliberate act and not banter or humour. The colleague was embarrassed when he was previously called out on his unpleasant comments. He had born a grudge the seized the opportunity to have his revenge.

Don't take it up with him, go straight to HR on Monday. If you challenge him he will turn it into you bullying him.

You have made it very clear during a previous episode that you didnt find it funny, and this prson has done it again. You are well within your rights to take it to HR. Otherwise it will happen again.

I feel a bit better today a few of my other colleagues who are among the youngest and childless came to me at lunchtime and told me they found it very inappropriate. I'm glad at least some here see it the same way I do.

It's lovely that other colleagues see it the same way, but it does need to be seen like that by someone who can discipline the Arse!

I you have already had words and made it clear that comments along those lines are not acceptable fodder for 'humorous' comments, then it sounds like they are deliberately stepping over the line to try and get a rise out of you. I would want to nip it in the bud before it becomes more of a button-pushing exercise than it already is!