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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not find this funny

67 replies

mommy2ash · 13/11/2015 13:13

I work as part of a team and my workplace have started weekly newsletters to help each team get to know each other. One person from each team is nominated each week to write an update of their team and it gets sent to everyone roughly about 80 people. This was the first week and it was a general get to know each person.

Everyone tried to make it humorous and it turned into a bit of a roast. The person who sent the email about my team poked fun at people's accents, my height, people's humours etc.

Each person had their own paragraph and at the end of mine was she is a terrible mother.

Now obviously I know it's not true and it's supposed to be tongue in cheek but I felt it was an unnessesarily personal comment. The person who wrote it is out today and everyone was laughing and asking me to read it. I just said I don't find that funny and carried on with my work.

I'm not usually precious but I felt it inappropriate especially for work. Aibu?

OP posts:

tbtc20 · 13/11/2015 14:02

YANBU

specialsubject · 13/11/2015 14:05

a 'dry sense of humour' means not suffering fools gladly. It does not mean personal abuse, which is not funny even in the playground.

raise hell.

aginghippy · 13/11/2015 14:05

It's not 'poking fun', they are personal insults. YANBU it's totally unacceptable and unprofessional.

Definitely raise the matter with HR.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 14:06

'Humour' can often be used as an excuse to just be rude to people, as others have already alluded to. "Just my sense of humour" as though it's your fault if you don't understand it. Totally unacceptable, especially within the workplace where you don't always know everyone as well as within your friendship groups.

So, YANBU

MrsKoala · 13/11/2015 14:08

I also have what is considered a 'dry' sense of humour. I may joke that I am a bad parent (and have tethered my children to a railing while i go to the pub, which of course is clearly not true, that only happens on a Saturday...Badom-tish! ). But i would never say anyone else was a bad parent. This is a very bad idea. I have worked in HR and we would have dropped our chocolate if we read that. Not appropriate at all.

If this is the first one they need to be careful the tone is not 'set' and this becomes the norm. I would say something and nip it in the bud before everyone gets upset and morale drops massively.

Hemlockinthegarden · 13/11/2015 14:16

If you don't raise it, it may escalate.

This person obviously thinks they are well above you in the "pecking order".

FingerOFudge · 13/11/2015 14:19

YANBU and I agree with MrsKoala - this is a very bad road to be on, all the signposts are to litigation in the future. Banter turns to bullying so easily.

chillycurtains · 13/11/2015 14:19

No, that's just weird and not what was intended by the inital idea. I would have a quick word with someone in an appropriate position or just your own line manager and say that you are not happy with the comment but also the style this newsletter has taken and it's not meeting the criteria that it was mean to.

TheoriginalLEM · 13/11/2015 14:26

Where do you work? the bear factory?

Gazelda · 13/11/2015 14:27

And this is week one . Report it as unprofessional, bullying and ineffective as a 'getting to know you' tool. Other than that you all know this work colleague is a knob.
No one can imagine this was a good thing to do, surely?

Arfarfanarf · 13/11/2015 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 13/11/2015 14:38

Arfarfarf, that did actually make me LOL.

But yes, I agree. At least it wasn't...

mommy2ash, she's the one you definitely don't want to visit the toilet after

Jokes aside, it is unacceptable and you need to escalate, preferably to the person who had the bad idea, and the person who ok'd the text (did someone in authority not read it before it was sent to the entire company?).

lorelei9 · 13/11/2015 14:39

YANBU
who comes up with this shit? and it's an HR disaster waiting to happen!

SevenOfNineTrue · 13/11/2015 14:55

I'd have a quiet word with HR. Say that banter is one thing, but this is way beyond that and unacceptable. Politely tell HR that you will not raise a formal grievance this time but you will not tolerate further remarks of this nature and that a quiet word with this employee might be advisable before he goes too far.

Damselindestress · 13/11/2015 15:00

Since your colleague has made this kind of comment before and you've made it clear it's unacceptable, it's obvious this is not any kind of joke gone wrong or misunderstanding but part of a pattern of behaviour. I would complain to HR or your manager. The newsletter in itself sounds awful, it's going to create unnecessary animosity instead of bringing people together.

Original poster

mommy2ash · 13/11/2015 17:53

The others at my table seemed like they were waiting for a reaction so I didn't rise to it today. They aren't parents and brought it up a couple of times today saying it was just a joke and not meant in a bad way. I just calmly stated I don't find it funny and left it at that. They clearly think I'm being unreasonable. I think I will just have a quiet word with the person responsible. I think maybe bringing it further would be a bit much as long as it's left at this.

My workplace is full of so called banter and there is always someone arguing with someone. It can get a bit tense at times. I don't want to start a big drama but want to put a stop to these kinds of comments

OP posts:

pluck · 13/11/2015 18:04

I bet they're arguing even more than it seems from the apparent amount of arguments, and are using "banter" as a proxy for digging at one another! It sounds frustrating and crap.

lorelei9 · 13/11/2015 18:08

Mommy, that's interesting. I think it's very rare that banter is okay at work - you have to be in a group who really know each other well and understand each other. The mere fact that someone started this idiotic newsletter suggests you don't have that and I think it's mad when workplaces try to enforce it.

I am at a loss to know how the parent joke could have arisen but if the newsletter actually made a point of making personal comments, I think you could legitimately say to your manager that you have concerns. You don't have to mention yourself, if there are already arguments at work, then people need to take a step back and not be asked to do silly shit like the newsletter. Maybe highlight an argument next time it happens? You say they were waiting for a reaction - maybe it's turned into that thing of "very bored workers trying to cause a row"? It does amaze me how small minded some people are and how they want to turn the workplace into a source of entertainment - sure it can be boring but do they not have lives?!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/11/2015 18:18

I think this is an absolutely dreadful idea. If I'd been the target of something like that when I was working, I would have been devastated.

I think you have dealt with this with great dignity, OP, but I do think you should complain about this at work - if the next target of this person's 'humour' is vulnerable, or has been bullied in the past, it could do real damage.

ragged · 13/11/2015 18:43

It's bad humour but I wouldn't get upset, just suggest to powers that be that no one is taking newsletter seriously so why continue.

lorelei9 · 13/11/2015 18:49

OP - that's a point. Was it the suggestion to have a newsletter and then people took the piss by writing personal crap?

I had a boss who got us to do an email to the whole company, with an update of what the team had done this week. Occasionally we put a joke in because otherwise it was deadly dull but we never ever referenced anyone's private life, accent, or appearance.

NorksAreMessy · 13/11/2015 19:04

We used to say to the children when they were tiny "play fighting is still fighting".
They are excusing nastiness by saying it is 'banter' . It isn't, it is just plain nasty.

IdentityChrysalis · 13/11/2015 19:19

Surely saying "OP is a bad mother" in this context indicates that you are so clearly a great mother that the comment is hyperbolically ridiculous (which is the essence of the comedy?)

MrsBobDylan · 13/11/2015 19:40

Well, yadnbu. What a fucking shambles. I work in a profession where it is a part of my role to write newsletters. My heart always sinks when internal departments want to generate their own newsletters to 'get to know each other better'. Not only do they not work within that context, they are always written badly and are unsustainable. At best, a waste of time, at worst, offensive.

Complain to HR. If they are doing their job correctly they will be appalled and take action.

Original poster

mommy2ash · 13/11/2015 20:22

One of the times my parenting was referenced was when we were discussing Christmas and I mentioned a few things I had bought and this colleague had a bit of a rant saying she was spoiled and he only got two presents growing up and that is how he will raise his kids. This was the conversation where me being a terrible parent was first mentioned by him. I told him I wasn't canvassing for opinions on my parenting from someone who isn't yet a parent themselves, my child isn't spoiled, I'm not a terrible parent and I wouldn't take any further comments on my parenting very lightly.

I usually get on well with this colleague and thought that was the end of it.

I'm not upset exactly more annoyed that while others had slightly amusing quips made about them this one sentence is over personal and unnessesary and sent to a whole load of people I don't even know.

I was able to take the other comments in jest but this one crossed the line and I guess that is exactly the problem with this sort of exercise.

I felt very singled out and that isn't ok in a working environment

OP posts:

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