Is this odd regarding christening?

[fluffyfox1]

Hello all. Hope you're well. Willing to be flamed here so apologies in advance lol.
My friend has a dd who is nearly 1. Dd is he first child and a lovely baby. My friend is getting dd christened soon and told her close friends today that they are having the christening but only close family will be able to have the post christening buffet but no one else. That leaves close friends and further afield relatives to attend the christening with no post christening gathering. Friend reports that it's due to finance but her partner is a chef and from last experiences they don't appear to struggle with money (things she's told me not things I've imagined or assumed). Of course we're going to the christening to support friend and her dd but am IBU to find this odd?

Lea has nailed it with a very elegant phrase - it's an egregious etiquette error.

(Can't wait to trot that one out on the next occasion that calls for it!)

Hmmm. Yanbu! But then I speak as someone who travelled Manchester to Cornwall to go to a church wedding, loiter in the afternoon as not invited to main event, then go to the evening do where there was not so much as a diet coke or a crisp for evening guests. Not that I'm bitter...

"Is it about using a blanket policy to deal with not having to have certain friends or further afield relatives attending?"
This sounds quite likely to me - maybe there are 'unfortunate' family members that they can't not invite, due to family politics. This would be a neat way of avoiding them, unfortunately it also leaves a lot of other people out.

Unrelated to that, reading through the thread, I can't help thinking that if expecting a gift (and maybe they don't) without offering food is tightfisted, then surely making the giving of a gift dependent on being fed is equally tightfisted. That's not gifting, it's bartering.

Ha ha I love the irony of the fact that they are having a ceremony to introduce their DC to Christianity but are behaving like tight fisted, divisive gits! Good work!

I think that's appalling. So rude, and i wouldn't go.

I don't think tea and cake, as some people have suggested, is on either. Church services usually end just before lunch - our local church has an 11m service and so people don't get home until nearly 1pm. I need more than a piece of cake by then!

This is so rude.

OP, baby is too young to know she is missing out on gift/voucher.

Is this friend usually generous to you?

You sound like a saint, I would have no qualms about turning down this invite.

God some people are so cheeky! I'm assuming you bought the kid a gift when it was born so there's no way I'd buy another one now. If it was me I'd say 'thanks for the invite to the ceremony but it sounds more like a family affair so I won't make it. Have a lovely day though and I'll see you soon x'

Hi I wouldn't say she's overly generous but not tight fisted either if that makes sense, her dp is tight though. I agree that if I was her I'd be embarrassed but each to their own. They have no family issues ie not wanting aunty sally to arrive so I don't think that's an issue. Will attend but giving anymore than a card is not happening

So if my stupidity has not got the better of me. They are expecting people to come from far and wide . Bring gifts ect, buy new outfits as you do for occasions, stay for the service and not even get a butty. I don't about odd but extremely rude. I'm telling you now I would not be attending.
I could be wildly wrong. It very would not be the first time, but I think they may have to be prepared that not a lot of people will turn up. You cannot say to people, well you're good enough and important enough to fawn and coo over the baby but not to be involved in the celebration. I think they need a lesson in manners and etiquette.

Hi lighthouse this is what the expectation appears to be! I though I might BU but obviously not! X

facebook message - brilliant - jump on that and send a message to everyone saying
'anyone who is not invited to the after ceremony buffet, do you fancy finding a pub close by and we can have a good get together and chat along with some drinks and food? Anyone up for it?'
Very reasonable suggestion I think. PA yes, but a good afternoon with everyone as well - yes!

Oh this is going to be so brilliantly cringey when half of the guests turn up without having got the "no food" message - because that WILL happen.

Will you take a video please op?

Monkey lol I doubt they will get many acceptors to the day with no food provided afterwards anyway!