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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bare feet in the house

114 replies

sheepwitch · 12/11/2015 11:38

Three people live together. I'll call them Ben, Grace and Norah. All like being barefoot when in the house.

Ben doesn't like the appearance of Grace's bare feet. Ben doesn't generally have any issue with bare feet but used to know someone many years ago that had similar feet and he didn't like those either. Ben says that Grace's feet have "creepy long toes" and that they make him feel uncomfortable and on edge - he likens it to when someone who doesn't like spiders spots one lurking in a corner. Ben acknowledges that it is irrational to have such a strong reaction to a persons feet but thinks that Grace should keep her feet covered at all times (socks/slippers) as an act of courtesy towards him.

Grace doesn't see anything wrong with her feet ("they're just normal size 6 feet!"). Grace resents being asked to keep her feet covered in her own home as if she is some kind of freak in the foot department.

Norah has bigger fish to fry and is not fussed about anybodies feet and just wants a quiet life. Norah can see both points of view and has therefore been lumbered with the role of referee.

So, wise mumsnetters, who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
YesICanHearYouClemFandango · 12/11/2015 12:23

I like ChipsAndGuac's idea the best Grin

Zetetic · 12/11/2015 12:23

Buy Ben a blindfold for Christmas.

YesICanHearYouClemFandango · 12/11/2015 12:24

Perhaps in combo with dontcallmecis's Grin

tanukiton · 12/11/2015 12:27

Ben sounds like he is being a dick and a bit of a bully to Grace.

munkisocks · 12/11/2015 12:28

As long as Grace isn't putting her bare feet in Ben's lap or on the coffee table, Ben is being U.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 12/11/2015 12:28

Ben needs to develop something that's annoying to Norah such that he'll give it up in return for coming down on her side.

Pooshy · 12/11/2015 12:31

I always go barefoot

Creepy toes do freak me out a bit but I don't think it's fair to expect her to cover them up!

OldGreyCat · 12/11/2015 12:31

Ben needs to either stop being a bully (1 rule for him, 1 rule for Grace) or help some help with his foot phobia (which cant be that bad as it is only Grace's feet he is phobic about???)

either way the large photo canvas 'n' cushion 'n' mug 'n' mousemat 'n' phone cover (see where I am going with this? yes, Asda online photo orders...)

will help, either as a de-sensitisation programme or to remind him not to be a knob.

specialsubject · 12/11/2015 12:34

that's his problem.

assuming the feet are not being waved in his face and do not smell, tough.

TonyMaguire · 12/11/2015 12:35

Weird long toes are undoubtedly unpleasant. Actually, the only acceptable feet are mine or children's ones. I recommend slippers for everyone.

MonstrousPippin · 12/11/2015 12:35

Ben is in the wrong. If he can accept that it's his problem and he should do something about it, perhaps he could try that flooding treatment? Take pictures of Grace's feet and pin them round the house, make them the wallpaper on his phone etc. Maybe then he will become desensitised.

If he sees her feet far more, attached to her, perhaps he can stop associating this type of foot with the other person too. If it's a family, he needs to focus on how he loves her including her feet.

Failing that, he needs to figure out his issues with the person from his past who has the similar feet. His problem is probably with that person's feet and not with Grace's feet.

TheWordOfBagheera · 12/11/2015 12:43

Grace should tell him that she understands and will of course cover up her odd looking feet if that makes him feel better.

She feels the same about his face though, and will therefore require him to don a bank-robber style ski-mask while she wears her socks.

LagunaBubbles · 12/11/2015 12:45

What is the relationship between everyone?

bettyberry · 12/11/2015 12:48

Ben needs to get over himself. He does know that the way they treat spider phobia is to face the spider, realise its not going to hurt you then eventually handle the spider right?

I think it could work with feet too. He needs to face them, he needs to realise those 'long creepy toes' will not suffocate him in his sleep then he needs to practice the art of pedicures.

I suggest Grace buys some googly eyes and turn her toes into creepy monsters because I'm childish like that and it would be a funny thing to do.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 12/11/2015 12:49

Are these teenage siblings?

ThereIsIron · 12/11/2015 12:52

Ben's a fuckwit

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/11/2015 12:57

Buy everyone hobbit feet slippers for Christmas.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 12/11/2015 13:08

It may seem unreasonable to many on here - but some people genuinly have issues with bare feet. I hate them, but hve learned to put up with it. My partner's feet are particularly horrible as well, and bare feet have make me feel physically sick in the past. It's not a normal phobia but it is the same feeling as seeing a big spider in the room. Jut because you don't understand it, doesn't make the suffer a 'prat'. No, a person shouldn't have to cover up their ugly anatomy in their own home, but a bit of understanding wouldn't go amiss either. Ben will get used to it in the long term (as I made my spider-phobic partner get over his need to scream and batter to death any poor eight legged friend in the house, you learn to deal with it).

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 12/11/2015 13:15

Ben needs to understand that you cannot pick on one individual person's particular body part and decide that it is unacceptable to be on display, whereas everybody else's (including his own) are fine.

Unless she has gangrene, massive untreated verrucas or other fungal infections that you have failed to mention in your OP.

TheWordOfBagheera · 12/11/2015 13:18

MrsGently - I don't think it's the having issue with feet part that people think is unreasonable, but the split standard of Ben baring his feet because he likes to whilst expecting another to cover up so he doesn't have to see.

If it's that big a deal, a reasonable suggestion would be to explain your problem and ask for a covered feet policy so as not to single someone with 'ugly' feet out - surely?!

pootlebug · 12/11/2015 13:23

Turn the heating down a couple of degrees. Hey presto, everyone will require slippers.

perrita · 12/11/2015 13:23

Ben is ridiculous. So is Norah - she should tell Ben to grow up and shut up about it. Second the posted who is hoping Ben is your son, not your DH!

Jw35 · 12/11/2015 13:24

Ben is being unreasonable

OTheHugeManatee · 12/11/2015 13:25

Perhaps you should club together and make Ben a 'safe space' In his bedroom with play-doh and soothing music and pictures of kittens and puppies, for when he's overwhelmed by distressed at the sight of someone's PERFECTLY NORMAL FEET.

Sighing · 12/11/2015 13:28

I have long (graceful) toes. They're wonderful. Ben needs to get used to the feet. Norah should sit down with a Wine as should probably Grace at all the yoe criticism.