to think that girls are allowed to stay childish longer than boys?

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

Me and DH were talking about this last night and he believes the opposite is true.

I think that for girls it's acceptable, normal even, for them to play with baby dolls and have 'childish' interests for longer than boys are 'allowed' to.

I'm basing this purely on observing DS (5) and his friends in his year 1 class. DS loves the Octonauts and a few other TV shows, which obviously make up a lot of what he talks about. Lately he's been telling me that his friends think he's babyish, that he should be playing Minecraft and watching the Avengers films instead (he's not allowed to do either just yet) which is what they all seem to be doing. We walk to school with a few of his classmates and I've heard it firsthand too. He obviously feels as a result that there's a pressure there to be more grown up, which is sad.

In contrast, the girls in his class are all rainbows and baby dolls. There doesn't seem to be that pressure for them. DH pointed out that in few short years, there will be immense pressure for them to appear as grown up as possible, along with all the other pressures that come with being a teenage girl. But it's the same for boys at that age too, to a certain extent, isn't it?

AIBU to think boys experience it earlier and wonder why that is?

Yabu. It's the exact opposite.

I don't see many 9 year old boys wearing high heels and make up, or any sort of male equivalent. I've seen plenty of 9 year old girls dressed in such a manner, though.

YABU.

i think both sexes are often encouraged to grow up too early

i remember a parent saying to me that a boy her son's and dd1's class was very immature, as he still liked dressing up. this was in year one.

happily, dd1 still likes dressing up aged nearly 9, and has asked for a doll for christmas. she is bit socially awkward and so slightly oblivious to what other kids are into - long may that continue. unfortunately dd2 is more popular and socially aware, so I'm bracing myself for this with her.

Think both boys and girls grow up too quickly! Sadly, peer pressure exists and sometimes children (and adults!) are mocked / ridiculed about what they like and are then instructed about what they should be into!

My five year old son still likes Octonauts, Toy Story and a bit of CBeebies. He dresses up as a cat all the time. And he sleeps with two dolls! He is also Minecraft, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Lego and Ninjago obsessed. He is articulate with great general knowledge but he is extremely young at heart and sensitive. I used to worry he would be picked on for still liking 'younger' things but fortunately he is also completely bonkers and eccentric and I think that has 'protected' him from that!

If only we could all just live and let live. Sadly, throughout life people get judged and criticised for moving away from the flock. All we can do is develop our children's confidence to be who they are.

(Unless they're an axe murderer. You might want to nip that one in the bud.)

Maybe because there isn't a male equivalent of high heels and make-up

DS(9) has been doing some stealth Octonaut viewing on the iPad. He particularly enjoyed the Welsh version Older DS used to have a kick about with the football at lunchtime even in the sixth form. At 21 he still comes home from Uni and plays with DS2: football, video games, Lego whatever.

My girls put their dollies and Sylvanians away at 11 or so and were never that into Lego or video games. Mind you they didn't rush into makeup and pouting selfies either. They had a long crafting and Jacqeline Wilson phase.

My 13 year old DS is far more childish than his female friends. His ideal day is piling on top of his friends, playing football, piling on top of his friends whilst screeching, playing FIFA 15, piling on top of his friends whilst screeching a bit more, eating crisps, piling on top of his friends whilst screeching and taking stupid face selfies.

The girls on the other hand are heavily into make up, shopping, sexualised poses and acting as if they are 16 in the hope that the boys will notice them - but they're too busy in a bundle on the floor

I can remember starting reception a million years ago (well, 1985) and being told I was babyish for the coat I wore. Kids have always done this. I don't think it's anything new.

I definitely see your point and I only have girls - although they are under 7. The boys in dd1s class all play football and if not they tend to be left out - it's like you have to show some sort of macho competitive nature to be a boy. They're so young and it's not fair to have all your options just cut out like that. I do have to navigate the minefield of why dd shouldn't be cheerleading for them though!!!!!

However when you're a tall girl people treat you as if you were 2/3 years older and expect you to act so which has happened to both my dds - shouldn't she be walking? She should be climbing the climbing frame by herself (at just 2? I don't think so) etc etc.

Secretly boys are still babies, don't know about the girls but I've found very well loved bunnies hidden in sleeping bags when I've had secondary boys over for sleepovers.

Here so many people say that kids grow up too quickly, but... Where do so many childish adults come from?
Things like having tattoos of Sponge Bob, now colouring books for adults, all these time-wasting games like Candy Crush (which people play at work), not to mention the nonsense on facebook.

I think kids will play with everything and anything if left to their own devices.
And some kids are taught to belittle others by their insecure parents, and these poor kids can be unrelenting in their remarks and put downs.

If you want your kid to be a kid and play, then help them develop a belief in themselves that they aren't affected by attempts to humiliate them or ridicule them.

Play with them games like tag, join them in the playground and play imaginative games too. Play is essential for a happy and creative life as a child and as an adult.

My preteen DCs play with whatever comes to hand, and take great enjoyment out of marbles, blocks, Minecraft, Star Wars, dolls house, my little pony, nerf etc etc, and can do their own laundry and make dinner.
We play with them, and take an interest in what interests them. They are pretty waterproof to snide comments from other kids.

Insecurity over what it is to be a 'real man' and an 'acceptable woman' in society fuels a lot of these childrens' comments, as parents project their fears about their boy being a sissy and girls learn how not to assert themselves, so they stay passively feminine.

I think teaching kids to blow off the comments is more helpful in the long run, rather than focussing on whether it is boys or girls who stay in their playful, unselfconscious state longer.

I reckon
more is expected of girls in general & specifically at a younger age in terms of self-control
girls biologically & cognitively mature much faster

as broad generalisations.

I have 2 DS's and I think on balance boys are allowed to be "nonconformist" for longer. By that, I mean that a boy who wishes to play with Lego, for example, for longer than some of his cohort, is not likely to be ridiculed because it is very likely that he will have peers who share the same interests at the same stage.

I have quite an idiosyncratic DS2 (12) - sings to himself, is nerdy, has a quirky sense of humour and doesn't care how he dresses as long as it's comfortable. He is universally popular despite this, but I think if he was a girl with those quirks, it's likely he'd have he would have a hard time of it.

A friend with girls commented to me that once her daughters reached the age of about 8, there seemed to be a watershed in relation to the clothing which was available in the High street - "fairy princess" or "slapper". I don't think boys are objectified in the same way.

I agree with you actually OP in some ways. It's ok for girls to still be into cute, cuddly things long after it's ok for boys. On the other hand they have to grow up much more quickly than boys in terms of looks and sexuality which is horrible - boys just get to run around and be mucky kids for longer.

DS who is 6 was writing his Christmas cards last night for all the children in his class (yes he's overexcited - I had to put them aside to stop him from taking them in and distributing them at the beginning of November ) . He insisted on signing them "kind regards" (no, I don't know where he got that from either!) instead of love from. He said people would laugh at him otherwise. Up until the summer he was still cuddling his teacher at the end of every day so someone has got to him already and told him he has to stop being the expressive, loving little boy that he is...

Girls are far more advanced from the minute the pop out of the womb :)

I think both sexes are encouraged to grow up too quickly BUT boys tend to reach a point where they seem to be allowed to (by some people) plateau maturity-wise - which is why you have 30 year old men holed up playing the new Fallout or COD game.

Girls stop "playing" far younger than boys do, which is sad. When I was at high school boys were happily playing football, running around/attempting parkour off the prefab annexes for a good few years, while the girls were mocked if they didn't want to sit around gossiping about celebs.

As broad generalisations, of course.

That's why mother nature chose us to have children. Could you imagine a man pregnant

I remember joining reception in 1989 and begging my mum for a Forever Friends lunchbox because my Spot the Dog one was too babyish.

By the time I was in Y5, not wearing a crop top was social suicide, even if you had nothing to put in it.

By contrast, the Y7 boys I teach are all about Lego still. I think it's worse for girls!

When my son was small I was told constantly to "make" him be a boy. He was kind and gentle, the pressure at times was ridiculous. I refused and let him be him. He had pushchairs and dolls as much as lego and anything else boyish.

They then go to school and being amongst their peers help them decide what they do.

Now my son is still very kind and considerate, a sea cadet from the age of 12. He is also a semi pro boxer

Go with the flow.

DD was able to stay childish longer than DS1, but to be honest that was due to his size rather than his gender. He has always been tall and so has always been treated older than his years and he adapted his behaviour to the expectation of others. I spent his early years saying he is only 2,3,4 etc. He lost out because of his height, but enjoys his looking older than his years now he is a teenager.

I think boys and girls are expected to grow up too quickly but IMO you can control this a bit. I think the environment of school is the biggest reason behind this. My DD is 4 and four months ago was attending a preschool with 15 others maximum in her class - she went in her own clothes so my choice, played with age appropriate toys like 'Happy Land' at the nursery and had a 'music man' visit her preschool every week. This music was often nursery rhymes and the children got to bang huge drums. She loved Bing, Peter Rabbit even In The Night Garden sometimes. Fast forward to now and these things don't happen except the tv programmes are still liked. She has mentioned 'things' being 'babyish' and this is as result of school. Of course she has to grow up but it is accelerated in this first term.

Between the ages of 4-7 I used to like Winnie the Pooh, Beatrix Potter, picture books. I used to play a lot until I was about 11. I therefore encourage DD to like this stuff by reading to her and listening to music with her like the Julia Donaldson songbooks or watching films like 'The Snowman'. I also include my 8 year old DS in trips to the theatre to see productions like 'Stickman' as although he feigns disinterest, he 'always' wants to come with us when given the choice of attending or not.

Equally, if the new advice is not to let children watch TV until they're two then I think Cbeebies is perfectly acceptable viewing for a 4 year old. I was really surprised when a couple of people questioned why I was taking DD (who had just turned three at the time) to see INTNG live as they thought she was 'too old'!

I think girls can stay younger longer- my DD is treated more like a toddler than my DS was at the same age but she is quite small and has a baby face still so it might be just down to that, although I find this even when she has uniform on. DS didn't look old for his age at 4 but was definitely not patronised in the same way.

Most 13 year old girls haven't "played" for years.

Naw, 13 year old girls play games. It's just more low key things like make-overs, playing with each other's hair, decorating nails, watching anime, or obsessing over certain fandoms. They just don't play high energy games like boys running around and being rough and tumble.

But I agree girls are expected to act mature a lot quicker than boys. You don't see girls getting a free pass with "girls will be girls" or "She's such a girl" whenever they act up.

I agree that girls are expected to 'mature' faster

Boys, still get the 'boys will be boys'

Ime parents molly-coddle boys until a later age than girls. I don't know why this would be, but it is my observation

Oh haha senpai x-post!!