I want a memory foam mattress, Dh dosnt. Who gets to decide?

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Or is there a compromise?

We currently have a memory foam mattress which I love. We've had it for about ten years and it was expensive, about 1k.

Ive always loved it. Dh thought it was ok in the shop but after we'd had it a few nights he started moaning a bit about it. Reckons it's uncomfy and cold.

He then stopped moaning as I ignored him. He's started up again, he reckons the mattress is a big saggy. I dont think it saggy. However it is old'ish, maybe it's time we replaced it.

But I would want another memory foam mattress and he's adament that he doesn't want one.

Ive previously broken my back and have disc problems. This mattress has made all the difference to my back and the memory foam was the reason for buying it to see if I would be pain free and it worked nearly instantly.

I'm sure I could find a non memory foam mattress which feels comfy enough in the shop when testing it. But I know over time that without the support which I get from a memory foam that my back will get worse. Aibu if I refuse to get a non memory foam mattress?

Thanks, I like the look of the Reylon one so will go and investigate stockists.

If Dh had moaned non stop for ages I would have paid more attention. This is the first time he's mentioned it in years. So I don't think he's found it that bad.

Before this mattress I was off work all the time, on loads of painkillers.

We have two mattresses. Foam for him, springs for me. And a separate single duvet each. Bliss.

We had one for a few years, I loved it. It did start to sag a bit. When we replaced it, due to changing our bed up to a super king, DH was adamant he wanted to try something different. I was adamant I didn't want to go back to the slab of concrete firm normal mattress type we had before, so we compromised with a sprung mattress with a good decent squidgy layer of memory foam built into it on top. It's a pretty good compromise and we are both happy.

found not could

I have a sprung one with memory foam top and it's lovely. Just as comfy as my old one which was pure memory foam

Hollinhurst and TattyDevine, do,you know what makes,yours are please?

We have pocket sprung with memory foam. I love it and didn't like the pure memory foam ones we tried.

could you go sprung with memory foam then get another topper for your side?

The poor man.

When DP moved in he brought his beloved memory foam mattress with him.

I cannot bear it. It gave me a trapped nerve in my leg, I wake up uncomfortable every night and I find it difficult to get to sleep.

However. Replacement would be ridiculously expensive, so I've no choice. And no choice of other rooms to sleep in. So I've stopped moaning about it. Doesn't mean I'm not heartily sick of the fucking thing, I'd happily set fire to it.

Fgs let the man have a comfortable bed after 10 years of quietly endured torture.

Will definitely investigate sprung with memory foam on top. Sounds like it might work.

Selly24 is correct you can get matress where one half is firm and the other is less firm, if you are different weights. Probably need to go to local bed specialist - not ikea!

Also there are now numerous options for the top of the matress which don't involve memory foam but are very comfortable, and you can get matress with cool side for summer and warm side for winter etc etc.

I think 10 yrs ago memory foam was the latest thing and they sold 'orthopeadic' (meaning rock solid) matresses supposed to support your back. But last time we looked, a couple of years ago, things have changed. Now there are loads of alternatives to memory foam, and the best matress for a bad back is one with the right firmness for your body weight, not necessarily the firmest.

I will look shortly!

We've got a memory foam mattress. That's why I sleep in the spare room.

< shifts cat off bed >

It says sleep masters sensaform airflow memory 2000 plus - comfort revolution of pocketed springs, sensaform memory foam, edge support system and temperature regulating fabric

< shifts cat back to bed >

Look for pocket sprung because each spring is individually wrapped and provide better support

'like sleeping on a poo' is how I've heard memory foam described. Call me an old stick in the mud but i like a mattress with a bit of bounce!

Thanks everyone for your help and Hollinhurst for shifting the cat!

Another vote for pocket sprung with memory foam topper, ours is a Sealy Adelaide from Bensons.

Cat says he also approves of the mattress

I love memory foam and wish I could take my mattress everywhere like a Tortoise. LTB

I think memory foam mattresses (esp if they are clones, rather than say Tempur) are a bit Marmite. We decided against as they tend to be warmer and DP would merrily have the window open all year and a 5 tog duvet (we live in Scotland...)

Our compromise was a really good pocket sprung mattress from feather and black. They also do different tensions on each side if there's a significant weight difference or strong preference. We bought a thick down topper. We also have a really good bedframe (Iron Bed Company king size). All of it together makes a difference.

We spent a bloody fortune on our bed, even getting the mattress in a sale was still £1000. If you can afford it though, I reckon it's worth it as it's so much harder to share a shit mattress where ever move causes a ripple effect.

Another compromise would be a bed frame with two singles. If you're adamant about memory foam and he hate it though, I think you may have to consider separate beds for sleeping.

Unless you really have to share, no-one should have to choose something that is uncomfortable. Preferences among beds that are all 'comfortable' are different and in that case I would think the person with the back problem would get final choice, provided that choice was acceptable to both.

The compromise is a standard mattress with a memory foam topper.

Memory foam gets manky and forgetful, after a few years. Much better to replace something costing £150 than £1500, after that time.

We have sprung mattress with memory foam top. T'is lovely. Like sleeping on a cloud

Also agree with ouryve. We used memory foam pillows for a number of years, but I have given up and gone back to down. DP still uses memory foam. They last about 18-24 months before becoming 'forgetful', which does make me wonder how good the mattresses would be (and our pillows are / were Tempur).

And I have hypermobility syndrome - I need a firm bed, but not one that sags easily, so the topper on an "orthopedic" mattress is very supportive for me. M&S toppers are good as they're that egg carton shaped stuff that doesn't feel quite as hot as some. (I'm peri-menopausal - I do notice too hot!)