To think this colleague is just plain rude?

[ScribblerOnTheRoof]

There is a guy working in my office, he started about 6 months ago and has always said he thinks the job is shit. I have been here for 3 years and made some excellent friends here.

We were talking about our upcoming Christmas party, the boss pays for us to have a 3 course meal and unlimited drinks. It is on a Saturday afternoon and goes into the evening.

As we were discussing it, the new guy chipped in and said "Can we not have the party on a Friday instead? Or a Thursday? I spend all wekk with you people and don't wanna use my weekend time with you too" I kind of half laughed, thinking he must be joking. Turns out he wasn't and before the conversation even ended he was calling the lady downstairs to tell her he would not be coming.

Ok. Fair enough, a lot of people think that way and I guess he is simply speaking his mind.

Over the last 2 weeks he has not spoken to anyone. Tells us we are annoying, to stop humming along to a tune etc.

He doesn't say goodbye or good morning, just sits there in a mood which seems to be causing animosity.

The Manager has asked him if everything is ok and he says yes.

If anyone else comes into the office he will speak to them but seems to absolutely hate us!

MrsTed, you have just supplied yet another reason for me never to go to these things: everyone got totally pissed and half of them didn't turn up to work the next day and the other half that did had stonking hangovers!. Given that I don't drink alcohol, why would I want to spend time while people are getting pissed? On a Saturday or a weekday?

Two of my best friends in the world are people I met when I started work as a uni graduate 14 years ago. Now we go away for a weekend together every Christmas for a celebration with our DHs, DC...they are like my family. It is possible to make genuine friends at work. If I'd had the attitude of this bloke, I wouldn't have these fantastic friends in my life...

That said, the cheesy annual office 'do' should absolutely be on a weeknight unless partners are included.

OP I think this work colleague sounds very unpleasant indeed, in your position I would just tune him out and have only professional contact. I would not let it get to me though, I wouldn't waste emotional effort on a work colleague who was not a friend/direct report of mine

I have some really good friends who I met at work, I also met a few people I am glad to have no contact with. At the annual Christmas do, both sorts are there. The first one I will meet on a Saturday, the second not. Best have the thing on a week night.

I would go to a Christmas do on a Saturday, I love the works Christmas do.

If he doesn't want to go then fair dos but that comment about switching the days etc when the boss is forking out for an expensive knees up is rude IMO as well. What is just wrong with saying "I have prior commitments, so I can't make it"?.

He sounds like a prick.

Saying that I love the people I work with, only four of us.

Bosses wife has decided we will do a Saturday night for our Christmas meal & drinks.

I was the same, my first thought was FFS that's the weekend though.

• I will be doing my utmost to plant seeds so our do happens on a Friday !!!

Where I work they are a pretty social group, but it usually consists of shopping trips where they see how many new shoes or handbags they can buy. I try and make an effort to one or two a year, but other than that, I politely make my excuses (being a single mum and pretty involved in a hobby on the weekend are pretty good reasons). I like my colleagues well enough, but I don't want to be best friends with them, I like to maintain some professional distance. I'd be annoyed with a Saturday night Christmas party, I'd rather a Friday night so that I still have the whole weekend free. I wouldn't vocalise it out loud though, majority rules.

I have some great friends I met at work as I've been fortunate to have worked in very good teams. But I would object to spending my Saturday with colleagues. I have only ever known Christmas work meals to take place on a workday afternoon and the boss usually says no need to return to work afterwards. I always thought it was management's way of saying thanks for all the work you do every other work day of the year.

Oh but your colleague does sound like a twat.

Our party is always on a Wednesday - it's pretty much a half day as we'll all go for a drink or 3 at lunchtime and then the Thursday is pretty much written off as everyone is WFH & "busied out".

As for the Saturday thing, I'd honestly have to judge it as it came up but, unlike most of MN, my social calendar isn't so full that 1 Saturday night with work colleagues would knock my world off of it's axis...

I'd say his sentiment is understandable, but the way he expressed it was unnecessarily rude, it's a sentiment a lot of people have but you don't generally express it to the people you're slagging off.

Is he quite young? I've known a few younger people like this who's social skills leave a bit to be desired. They haven't learned to rub along with people yet.

I wouldn't be thrilled about a Saturday work Christmas party to be honest. I like my colleagues but, yeah, I do spend all week with them and I have other friends/family/interests that I like to peruse at the weekend.

He's being rude by ignoring you all, but I don't think it's rude not to want to go to a work event at the weekend, especially in the run-up to Christmas when there are loads of things to get done and people to see.

Pursue, not peruse!

Thanks for all the replies! Yes we do work Monday to Friday and the Christmas do is the only Saturday of the year where we are asked to go out. All paid for.

I understand that some people do not want to sacrifice their weekends, I really do. But I just feel he could have put it in a politer way.

For the record, he still isn't speaking to anyone apart from the other guy that works with us. He is walking around angrily and putting people on edge.

I have given up trying to make conversation.

I dont know if anyone remembers my car share story but this is the same guy.

And I don't think I hum along all day to the radio, however the girl opposite me sings constantly in a very low and out of tune voice which I find excruciating

The out of tune singing woman is the one I'd probably want to throttle, OP. A grumpy guy who won't say good morning, meh. It's easier to ignore someone NOT doing something than someone doing something irritating.

Yep, having sat through office karaoke all day I am totally in agreement (again) about the singing/humming thing. Why for the love of God do people think anyone else wants to hear them warbling along to whatever crap is currently playing? And don't get me started on my colleague's dancing at her desk

Sorry to hijack OP but this is doing my head in!

I get where he's coming from. BUT - how pathetic of him not to be able to be polite about it!
Sounds like he has zero social skills - telling you he thinks the job is crap, ignoring people, tutting and stoping about the office, then telling his manager that everything is fine. Could he not just as politely for some compromises or changes?

heh, just go and enjoy your christmas do without this miserable arse ruining it with his grumpiness. Every cloud, silver lining etc.

I understand how frustrating it must be to work with him all week being a bit of an idiot though. I had a rare day of working in the main office yesterday (usually work elsewhere on site) and the amount of banal chit chat in the corridors, loud laughter, banging around in the kitchen, banging of doors was doing my head in. Not to mention the woman sat at the desk opposite me who felt the need to narrate every piece of work she did for the rest of us to hear. Our office is in a listed building, noise carries a LONG way. I'm possibly moving into the office full time in the next few months and after yesterday I'm dreading it a bit.